i.imgur.com/TiuKnzs.png This is what I meant by disliking the RING's in the first chapter. I feel like they were a bit excessively used, and could be used a lot less. But since you're so far into the story... I just hope you don't make the next mistake in your next stories. Use some detail to fill in some of the stuff. I want a long read, not a quickie. (Those are what one-shots are for, man.)
"We do not think that to be true. did thou forget that we can go into thou's dreams?"
Hah, that's funny. I wouldn't want teachers roaming about in my mind. Also, capitalization would be real nice in this sentence.
Editors notes (I changed the name of it... I think.): Overall, I think you should proof read before you post. It would really help the fact that sentence capitalization is very prominent in your chapters. That, and keep cramming in details, but to a certain extent. After all, you want to keep the readers reading, and not sleeping!
Not bad.
Thunderlane needs to keep his mind out of the gutter.
I shall await the next chapter.
6119827 Well what can he do Prince Artemis is sexy ;3
6122210 That doesn't excuse Thunderlane having his mind where it shouldn't be.
6122251 Haha that is true, but this is high school
6124179 That's still no excuse.
6124206 I'm not using it as an excuse. it does say this story is rated Teen and has some sexual themes.
6124226 That is true.
Well, hopefully things won't get too heated too quickly.
6124239 Just trying to make it a little funny.
i.imgur.com/TiuKnzs.png
This is what I meant by disliking the RING's in the first chapter. I feel like they were a bit excessively used, and could be used a lot less. But since you're so far into the story... I just hope you don't make the next mistake in your next stories. Use some detail to fill in some of the stuff. I want a long read, not a quickie. (Those are what one-shots are for, man.)
Hah, that's funny. I wouldn't want teachers roaming about in my mind. Also, capitalization would be real nice in this sentence.
Editors notes (I changed the name of it... I think.): Overall, I think you should proof read before you post. It would really help the fact that sentence capitalization is very prominent in your chapters. That, and keep cramming in details, but to a certain extent. After all, you want to keep the readers reading, and not sleeping!