• Member Since 23rd Mar, 2015
  • offline last seen Sep 12th, 2017

Solid Spark


E

It's been ages since Trouble Shoes had any hope of competing in a rodeo. However, today would be different. Going to the Equestria Rodeo competition in Canterlot would get him to learn from the best. Obviously every proficient rodeo pony was going to be there, so learning the rodeo would be a snap.

After all, what could go wrong?


Cover Art and Editing by luna150

Written for the Equestria Daily Writers' Training Ground

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 6 )

I wish they put this in the last episode, it's so much more heartfelt and saddening, and it would've really tied in to the whole story arc. This is now my head cannon. Outstanding work :raritywink:

Ri2

...It was YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

It's a good idea, but the execution needs some work. Specifically, it keeps switching between present and past tense. It's not easy to keep tenses straight, but a read-through specifically to check for them can help.

I wrote comments on the EqD post here. (I was confused.)

Hey, this was pretty nice! You had a solid story here and there's a lot you did right. Seeing Trouble Shoes before he became pessimistic and gloomy added a little more to his character. I feel that it would take more than one screwed-up rodeo for him to completely turn low-spirited, but you've given him a good reason with accidentally sabotaging Applejack's run. Speaking of which, the spacing between each sentence during that point really gives it the feeling she's approaching each hurdle and tackling them one at a time. I also liked that you used that abbreviation "DNF", 'cause it helps sell that it's an athletic event, and the tie-in to "The Last Roundup" is also great.

There's a few problems you have with present and past tense, but I was still able to read and understand the story. In a few places in the dialogue you need some commas, and "Actually that'd be mighty fine Applejack" needs a period at the end. Applejack's statement of "You monster" is a bit out of character for her - that's more of a phrase Rarity would be likely to say.

Overall, you've done a good job, and I liked reading through your story. Keep writing!

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