its a romantic HiE story.
Pinkie gets assigned to a human to protect, but as time progress, she starts to develop feelings towards him.
Will he love her back?
Chapters (3)
- Member Since 18th Mar, 2012
- offline last seen Nov 11th, 2015
Lazypoisonfl
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Lazypoisonfl
Joined 18th Mar, 2012 ·
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i shall probally read this sometime in July!
It's a cute idea, don't get me wrong, but the narrative seems very, very garbled. I'd suggest you seek a good prereader or at the very least an editor to help you sort out some of the major kinks here. They can do wonders for your work.
607766 thanks for the advice
I'm not exactly one to give constructive criticism, but I'd say it isn't looking too shabby.. Certainly an interesting idea..
But it's waaaay too short
607804 sorry for the short chapter, I'll find someone to help me with that
And i like your avatar
I am entirely willing to proofread/edit for you, message me if you're interested
607823
Hmmm, will check this out later tonight. There may be drinking involved.
Well this concept sure is new.....I'm going to keepp my eye on this and see where this goes.....like the idea of this, its sweet.
Alright,I'm out.
cdn.smosh.com/sites/default/files/bloguploads/steal-86-fab-ian.gif
MORE!!!!....I WISH THIS WERE TRUE
608525 i have to redo this chapter First, so please be patient
oh ok
608020 that made me laugh
not bad
Yah I like the concept but there are a few holes in the logic; such as the amount of humans compared to ponies. Not everyone will have a guardian. There were also quite a few grammatical/spelling errors that I found. A simple run over the chapter and you should spot the majority of them.
I will- haha one sec.. it is 4:20 and had to point that out... lol... pot...
As I was saying before I rudely interrupted myself; I will do a more in depth analysis (and edit if you want me to) of this chapter later. Some time when it isnt 4:30am and my brain is running on more than 10% power. lol.
Again, I like this story and the concept and I will definitely love to read more. Brain now at 8% battery. Aghhh and I have another 6 hours before I will sleep. Might as well try to meditate without falling asleep.
610081 not every single pony in equestria has a human
What's the population..like 10 million or something like that
Only a few million humans are being watched over by them (i call them the lucky ones)
And sorry, I've already have someone helping me
610153 I can see why they would be lucky. Especially the one guarded by pinkie. Brain is on about 5% right now. lol.
610157 lol
I just woke up so I'm about 82%
610158 It is 5:15am here. If it is the same time for you, why are you up so early? Oh wait... does Walter follow you to school? Dude have him help you on tests!! (Only if he wants to, of course)
610162 he only stays at home
I get up at 5 to get ready for school
which state do you live in
610167 Michigan. But I am between semesters in college now.
i live in florida, so we're in the same time zone then
610153
You do know that there are over 7 billion people in the world right? Side by side comparison;
10000000 <- 10 million, your number
7000000000 <- 7 billion, just under the estimated number
Any way, original idea for story, just a little rough around the edges, but I don't think you put as much effort into the mechanics of the human monitor.
For eg. you could have built it as a sort of PDA, a magical scroll, or even maybe a necklace. Just some thoughts on making a good story better though.
612946 I've meant the population of equestria, not earth.
I'm going to fix this soon
612968
Right, sorry then. Any way keep going at it and make your story something to be proud of!
612978 i have someone helping me, and he's doing a awesome job
"pip-pony 3000" insert fallout 3 refrence here
this is a really god idea and i like your style please keep up the good work
637609 will do
Not forgiven!
Make sure you watch what tense you are writing in. I noticed you switched between past and present quite often.
I remember...a flicker of a memory...about this fic. It was so, so long ago...
Please don't make me wait another 7 MONTHS for a new chapter, ok?
Great chapter can't wait for more
This is getting good.
I can't wait until Twilight reads that....
The chapters need to be a bit longer. Other than that, keep up the superb work!
bit too informal for twilight, wouldn't ya say?
MORE!!!!! GOOD!!!!!! MORRREEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!