Breakdown! A My Little Pony Songfic

by Takaska

Chapter 1

It wasn’t like Rarity to not answer her door, especially at this time of day. Spike started to worry, but Twilight promised him that Rarity was fine.

But when she was found, ‘fine’ was one of the last words anypony would use to describe her.

“Breakdown!”

Rarity was found unconscious, beaten, bloody and bruised in an alleyway.

From the air, Rainbow Dash thought she was a dirty lump of pillows or sheets somepony had thrown away.

Then when she saw it was a pony, she thought Rarity was dead.

Rarity was carted to the Hospital barely alive.

“Let the fun and games begin,
She is vain and broken in.
Skin is cold and white,
Such a lovely, lonely night...”

Shadow Walker snuck up to the white pony with the fancy purple mane.

White was the color of purity, safety, and love.

None of which he was familiar with. He knew only lust, danger, and hardship.

Such a vain pony, to be such a color. To think herself so much higher than the others.

That beacon of purity in the dead of night, was just another thing to be conquered. Another thing to besmirch, to make feel impure, unsafe, and unloved.

This was managed in maybe fifteen minutes, but he continued for hours; Until the thing that was once white and pure, was now bloodied, and very much so impure.

And then the shadows beckoned him back into their embrace, to leave the thing to rot.

What a lonely night for that thing indeed...

"Heaven is on the way,
You could feel the hate,
But I guess, you never will...
I'm on a roll again,
And I want an end,
'Cause I feel you creepin' in!”

As much as everyone tried to convince Spike, and themselves, that things would be okay, he knew with resentment, fear, and pure rage that they wouldn’t be.

He knew that Rarity- HIS Rarity- had been forever broken. Things would never- COULD never- go back to the way they were.

So he left the hospital, and walked as far as his legs could take him.

He felt like he was dying.

His very soul cried out;

Rarity! Why Rarity? Why her?

“What I've found,
In this town,
I'm headin' for a breakdown!
What's that sound?
You're so loud!
I'm headin' for a breakdown!"

When he dropped to the ground, on the outskirts of the Everfree Forest, he sobbed uncontrollably. He heard animals moving around, chittering, slithering, and crawling. They were unused to a crying dragon in their territory, that was for sure.

And Spike was unused to all of these... These awful feelings, and awful thoughts that plagued his tiny being.

All at once, everything was so loud.

Too loud for him to handle, almost.

“Drank up all my alcohol,
This is not a free for all.
I'll be there for you,
Till my heart is black an' blue!"

Nopony knew what to do. So they tried to drown their sorrows. Alcohol passed by many lips that night, and many tears were shed until most of Rarity’s friends had passed out, or cried themselves to sleep, or a mixture of both.

But Rarity’s closest friends, the Elements of Harmony, while taking a few drinks, and getting a buzz, never left her side.

Sweetie Bell cried softly, curled up next to her sister.

She was sick of the tears, but her sister needed her.

So with her sister, is where she would stay.

“Heaven is on the way,
You could feel the hate,
But I guess you never will...
I'm on a roll again,
And I want an end,
'Cause I feel you creepin' in!”

Rarity was dying. That much was certain. She had lain comatose for a full two days, and had only gotten worse. Death seemed inevitable, the way is sort of creeped in, closer and closer. Spike, Twilight, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, the entire Apple family- everypony who knew, or knew of, Rarity (The whole of Ponyville) had all seemed to stop... Living. There were scarcely any smiles, even from the resident Party Pony. Ponies seemed to catch themselves if even the ghost of a smile passed their lips.

Especially no smiles came from Sweetie Bell. She had refused to leave her sisters’ side. She barely ate or drank anything.

Princess Celestia herself was coming down later. To give her condolences to the Element of Generosity, and to see if there was anything she could do.

“What I've found,
In this town,
I'm headin' for a breakdown!
What's that sound?
You're so loud!
I'm headin' for a breakdown!"

Rarity could hear her friends. Her sister. The Princesses themselves, when they stopped by. But she could not move.

Her hooves stayed still. She wanted to reach out to somepony. But it was like they were tied down, clamped to the bed.

She wanted to open her eyes and see her friends and sister smile again, but it was as though they were taped shut.

She wanted to speak. Tell them that if only their tears stopped, and that BLASTED laughing went away, she would be fine.

But the laughter stayed. The laughter of that foul, evil stallion who had done this to her. He had taken her innocence. He had beaten her, and held her down and kept her quiet with magic of his own. He had... Done unspeakable things to her.

And she couldn’t tell anypony what he looked like, because he had forced her into this comatose state.

“What I've found,
In this town,
I'm headin' for a breakdown!
What's that sound?
You're so loud!
I'm headin' for a breakdown!"

Then that day came. Spike finally brought himself up to see his love, and when he had gotten there...

She had just passed away.

Spike never even got to say goodbye to the mare he loved.

And so, no one said anything when he screamed in frustration. When his tears made a puddle on the floor. Only Twilight came up to him when he stopped going on a rampage, and brought him into a hug.

These thing happen for a reason, she had choked out.

But Spike saw no reason for Rarity; beautiful, generous, and PERFECT Rarity, to have to have... Suffered like that.

No reason at all.

“A black cloud,
You’re so proud!
I'm headin' for a breakdown!
What's that sound?
You're so loud!
I'm headin' for a breakdown!"

The day they buried Rarity, an enormous black cloud, one unscheduled by the Weather Pegasi, floated above Ponyville. It seemed to cry with them.

But to Spike, it looked like it was mocking them. Mocking their sadness. Mocking Rarity’s very memory.

He shook his fist in the air, and cried up to the cloud.

You think you’re so tough, so PROUD up there?! Why would you let this happen?!

His cries resounded throughout Ponyville. Everypony’s mourning seemed to reach to the heavens themselves.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Rarity looked down on them from Heaven.

Rarity looked down at the one who did this to her.

Rarity watched over her friends, and ensured that they were welcomed properly into Heaven when their time came.

And Rarity, among countless other mares that Shadow Walker (Who had never been convicted of his crimes in life, and died of old age) had tormented, and killed, witnessed his fall into the deepest layer of Hell itself.

And then, finally, Rarity’s soul at long last knew peace.

AN~ I was trying something new with the colors, and if it bothers many people, I can get rid of the color and have it be normal.

Comments

[Static Shock]

I love the idea behind the story, I love how you've done it, and I love the song you based it on.

I'm keeping an eye on you.

[abandoned2123]

I really like how you used font colors to emphasize certain words in your lyrics. It gives the story a very vibrant feel to it. The story seems slightly wooden, but I'm wondering if that was your intent in the prose. It seems much more like a child's fairy tale than a constructed narrative.

[Bloodpool]

"In no way, shape, or form does this fanfiction mean to imply that I hate Rarity"
Aw, come on! You know you hate her. And that you'd slit her throat if you could. I know I want to.
google.co.uk/url?source=imglanding&ct=img&q=http://img.ponibooru.org/_images/86c2c87c6b85537a7ea6ea9f5b2866cf/181285%20-%20artist%3Adevilhooves%20blood%20Carousel%20gore%20guro%20rarity%20skewer%20tears.jpg&sa=X&ei=1Ca1T5PWHZPe8QP04sEP&ved=0CAkQ8wc&usg=AFQjCNGyX-gQQ2nHehBueTcqxYsESnd2YQ
I say sir! Good shot! Hahaha!

[Takaska]

Scootallo- Oh thank you so much! ^.^

Ginger Nut Gin- Actually, it was my intent to make it sound more like a fairytale, as my English class has been using them to go over ideas and such for the remainder of the school year. And this whole thing was written in about an hour, then edited (The usual spelling and major grammar issues as well as deciding on the bold and colors for the lyrics) in another half hour to forty-five minutes "^.^
As for the colors, it was a last minute thing, since I felt it needed that extra 'something' I couldn't quite get in my writing. I'm still a bit new at fan fictions, I'm afraid "^.^

Bloodpool- Well, I did mention that so I didn't get hate for killing off Rarity. And that picture of yours, that is something. I looked for a while for a good picture to use for this, but the one I found was the only one with Rarity beaten, but not... So gorey.

Well, I'm glad this is doing moderately well. I expected a lot of "THIS is wrong, THAT is wrong, that's NOT how the other ponies would act, etc.,"
Well, here's to hoping I haven't just jinxed myself ^.^

[Static Shock]

606837

I know a few people that'd tear it down, although I myself didn't see any major issues (just some small things, like capitalizing letters after an ellipsis or semicolon). However, judging by the amount of stories you've written, that's not something you need. Hadn't previously heard of 'songfics' and I'm glad to have the first one I've seen be of a song by one of my favourite bands (if you're making another, I demand In Flames! )

I seriously am looking forward to seeing more from you. I prefer shorter fanfics over longer ones, and this one really managed to tell a story, in very few words, too.

I'd like to suggest that you find somebody else to edit your work (I've found that proof-reading the story yourself doesn't work as well. You skip parts of sentences because you already know what's going to happen). If you can't find anybody, and IF you do so before the story gets too long, I'm always up for editing.

Here's hoping that you won't take too long with your next story (but please, don't rush it)

-Scoots.

[Takaska]

606966 All right, thank you ^.^
I am definitely considering another one, since songfics are usually easier to write anyway. They've got the whole story set out, all you have to do is put it in writing ^.^
As for your taste in music, I definitely approve! I've loved Breaking Benjamin for a while now, and recently stumbled across In Flames, as their song Moonshield is the theme song for Ulquiorra from the anime Bleach. He's one of my favorite villains~
And thanks for the offer! I might have to take you up on it one day XD

[sniper alchemist]

can you do one with the song you from breaking benjamin its on there album phobia

[sniper alchemist]

im a huge fan of them

[Party Pop]

Mama?...