Berry Punch may be the town alcoholic, but it hasn't always been that way. Though she has always seen herself as vulnerable and undesireable, she was once a young mare full of hopes and dreams just like anypony else. This story hilights one of the most difficult and most wonderful periods of her life: the birth of her daughter, as well as her love for the brown stallion who made her life worth living.
But Cherry Cola has some secrets of his own. Will they get in the way of his relationship with the one he is certain is his soulmate, or is Berry truly the pony he trusts she is, ready to forgive and forget and make a life together work out.
I tried to write an adventure story, an exciting slice of life story, and a fun story but of course the first fanfic I feel confident enough in to post is a sappy, cheesy, love story that may not even rival Twilight. And yes, the cover image is original which is why it's so bad. Honestly, I want as much feedback on this as possible - be mean, I can take it. I'd really like to improve.
It's good. You splice a few sentences here and there but that's hardly a matter unless it gets taken way out of hoof. I like it.
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Thanks so much for the feedback, I'm glad you enjoyed it. :)
Keep on going; there cannot be enough romance about Berry Punch
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Thanks so much. :) I agree, Berry Punch needs moar love.
I agree. There are less errors in this story than most that I read on this site, and none that I found especially jarring. I'm interested in where the story will go, though I have my suspicions.
yay! Another sweet and very nicely done chapter. I love how you're not making Berry out to be an alcoholic like she is in so many other fics.
Two things though. You used the word 'handful' and ponies do not have hands.
Also, you should use single quotes when a character is thinking something. Some people also take this a step further and italicize what the character is thinking, but that's just a matter of preference.
Very nicely done. Your portrayal of the characters is excellent.
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Fixed. Thanks so much for your help.
I had it italicized, but copypasta from OneNote didn't keep the formatting. I keep forgetting that this system uses BBS code. :P
First!
Also, M*A*S*H reference!
Nice job so far
Edit: I have boarded the SS BerryCola!
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Thank you again. :) M*A*S*H is an awesome show - I couldn't help but slip in the reference. :) I'm glad you're enjoying it and I'm so happy you've boarded my ship! XD
866806 Thank you so much! I'm very glad you enjoyed it and rest assured, it will continue. :)
Was this chapter here earlier? I was so sure it wasn't, but the dates seem to say otherwise...
Anyway, I've been hoping this would go up soon, even though I just found out about it last night.
That's just how excited I am for this. I love Cherry Cola in this. He's freakishly close to my characterization of him except that I paired him with Twinkle instead of Berry. I'm just glad he's not a jerk! That would just be unbelievable for me.
Actually, my Cherry Cola is shy, but these two are still close!
Well don't worry, Berry! Maybe, Cherry Cola has unicorns in his family! Surely you wouldn't have slept with a unicorn! Don't ruin the beautiful love story for me!!!
I'm sorry. I'm very into this, you see.
D'aww! I knew Cherry must have unicorn blood. This plot could have gone WAY out of proportion if he hadn't. I would have been disappointed. Can't wait fot the next part!
I feel bad for having missed out a lot on these updates
On note, could it be possible for me to use name Cherry Cola for my work The Bond? Currently needing a name for a bar keeper that just happens to be dating Berry Punch. I'd put a link at the bottom and such, of course
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Sorry for taking so long to reply. I'm glad you like Cherry Cola - I always find myself struggling with characterization and I'm inclined to agree - reading a story in which Cherry Cola were a jerk would be unfathomable in my books.
Haha, I'm glad it was so captivating, and yes, you thought of that. I was hoping you would. :)
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I wasn't interested in writing a ponified soap opera or anything. It just seems to me that Berry is the sort who worries about everything, and so being afraid that she's cheated isn't too much of a stretch for her.
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Don't worry about it - I seldom read story updates as soon as they come out myself - my 'read later' list is about three miles long. :P I would be absolutely honored if you used Cherry Cola because of this. :) He is a background pony and free for anypony to use in their stories, this is simply my spin on him.