EqD Writers Training Ground for Georg - S5

by Georg

Week 1: Short Legs and Tall Tails - Braeburn's Bedtime Stories

Week 1: Short Legs and Tall Tails - Braeburn’s Bedtime Stories
For the S5 EqD Writers Training Ground

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“Tell us a story before bedtime, Cousin Braeburn.”

Despite a sweaty afternoon of hard manual labor, the three little fillies had perked up after a quick bath, and Braeburn had been tasked with tucking them into bed this evening. All three of the Cutie Mark Crusaders were still buzzing with energy after their exciting day at the rodeo, and Braeburn’s small guest bedroom was proving to be inadequate to the task of calming the little ponies down and giving them the rest they needed before their long train ride back to Ponyville tomorrow.

“Ah don’t know, cuz.” Braeburn tousled Apple Bloom’s mane and regarded her two little friends. “Wouldn’t you rather I go get Cousin Applejack? Ol’ Braeburn don’t know too many interesting stories.”

“You could tell us about how you got your cutie mark!” said Sweetie Belle.

“Had an apple fall and hit me on the head,” said Braeburn. “That’s why I wear a hat now.”

“You could tell us how you came to Appleoosa,” said Scootaloo with a eager buzz of her wings that knocked the covers off the bed.

“Born here,” he grunted as he picked the covers up off the floor with his teeth and threw them back on the bed.

“You could tell us about the first time you met Applejack,” suggested Apple Bloom.

“At a reunion,” he said, tucking in the blanket around the three little fillies.

“Well, how did you hurt your leg?” asked Scootaloo. “Was it doing some fantastic rodeo trick?”

“Well…” Braeburn hesitated for a moment. “I suppose it was a little interesting. I’ll tell you three, if you promise to go right to sleep afterwards.”

“We promise,” chorused the three little fillies.

“Very well, then. It was a couple of nights ago, under the full moon, when I was out in the Oil Painting Desert, looking for rare cactusfruit. You see, them cactus only bloom under the full moon, and bear their fruit in one night. I had taken a set of saddlebags and my trusty rope before I set out, trying to find the legendary Valley of the Giants. It’s said that cactusfruit there get bigger than apples, almost as big as your head even.”

“Cuz,” said Apple Bloom, “are you sure you’re telling the truth? Applejack showed me a cactusfruit from one of her trips out here, and it weren’t no bigger than a cherry.”

“If I’m lyin’ I’m dieing,” pledged the cowpony with a cross of one bandaged hoof across his chest. “Anyway, there I was, trudging across the moonlit sand for hours on end. I had gotten so turned around that I would have been hopelessly lost, if not for the stars to guide me. But I trudged onward, and when I came over a low ridge, there it was. The Valley of the Giants.”

“How could you tell?” asked Sweetie Belle.

“It had this great big green sign, about twelve ponies tall that said, ‘Welcome to the Valley of the Giants,’” said Braeburn. “Even if there weren’t no sign there, it was pretty obvious. The cactus there were ten times as tall as a pony, and as I walked through the prickly forest, I thought for sure there was going to be a whole passel of cactusfruit. But look as much as I did, and there weren’t none at all, anywhere!”

“So how did you hurt your leg?” asked Scootaloo. “Did you get a giant cactus spine in it?”

“I’m gettin’ there, little filly.” Braeburn paused with a contemplative look. “Anyways, I was just about ready to come on home, when what did I see out there in the moonlight on this big ol’ patch of sand, but a whale!”

“Braeburn!” scoffed Apple Bloom. “There ain’t no whales around these parts. You’re just pullin’ our legs like Applejack says you do.”

“There is too whales in this neck of the country,” countered Braeburn. “This here was one of the legendary Sandwhales of the Oil Painting Desert. They swim through the sand like ocean whales do the water, but they normally keep way deep underground, as the sun burns their sensitive hides. This one was huge, nearly the size of a hundred ponies all lined up nose to tail, and that’s not counting whatever was under the sand. It was right up next to the wall of the valley, all hootin’ and blowin’ like it had a sandbur caught under one flipper.”

“Really?” asked Scootaloo. “Was it hurt?”

“I didn’t know for sure,” said Braeburn. “But I heard something over the noise that just chilled my hide. That there whale had caught some filly and trapped her in a cave, and it weren’t about to let her out. Well, I knew just what to do.”

“Run and get help?” asked Sweetie Belle.

“No way! I galloped on down into that valley all hootin’ and a hollerin’ to beat the band, and that big ‘ol sandwhale was so startled that it dove undersand when I galloped on into the cave.”

“Wow,” said Apple Bloom.

“It weren’t all that much, cuz,” admitted Braeburn. “Once I had galloped past, it surfaced right behind me. Plum near scared me out of a year’s growth, but since I was in the cave with that frightened filly, I put on a brave front and tried to calm her down.”

“She must have been so frightened,” said Sweetie Belle.

“Mad, actually,” said Braeburn with a wistful smile. “She was a snortin’ and a pawin’ at the ground like I had a brought that durned old sandwhale myself, but she looked purtier than anypony I had ever met before. She had a dark coat and wings the color of thunderclouds in the moonlight, with a mane that flowed like a river of stars. There was a whole passel of huge cactusfruits being held in her magic behind her, and she explained that she was about to take them home to Canterlot when the sandwhale had attacked.”

“Wait a minute,” said Apple Bloom. “She had wings and unicorn magic?”

“And she lived in Canterlot?” asked Scootaloo.

“And her mane was full of stars?” said Sweetie Belle.

“Princess Luna!” they all three chorused.

“I do believe she said her name was Luna,” said Braeburn after some consideration. “Purtiest filly in all of Equestria, I’d think, an’ blushed all pink when I told her too.

“Well, I didn’t have much time to sit there and jaw with her as that big ‘ol sandwhale was a coming back at the cave entrance and all we had there to defend ourselves was that passel of giant cactusfruits. So I grabbed one of them fruits and bucked it right into that whale’s face, and you know what?”

“What?” chorused the three little fillies.

“That sandwhale just nipped that cactusfruit right outa the air, just like throwin’ Winona one of her doggie treats. Didn’t like it much, though. Its face got all wrinkley and these big ‘ol tears started flowing out of its eyes. Well, Luna didn’t like that much. Gave me a mean look like I had hurt a itty bitty baby and went out there in the sand to pat that big sandwhale on the back and wipe away its tears. Turns out she could talk to it, once the critter had calmed down a bit, an’ it really didn’t like all that juice in those cactusfruits. Them sandwhales are dry critters, and the moisture hurt it something awful.”

“That’s terrible,” gasped Sweetie Belle.

“Weren’t all that bad,” admitted Braeburn. “Princess Luna, she whipped up a cider press out of her magic so we could squish all the juice out of them thar cactusfruits and give the squished parts to Beluga. That’s her name, by the way. She was just a little tyke, and wanted a taste of them cactusfruits afore the sun got up and dried them out all proper like for the rest of the sandwhales to nibble on the next night. Worked out pretty darned good for Luna too. Turns out all that cute filly wanted in the first place was the juice fer some reason or the other. Took a whole cask back to Canterlot with her after she talked Beluga into giving me a lift back to Appleoosa.”

“So how did you hurt your leg then, cuz?” asked Apple Bloom.

Braeburn blushed. “Well, that cider press that Luna whipped up needed somepony to turn the crank on it, and I tole her I’d be right obliged if she’d let me. Turned it so much that night that I sprained my ankle. Seems a little silly, twisting my ankle running a cider press, and Applejack would just give me all kinds o’ heck about showin’ off for a pretty mare, so I’d appreciate it if you three little fillies would just keep that to ourselves.”

The door to the guest bedroom creaked open and a soft voice called, “Braeburn, my love. Beluga the Sandwhale hath been waiting upon thee for several minutes. When shalt thou be done with thy story?”

“Just a moment,” said Braeburn with a chuckle as all three of the little filly’s eyes grew large. “And that’s how I hurt my leg. Now you three go to sleep like you promised, and I’ll see you all in the morning before you head on back to Ponyville with Cousin Applejack, ‘ya hear? Luna’s gonna have some really nice dreams for ya tonight, on account of you helping Trouble Shoes find his cutie mark, I’ll bet.”

He slipped out of the guest bedroom and closed the door before turning to the giggling mare on the other side of the doorway. “Now, Cousin AJ. You do a pretty good imitation of Luna’s voice, but that weren’t very polite of ya.”

“I couldn’t help it,” said Applejack through the stifled laughter. “You and yer tall tales. Ah swear, they just get wilder every year. Tell your cousin the truth now. You stepped in a chuckhole again, didn’t you?”

Whatever Braeburn was about to say was cut off by the gentle tapping on Braeburn’s front door, followed by the door opening up and the Princess of the Night poking her head in. “Good evening, friend Applejack. I was just about to invite your handsome cousin for an evening of starwatching out in the Oil Painting Desert in appreciation for his hard work several days ago.”

Luna turned to the blushing cowpony with a wink. “Beluga doth speak kindly of you, and would greatly appreciate another night in our presence. And—” Luna produced a dark bottle that sloshed slightly as she moved it. “—the cactusfruit didst ferment well, and produced a wine of great fortitude. Shall we be off?”

“Of course, Your Highness,” said Braeburn, stepping forward with a grin. “I honestly couldn’t think of anywhere else I would rather be.”

---

After several requests, I have found a picture of the sign at the top of the Valley of Giants, credit to the Mayo House in MN

(It just needs ponyfied, but I’m not an artist. Heck, I’m barely a writer.)

Comments

[Georg]

First comment reserved for author notes. Here we go again, much like last season's EqD Writers Training Ground where I treated you all to stories like Princess Twilight Sparkle - Mistress of the Night and that memorable tribute to Estee's 100 percent move, 50 percent fire -:- Cutting The Chord, Swinging The Hammer, and Dropping the Piano.

Well, this season promises my writing to be better, and like all promises, I plan on breaking it just as soon and as dramatically as possible. Expect new realms of oddities and typos strung together with far too many commas and dramatic gramatical errors that will confound all mankind. And womankind. And ponies too.

Hope you enjoyed Braeburn's foray into the world of youth entertainment, and are looking forward to more of the same (you masochists, you).

See you next week

[j-grizz]

An excellent tale.

[FanOfMostEverything]

Well, truth is often stranger than fiction, especially in Equestria.

Wasn't expecting Braeburn to be born in Appleoosa, though it does explain his sometimes overwhelming civic pride.

[Georg]

5953984 I'm not positive about it, but I believe Appleoosa was just founded a year ago, so Braeburn seems to be pulling *somepony's* leg on at least one topic.

[Silverweed]

So, Braeburn is the Pony-version of Captain Bluebear...

...that somehow makes sense.

[Lancerlot]

An Imaginary Conversation:

Luna: "Celestia is starting to ask questions. Would you be offended if I told her about us?"
Braeburn: "That we're a mite closer friends than she knows, you mean?"
Luna: "She might start hearing wedding bells. That happens, sometimes."
Braeburn: "Ah won't have to be a prince, will I?"
Luna: I think I can bring back the title of "Consort."
Braeburn: "Uh ...Let me think on that. 'Prince' might be better. Any of that wine left?"

[HeartofIndigo]

That was so much fun, and a double twist of cactusfruit for garnish! Cheers!

[Xtralife]

This was just seriously fantastic. I couldn't figure out how Braeburn's story would top itself after each new development, and with all the country-styled similes, I never guessed he was telling the truth. I'm definitely reading your continued weekly stories!