Ok. I got a general idea of where I want this story to go, but I'm all up for input from readers. And yes, I claimed the first post, I'm a wily bastard like that.

Like the big description says, its set in the same universe as Echo and Griffin, so those names will probably get dropped once or twice, and we may even see a familiar face (not any main characters though more like background characters)

Finally, whoever can figure out the inspiration for the title of the story will highly impress me. Hint is that's its a late 90's movie.

Its always the pretty ones....

Also, HE MISSUSES THE POWER OF THE CROWBAR!!! I DEMAND SWIFT VENGEANCE!!!

>>622166622166 I got nothin for the story title, but im pretty sarn sure the chapter is named after that Toy Story line.

Please Sire, can I have some more?

I approve of this.  I also have a sudden craving for cotton candy.

...And chocolate milk.  I like chocolate milk!

>>626568626568 so, rust, do you fancy the idea of crossing over with this author too?

Or would that be a crossover too many...

Overall, I like the story. The only thing I don't like is the name; why did you choose Zeta Chi?

Caught my eye with your use of one of Nambroth's pictures for your cover art.  I'll possibly get around to reading this at some point...  ^^;

>>626601626601

Pah!  I don't do crossovers.  Never do those, mate.  I do cameos - completely different.  Instead of borrowin a story, it's just a character.  And even then, only good ones.

hmm... Rather fun to read, much like mister Rust's story, but still fun to read.

Who said we couldn't ripp of each other and only mlp fim?

>>626768626768 damn...

Im not a writer. I don't know about this stuff.

Will you do a cameo then? :p

This is rather very good.

please sir, can I have some more?

>>626604626604>>627740627740

The name Zeta Chi is the name of my actual frat. I was looking around the room and saw my hoodie with the letters ZX on it, so that was it. I'll probably only be using Zeta further on and just have Chi be for people who want to be formal.

As for a cameo of Echo, I would love to pop him in, but first I got to catch up timeline wise. If I recall, Echo just got his throat sewn shut at this point in time, so it'll have to wait a little bit. Though I have plans for one of Griffin the Griffin's characters in the next chapter.

Well, another Echo spin off. Not nearly as charming as the first, but Rust is one of the finest writers in brony history so I can't dock you too many marks for that.

It could use a bit of grammatical work and luckily enough, I'm a decent enough beta reader. What do you say?

Hmm, I have to ask where did the "Winged Wolf" come from? It seemed familiar from the picture, I looked up a bunch of stuff different stuff that I had buried. "Simurgh" from Persia 'though its more of a demigod/Roc',  "Senmerv" from Pakistan. A winged canine from Zoroastrian mythology.. blah blah blah.. etc.. Probobly over-thinking things but still very curious as to whether it just sounded cool or whatever...

Anyway! To the actual story, It's very interesting read so far definitely caught my eye, I personally like him being a smart ass. So this is obviously during Discords escape from imprissonment?

>>629454629454

I got the winged wolf idea because I wanted my character to be able to fly (because it's awesome and I really would love to fly) and I didn't want to do the standard dragon or griffin, And a pegasus wouldn't be treated any differently. Half the reason I got permission to do it in the Echo world idea was because I like the thought that Equestria isn't to far removed from our World. I sorta just started looking up winged animals on google images, and that one was my favorite. I tried finding one in a mythology, but none of the other creatures caught my interest nearly as much as the wolf did.

And as for the time period, yup Discord is out and about causing Chaos for the ponies.  I actually have a plan to explain how everyone got there  for a later chapter. As for the smartass quality, it's easier to write what you know about and I'm definitely a smartass with my friends.  

>>629192629192

I've actually never gotten an offer from someone to be a proofreader/editor/beta reader before, so this is awesome. I'll gladly take you up on the offer. I'll shoot you a message when I finish the next chapter, which should be in a day or two.

>>629613629613 Great, sounds good. Will be off for exams and such during school, but I'll be on ASAP. It also helps I have this iPhone strapped to my side 100% of the time.

Yeah, exhilarating isen't it? Someone offering to beta for you.

I had the same experience last year and I thought it would be fun to cause a chain to form.

If it's not too much to ask, would you mind reading my very own HiE, Compliance? Its the one I'm most proud of and I need more critical eyes on it if you know what mean.

>>628918628918 I love the name. For some reason zeta has been my fav word

I now want to watch Pirates of the Caribbean....

YES! Jack Sparrow references for the win! cant wait for the next chapter

>>629192629192 I'm sorry good sir but  you seem to have gotten Rust and Blackwing mixed up. An easy mistake to make, but a mistake none the less.

>>634071634071 Dammit, really?!

I must have been so tired I got them switched, insomnia is a bit punishing on memory.

Wow.. What you did to Octavia was unbelievably cruel.

I would have done it.

Vinyl will be scarred for life and Octavia is probably getting gang-raped in a dark tunnel right about now, but other than that, shit's good.

I noticed that this is in the same world as griffin the griffin. I approve.

interesting, will there be any crossovers with either griffin the griffin or echo the diamond dog?

lol I wonder if Griffin will make an appearance but anyways cant wait for the next chapter

Grif or Echo would be nice. Cool chapter, although I hope Zeta doesn't turn out to be more of an asshole than Griffin.

>>639544639544>>639699639699

I am planning to at least do a cameo with both of those characters. It may be a bit aways before I actually get to them (considering their timelines for their stories) but I do have plans for when I get that far ahead.

>>639775639775

I can't guarantee that he won't be. Griffin at least has a noble goal above all else. Zeta just doomed 5 different people to work in the mines, so we can't exactly say he's got a noble goal.

Next chapter you'll be able to get a little insight as to why Zeta does what he does, and what drives him. It will be more of a back story chapter, with little progress in the plot as a whole, so bear with me through that and everything will be good. I also shouldn't answer these when I get back from the pub, but where's the fun of anonymous posting if you don't do stupid shit with it every once and a while. Hope everyone has a lovely day ahead of them.  

Huh. Good first day.

At one point, you said Wethoot rather than Wethoof.

Also you skiped the part where the Griffins came in. It just sorta happened.

Octavia is a bitch, but seriously. Sending her to enslavement? Jesus that's harsh!

>>640714640714

Fixed that. Thanks for pointing it out.

As for the whole Griffins showing up thing, that'll get explained next chapter.

>>639820639820 Ooh oh, shameless beta plug!

I have to say I don't like the idea of Zeta meeting any other story's OC, makes for confusion if the reader has not yet read all of both or if you just don't have the same writing style as the original author of the story you ripped them from.

This is very interesting

I'll be sure to keep an eye on this

good chapter cant wait for the next chapter

you should submit your story to Unique transformation group, it fits right in.

Anyway this story sounds good, will continue to read.

>>626499626499

Seconded. Many a zombie has been slain by the mighty crowbar.

After reading it, I have to have say: it really, really seems to me that Zeta is a senmurv. Are there plans for his exact species to be revealed? because otherwise I'm just going to have it as my headcanon

>>626499626499>>688722688722 Headcrabs as well.

........ Wait.... this is the same universe as Griffin the Griffin and Ballad of Echo the Diamond Dog right? Why isnt it in that group they made? You know the one.

OH NO U DID NOT JUST GET BETWEEN A MAN (wolf thingy) AND HIS BOOZE!?!?!?!?!?

SHITS GONNA GO DOWN

ok.

What you did to Octavia was more than just 'incredibly cruel'.  It also puts a major damper on something I'd hoped to do.

Said thing involved both octavia and Vinyl, but now I'm not certain if it's even viable anymore.

>>705097705097

Hey, everyone else in their stories has a real noble goal. I wanted to make a more selfish character. I view him as a "Chaotic Neutral" sorta guy. Tavi pissed him off, so she went bye bye.  

>>702725702725  You mean 'Chess Game of the Gods'?

>>705138705138 you son of a hitch SKYRIM/OBLIVION JOKE!!!

Two days in and already a wanted criminal. Well you beat Griffin. Speaking of which, he'd better be careful with Maria. He hasn't really corrupted her yet, but an angry wolf is not something you want chasing you.

And is the loading joke required? I guess I can squeeze it in somewhere.

good story maby a update:D?

lol of course hes going to fight guards cant wait for the next chapter

>>705310705310  Not required, but a nice running gag.  I plan on adding it myself, soon.

Dammit man, you're not popular enough to need a strict schedual!

I'm not mad or anything, it's just that it's pretty glaring indeed where the errors are, mainly in the beginning.

>>705154705154 I might. I just might.

AWWWW!  He didn't howl at the moon.

This is turning into a great read.

>>705965705965

Sorry I know I don't really need the schedule yet, but I told a few people I'd try and have it up by now, and I'm pretty stubborn about that. Now I have a final in three hours to cram for. Want to send me a message with a couple of the glaring mistakes like I knew there'd be

>>705310705310

Well Griffin got her to join a pirate crew, so that could be a little bit of corruption. We'll find out in the future, but I doubt Griffin will care about a flying wolf on top of the dragons and such he already deals with.

Yea, not required just a little bit of fun, and another way to connect everyone. Course I took my spin on it with the "Error."

Also, got over 1,000 views total, making this the most viewed of all my stories. WIN!

>>706798706798 Not really, I prefer to edit while there is still a point

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Twilight_Sparkle.png

>>702484702484 And ammo/item crates, and last but not least all those wooden planks.

I love the way he knocks the rabbits unconscious, and then devours them later, it reminds me of how Kzin eat some of their food. (Alive and gagged, that is.)

...Wow... Dark man...

I like it, but... Wow...

-Glassed

And just cause I can. First post

Wow. Is it just me, or do all humans in Rust's universe have at least one dark moment? Anyway, you know that new story in your group? The one with the words red and blue in the name? Cause I cant remember the title. Anyway, his wolf character is making his was towards Tailton, and I dont know how your gonna make it so that the two dont get word of each other.

>>718008718008  or will there be a crossover?

>>718008718008

I just read all of the chapters of that one real quick. Last it said was Aoi was heading over towards Stalliongard. So I think I got a little time. Besides, Tailton gets burned to the ground by dragons in Griffin the Griffin, so it'll only be a matter of time before its a pile of ash.

>>718166718166 Well actually I commented on the story I was talking about saying how Zeta was headed there as well and the author said he would have to double check on that.

btw, while I got ya on the line, is there some sort of requirement list to be added to your group? Cause I was reading one of the stories, Something about Gorlan, and it.... well... wasnt the best.

>>718229718229 Who said it was Dragons? They just took the credit..... - covered in scorch marks and soot -

>>718238718238

You just gave me some fun ideas

>>718234718234  The 'Requirement' is speaking with Rust and Blackwing to see if your fic is 'up to par' with being part of the 'Chess-Verse' as it's now being called.

Dammit, nwo chess metaphors are gonna show up EVERYWHERE!

>>718243718243 Glad to help. If it involves high explosives, I get to keep whatever is left over.

>>718247718247 I take full credit for the chess metaphors. See it as my way as annoying you.

>>718255718255  You have succeeded.

Meh, it's ammusing,a nyway. I just don't like over-using metaphors.  It results in blunt metaphors trauma.

>>718265718265 You mean like that one time I carved the word horse into a stone and beat a sick guy with it after telling him the joke about the pony with the hoarse voice?

>>718274718274  yup.

>>718286718286 Good to know. Say, hows your throat feeling? - holding a base ball bat -

>>718294718294>>718286718286

Will it never end?!?!

Screw it, next chapter I'm just going to have Gustave and Zeta play chess. How about that?

>>718301718301 Hye, your choice. Your the writer. Serriously though, hows your throat?

>>718294718294

Depends.

*hold's up Nyx menacingly*

You wanna get a hair cut....and get a REAL job!?

>>718301718301

Awww!  I was hoping to have Knightmare play chess with Vinyl while New!Octavia and Zeta have a much-needed re-match[she'll be a lot less snobby, but a LOT more volatile after dealing with Knightmare for a couple weeks]

>>718316718316 Bitch I have a job. My job is to rub dishes with water, wash them with wubs, and put them away. Easy money.

>>718330718330

Try working at McDonalds.

AKA HELL ON EARTH!

Being a badass wandering minstrel in Equstria is much better....plus my monthly stipend form the princess is fifty times my entire year's paycheck....

>>718342718342 Trust me, I would give almost anything to play music at will. Hell, I was thinking about that even before I read your story. You know, just have some sort of magic screen pop up in front of you, choose a song, and then suddenly it plays out of nowhere.... that would be awesome.

>>718316718316

You know what, I like your idea better. You do that, just let me know when you get around to that chapter and I'll help you with Zeta's character.

>>718356718356

will do!

Though you can still do the chess thing, if you'd like.

Are you going to do something like he has to replenish the Cyrogriffins our something. It would be awsome if he had a pack of badass flying wolfs

>>717933717933 OH HELL NO

Very good creation myth. Best use of Faust I have seen so far.

I don't say this often but great story and I HATE your character.

Anyone who will willingly allow another intelligent being to be sent into slavery when they had the clear opportunity to prevent it is pretty much scum of the earth material. It will take some massive changes in character before I will ever look at this character in a positive light, but I'm thinking that you planned for that and I hope to be pleasantly surprised.

Or perhaps that is the point of the fic, to show us the depravity of human nature. If any part of our history is a testament to that fact it is slavery.

Why is the rum gone? Reference to jack sparrow seen here!

So essentially his defense is: "I didn't like being a slave to circumstance so I willingly send people like Octavia to be slaves and I would do it again."

Seems legit. . .

Knowing that a town will be wiped off the map allows a character to get away with anything the author can dream up. There are no witnesses after a dragon apocalypse.

>>720066720066

That is extremely catchy right now.

>>720069720069

I know my character is a hateful little prick isn't he. It's not so much that is his defense, though it is a reason why he isn't opposed to enslavement. His defense is more along the lines of "Nothing is more important than my new found freedom." He's an amoral Chaotic Neutral guy.

I do plan on expanding on his one redeeming quality in the future, but that is a ways off for now. The dream sequence hints on it from two chapters ago.

>>720224720224

I'm going to refer to Knighthawker for this one "Who said it was Dragons? They just took the credit..... - covered in scorch marks and soot -Who said it was Dragons? They just took the credit..... - covered in scorch marks and soot -"  I got some possibilities with the total destruction for the town.

happily enslaving ponies and griffons, Griffin is going to tear you a new one if he doesn't go through character changes haha

Well here is Maria.

And by now i am intrigued(spelled so right) by this story. You sir have earnt a track.

Keep up some real nice work.

“STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMMAL SCUM!” Fine use TES guard line BUT PLEASE DONT MESS IT UP. THE GODS OF TAMRIEL WILL PUNISH YOU WITH A ARROW TO THE KNEE.

(in small sight please correct it to criminal)

That was a nice cration story.

it could be argued that he did send a child to enslavement with octavia, she was obviously still as innocent as a child to how the world works outside equestria.

well, as far as i'm concerned he's neutral-evil, not chaotic-neutral now. that's ok, we needed a competent bad guy human in this universe.

>>727118727118

I have always viewed most of the characters in the show around 20 or so years old. So it was more of young adult enslavement.  

I guess he does lean a bit more to the evil side of the spectrum, but if you look at his actions, most of them are in his self interest, and he doesn't about the outcome, he just moves along. I'm planning on expanding some other aspects of his character to show a bit more of the complete chaotic neutral in the next chapter, but that'll have to wait until I finish my exam.  

>>726976726976

Fixed. Sorry about that.

>>720224720224 Well, save the dragons.

Funny chapter is funny.

One thing I've been wondering:  Are the ponies really racist, or would a better term be "speciesist"?

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Luna_apple.png

>>734486734486

Probably speciesist would work better, but for a bunch of people coming here from earth, its just easier to call the ponies racists. The terms could still work because it is the race of griffins, and the race of diamond dogs. I don't really know...

>>734486734486 naa, they actually are racist. it's just that that word has gotten so misused it's true meaning has been obscured.