Let's Get Serious

by peacevic

Main Event

The days were quickly ticking by, too quickly for Pinkie's liking. She only had two days left until the party.
"Ignore the mean voice-over guy, Gummy. He's just being a downer."
For his part, the gator/philosopher simply stared in silence. He had long given up on understanding his pony friend and her weird obsession with the Man-With-No-Form. He was content to just enjoy her (sometimes) bi-weekly visits.
But, despite her protests, as Pinkie sat scrubbing Gummy's scales she did indeed have a problem. Diamond Tiara continued to withhold the party permit. What's more, Pinkie still hadn't found a musical act.
"I'll admit, the music thing's starting to worry me. But the permit's no big deal. Diamond Tiara's just being Diamond Tiara. The permit will show up."
You sicced Twilight on her, didn't you?
"Yes I did."
But what about the decorations? You haven't even started on that.
"Let me show you something."

As Pinkie exited her Party Lair some time later (don't worry, I'll fill you in shortly), two ponies simultaneously vied for her attention. It took her a second to realize she had forgotten to lock the Corner's door when she came in.
"I'm the Mayor, I go first!" Diamond Tiara snapped, not hesitating to pull rank on the other pony. Her competition, Vinyl Scratch, acquiesced. The Mayor shoved a piece of paper into Pinkie's hooves. "There's your stupid permit. Must be nice to have a Princess as a friend."
As Diamond Tiara stomped away, Vinyl leaned over to whisper to Pinkie. "What a tool."
"She's not a tool, Vinyl." Pinkie corrected. "She's a pony."
Vinyl laughed. "You'd think that would get old, but somehow it's still adorable."
Pinkie was glad she got the joke. Some ponies took her too seriously when she said things like that, but Vinyl was never one to do so. "What brings you around, Scratch-Attack?"
"You! You... jerk!" Vinyl softly shoved Pinkie, barely hard enough to make her take a step. "I was done! I was happily retired, but you had to go and put the bug back in my brain."
"So you'll do it?" Pinkie almost squeed.
Vinyl sighed. "Yes, I will. But just this one! After it's over, I'm done for good."
"Don't worry. I promise I'll never ask you again." Pinkie promised.
Vinyl scratched her head. "So when exactly is it going to be?"
"Two days from now." Pinkie answered.
Two- oh." Vinyl turned and headed for the door. "I gotta go dig all my stuff out of storage. See you then!"

This is where the narrative will get a little confusing.
It was the day of the party, and Twilight was escorting Celestia into town. They had decided to walk the last stretch of the journey so the two Princesses could catch up with one another. Their duties kept them so busy these days.
"Oh my." Celestia gasped as they entered a Ponyville devoid of decorations. "You did tell Pinkie Pie the party was to be today, right?"
"This doesn't make any sense. I told her, I know I told her. Why would Pinkie..." Twilight had already begun to to panic as the question was asked. Therefore, what she said was more to herself than an answer for Celestia.
While Twilight trailed off into unintelligible mumbling, Rainbow Dash zipped over to meet them. "Hey Twilight, Princess."
Celestia dipped her head in greeting. "Hello, Rainbow Dash."
"Everypony's over there." Dash told them, pointing to the crowd she had just come from. "We're all just waiting for the party to start."
"Where's Pinkie?" Twilight growled, having recovered enough to be furious.
Dash just shrugged. "Heck if I know. I talked to Vinyl, hoping to at least get some music going, but she says she's waiting for Pinkie's signal. Said we'd know it when we see it."
Celestia was overjoyed to hear that DJ Pon-3 had come out of retirement for her. She doubted that Twilight knew there had been a time where the seemingly straight-laced Sun Princess was deep in the rave scene, her alicorn magic easily allowing her to cast illusionary disguises on herself. Then something above them caught her eye. "Is that one of those new planes I've heard about?"

Now we go back to the Party Lair.
"Ta-daa!"
Pinkie pulled a tarp off of a previously hidden device.
That's amazing, Pinkie. What is it?
"I call it the Party Nuke."
Party... Nuke?
Pinkie found a dry washcloth and began to dust the Party Nuke, gesturing wildly with her free hoof.
"It's like my Party Cannon, only way, way bigger! I call it Nuke 'cause it's short for the real name, which is New Cool Thing. New plus C makes NewC. So it's the Party Nuke! Get it?"
I get it, Pinkie. But now I have another question. You said it's way bigger than the Cannon, right?
"Yeah."
How much bigger?
"Well... If the Party Cannon can decorate a room, then this thing can definitely decorate all of Ponyville. It might even be able to decorate a city the size of Manehattan."
Mane- Pinkie you can't set that thing off here!
"Why not?"
If it explodes in the middle of town, it could destroy Ponyville!
Pinkie chuckled at that.
Don't be silly, Silly. It doesn't blow up on the ground. I'm going to detonate it in the air!"
How?
"I know a pony. A pony with a plane."

All three of them were watching the plane now, and as the noise it made got louder, more and more ponies turned to look. Dash's still sharp eyes saw something drop off it. "Did it just break?"

"Are you sure?" The pilot was barely audible over the roar of the engine. "You're serious?"
"I've never been so serious!" Pinkie Pie shouted back. She started strapping herself in.
Despite his skepticism, the pilot pushed the button. "Ok..."
The bay doors began to open. As they did, the Party Nuke Pinkie was now securely fastened to started to slide out of the plane.

They could hear her from the ground. "Ooookie Doookie Loookie!!!"
"Was that Pinkie's voice?" Applejack asked the confectioner sitting beside her.

Up in the sky, Pinkie double-checked her parachute. It was still there. Nodding, she unstrapped herself from the P.N. and gently pushed off.
Drift-falling away from her creation, Pinkie reached into a saddlebag and felt around until she found the detonator. She pulled it out, took one last look at Ponyville, and then pulled the parachute's cord.
"Well... It's been fun, Barrow Tone."
She hit the detonator.

The resulting confetti cloud fell on Ponyville for days, but the party itself outlasted even that. Specially trained medics worked in shifts, 24 hours a day, caring for exhausted party-goers. DJ Pon-3 later admitted that she was only able to survive thanks to Pinkie's new candy flavored energy drink, which was passed out in huge quantities absolutely free.
After the party, nopony saw Pinkie Pie again. Most ponies assume the enormous bacchanalia simply took too much of a toll on its planner, and that she quietly passed away after its successful conclusion. But there are some who believe that she's still out there, planning an even bigger event. This is, of course, ridiculous.
How could you top the Greatest Party Ever?