take as much time as u want. this is good

umm damn this is getting umm how do i say this screw it its past the point of good grim dark to just FUCKED UP
i think ill try to finish this as a challenge but damn

641794 but you told me not to rush it! i thought you'd like this level of grim dark? I will agree, i am messed up in the head to write something like this. I'll tell you a secret, i'm very very much like Pinkie Pie, i like making people laugh, but just like her, i have a dark and twisted side, something cruel, dark, and unnatural. I don't express it very often, but i am letting it out in full force with this fic, and it feels wonderful to write something like this.

641859yes your not rushing it but your also going into "im a author who makes cupcakes and rainbow factory combined look like a walk in the park" mode. granted ill be honest where you got me to say the heck was the pregnancy before that it wasn't permanent but now that's how i reacted when i read that

Getting a bit too past the threshold, I'll agree. Also, you might want to work on capitalizing your sentences... that's a bit off in places.

You see, no matter where in the paragraph the character starts speaking, you need to capitalize the first letter of the first word he/se says. You also need to start a new line when someone new is speaking in order to limit confusion as to who is talking.

"Like this." The reader said right before taking a bludgeon to the back of the head.

"Shut the hell up! No one cares about what you have to say..." The random homeless person said. He then proceeded to jump out the window with all the readers money, landing on his Rainbow Dash and flying off with a trail of rainbows following close behind.

641926 really I did that? damnit I worked REALLY hard to try and control when i was doing that, I'm going to have to go back and re-check the entire thing again, just to make sure I have everything done right. I know the rules for it >_> really, I swear I do!

641880 I've heard about those fics, I've heard they are pretty bad, but I didn't think this was ending up quite that far. I promise a FULLY happy ending, as best as I can make it! but we have one more chapter to go before Twilight truly hits rock bottom.

As for the pregnancy, its part of the storyline i wanted to write, I added in a paragraph at the beginning of the last section describing the lengthy passage of time, in most chapters, i set the whole chapter at the same point from the beginning, but I ended up splitting this one up. I could make rearrangements to the structure, or put a chapter break there, and make it a chapter 4 part 2... it would just create a very short section. Consider that the better part of a year has passed since the first half of the chapter, and the last part, while only a day or so passed between the end of the last chapter, and the beginning of this.

edit: There, i added a short comment and put another section break to the time transition paragraph. I think its been roughly 2 years since the death of Shining Armor

Edit 2: Alright so I totally screwed up the capitalization for this chapter, I totally blame the parasitology exam I had earlier today. Could you point out where I had 2 different people talking in the same paragraph though? I totally missed that.

642038 You did it quite a bit in the past two chapters... just figure I should let you know in case you didn't realize it. Just take it a bit slower... did you write this all out in one day? I applaud you if you did, but just check/double check for these things just in case. A spell checker or something might help.

642070 Yes, each chapter I've done in a day a piece, I guess I need to go back and check them over again. I do use a spell checker, it just apparently doesn't fix them all for me. Oh well, if that is the WORST problem with my writing, I think I'm doing pretty darn good. I do get rather obsessive when I get into a project like this, and I likely won't quit writing until I've got the final chapter written out and posted. On the seventh day I will sleep. >_>

642129 Sounds good to me.

Just watch out for Zerglings. And Changelings.

*cough* Sorry, hive-mind interrupted for a second there. Anyway, have fun with that...

granted if i ever know someone thinking about doing drugs ill just make them read this

642472 Just go listen to the Heroin Diaries by Nikki Sixx, that was the inspiration for this piece. I don't own much music, but something caught my attention about the music some years ago, so I've got the CD in my truck, and I listen to it some times. While you'll find some references from the show throughout the story, you'll also find some references from the music CD. One of the songs was named the Girl with Golden Eyes, i took my inspiration for Hot Shot from that.

NOOO TWILIGHT!

Poor Fluttershy!

I need moar please!

shit this is dark

642569

I can't believe you have to explain Heroin Diaries to people. Good grief, google that band's history folks. Crüe once ate a sub sandwich with a 8 ball on it. Real life Dr. Rockzo shit.

Oh, and good job Shadow. That's like freeing a slave from a antebellum plantation and escorting them to a Nazi death camp.

I can't take this story seriously because it's so over the top. The premise was interesting, but that's pretty much the only compliment I can give this story. The pacing is terribly weak, causing normally major events like addiction and rape and childbirth to have no real emotional impact. The story feels less like Twilight's descent and more like a series of loosely related scenes--the pieces are there, but the plot just jumps around so quickly it's impossible to truly grasp the gravity of Twilight's situation. Furthermore, Twilight seems abnormally stupid, even factoring in her drug addiction. "They cut off your horn and lock you away forever" sounds like the kind of thin you say to scare a six year old, not someone as intelligent and mature as Twilight Sparkle.
The technical errors in the story really distract and pull the reader out of the story. I strongly suggest you find some editors and/or proofreaders.