cover art by Randompig212
Minor Crossover with the Persona series of videogames.
Historic records in Equestria have always been a jumbled mess, a mix of fairy tales and factual records, it's no wonder Twilight had to look hard to find the facts that time left behind. During her research to create a perfect timeline of the land's history and to one day ask Celestia why so much of it was obscured to begin with, our purple pony princess finds some ancient text detailing what life was like prior to Luna's one thousand year absence.
When she brings her findings to the moon princess, she learns that Nightmare Moon was more than what it seemed, of how broken the bond between the dirachs truly was as a result of its uprising and the lesson that sometimes it takes a friend to help you face yourself and the darkness within.
This, actually, is pretty good! Aside from some glaring grammatical and spelling errors, courtesy of the early morning, this is a very good start to a potentially great story.
I Strongly recommend that you get a proofreader. Heck, I demand it, to make this story as great as possible.
I'll give it a thumb for now, and after you get it edited, it's going to the Random Supporters Association Featured quickly!
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So after running this thing through microsoft spellcheck and reading it over it still has typos...well at least its better than my usual attempts....
welp looks like I'll have to go bug someone on the forums (hopefully I can find someone who won't mind random updates and stuff). Grammar errors are kinda a big issue in my fics, I am trying but yeah...I suck, add to sticky keys on a glitchy keyboard and the usual "I hope at least someone likes this pile of manure" thought process that happens when trying to proofread my own stuff...
Thanks for the comment, an updated version might take a while- I'm not on the computer very much, hence the 1000 word chapter.
I'm just going to say, for example...
There should be a comma after Rarity. Most of the mistakes are like that, no spelling errors though. Good story so far, you got yourself a like
6068320 I've attempted to fix the grammar errors, took a while to find a guide with examples I could wrap my head around (not saying I'm stupid or anything, I just needed a quick guide to work with until I could get some proper help)
It's a shame really my favorite university courses were ones that revolved around thematic themes and anthropology, you know concepts and stuff, actually writing out stuff with correct grammar on the other hand....I can do decent essays, but that's all they are, decent and so are my fanfics.
Music for next chapter.
6103895 I was thinking more along the lines of...
6104041
No, you've gotta save that for endgame fights
6104190 true but who said the next chapter wasn't the endgame.
Fun fact- The battle fot everyone's soul is one of the songs that inpired me to write this fic. the others were 'the poem fot everyone's soul' and a ponyfied version of 'confrontation' from the jekyll and hyde musical starring princess luna and nightmare moon.
fun fact 2- I started this story because I don't have the time to write a full mlp/Persona 3 crossover, so I'm going to do a mini series that incorporates elements from persona 3 and 4 into mlp, I have two, possibly three stories planned, including this one.
enjoy the free trivia and thanks for commenting.