“Let the fun and games begin,
She is vain and broken in.
Skin is cold and white,
Such a lovely, lonely night...”
This was a Songfic (a fanfiction based around the lyrics of a song) that I came up with while being rather depressed and listening to the featured song (Breakdown by Breaking Benjamin) on repeat.
In no way, shape, or form does this fanfiction mean to imply that I hate Rarity, and there is no real harm intended.
As a secondary disclaimer, I do *not* own the lyrics, rights, or company that owns the lyrics/ rights to the song, that all belongs to Breaking Benjamin and the company that represents them. The only thing I own is the idea for this story, and the way it was brought together, I suppose.
Chapters (1)
I love the idea behind the story, I love how you've done it, and I love the song you based it on.
I'm keeping an eye on you.
I really like how you used font colors to emphasize certain words in your lyrics. It gives the story a very vibrant feel to it. The story seems slightly wooden, but I'm wondering if that was your intent in the prose. It seems much more like a child's fairy tale than a constructed narrative.
"In no way, shape, or form does this fanfiction mean to imply that I hate Rarity"
Aw, come on! You know you hate her. And that you'd slit her throat if you could. I know I want to.
google.co.uk/url?source=imglanding&ct=img&q=http://img.ponibooru.org/_images/86c2c87c6b85537a7ea6ea9f5b2866cf/181285%20-%20artist%3Adevilhooves%20blood%20Carousel%20gore%20guro%20rarity%20skewer%20tears.jpg&sa=X&ei=1Ca1T5PWHZPe8QP04sEP&ved=0CAkQ8wc&usg=AFQjCNGyX-gQQ2nHehBueTcqxYsESnd2YQ
I say sir! Good shot! Hahaha!
Scootallo- Oh thank you so much! ^.^
Ginger Nut Gin- Actually, it was my intent to make it sound more like a fairytale, as my English class has been using them to go over ideas and such for the remainder of the school year. And this whole thing was written in about an hour, then edited (The usual spelling and major grammar issues as well as deciding on the bold and colors for the lyrics) in another half hour to forty-five minutes "^.^
As for the colors, it was a last minute thing, since I felt it needed that extra 'something' I couldn't quite get in my writing. I'm still a bit new at fan fictions, I'm afraid "^.^
Bloodpool- Well, I did mention that so I didn't get hate for killing off Rarity. And that picture of yours, that is something. I looked for a while for a good picture to use for this, but the one I found was the only one with Rarity beaten, but not... So gorey.
Well, I'm glad this is doing moderately well. I expected a lot of "THIS is wrong, THAT is wrong, that's NOT how the other ponies would act, etc.,"
Well, here's to hoping I haven't just jinxed myself ^.^
606837
I know a few people that'd tear it down, although I myself didn't see any major issues (just some small things, like capitalizing letters after an ellipsis or semicolon). However, judging by the amount of stories you've written, that's not something you need. Hadn't previously heard of 'songfics' and I'm glad to have the first one I've seen be of a song by one of my favourite bands (if you're making another, I demand In Flames!
)
I seriously am looking forward to seeing more from you. I prefer shorter fanfics over longer ones, and this one really managed to tell a story, in very few words, too.
I'd like to suggest that you find somebody else to edit your work (I've found that proof-reading the story yourself doesn't work as well. You skip parts of sentences because you already know what's going to happen). If you can't find anybody, and IF you do so before the story gets too long, I'm always up for editing.
Here's hoping that you won't take too long with your next story (but please, don't rush it)
-Scoots.
606966 All right, thank you ^.^
I am definitely considering another one, since songfics are usually easier to write anyway. They've got the whole story set out, all you have to do is put it in writing ^.^
As for your taste in music, I definitely approve! I've loved Breaking Benjamin for a while now, and recently stumbled across In Flames, as their song Moonshield is the theme song for Ulquiorra from the anime Bleach. He's one of my favorite villains~
And thanks for the offer! I might have to take you up on it one day XD
can you do one with the song you from breaking benjamin its on there album phobia
im a huge fan of them
Mama?...