You seem to have javascript disabled, or your browser is failing to execute it properly. Much of Fimfiction's functionality requires javascript so we suggest you turn it on! If this message goes away after a few seconds, ignore it, javascript support sometimes takes a few seconds to detect.

Featured In18

More Stories8

  • E 7DSJ: A Mother's Duty

    7DSJ sidestory. In the wake of Sunset's return and permanent departure from Equestria, Celestia wonders if she did enough for the unicorn that was like a daughter to her.
    3,228 words · 353 views  ·  51  ·  0
  • T he. she. we.

    A man, empty. A mare, damaged. A life, lived. A life - loved.
    47,920 words · 3,108 views  ·  428  ·  26 · sex
  • T Polarity: A Tale of Two Sisters

    Prequel to All-American Girl. Derpy Hooves must face a number of sudden important life decisions
    50,774 words · 2,041 views  ·  181  ·  10 · sex
  • T Seven Days in Sunny June, Book I

    A tale in the Berylverse. Meanwhile, a reality away, Sunset Shimmer's life has changed since she met Princess Twilight...and it's about to change even more, whether she likes it or not.
    150,115 words · 1,680 views  ·  168  ·  13 · sex
  • T All-American Girl

    A pony raised amongst humans finds out about her birth mother - Rarity.
    360,213 words · 20,053 views  ·  874  ·  100 · sex · gore
  • T Kind Hearts & Coronets

    Before she was a mother with regrets, she was a maiden in love: the love story of Rarity and Silversteel. An All-American Girl prequel
    139,174 words · 675 views  ·  77  ·  8 · sex
  • T The Black Ponies

    Pinkie Pie must recover the Elements of Harmony, using the ability only she posesses: Paries Quartus
    122,676 words · 526 views  ·  14  ·  7 · gore
  • E Twilight Eats Peaches & Herb

    A princess who can't dance must face her funky destiny.
    1,085 words · 302 views  ·  24  ·  17

Blog Posts241

  • Wednesday
    ...and A Worried Sister.

    4 comments · 36 views
  • Sunday
    Just a reminder....

    6 comments · 114 views
  • 1w, 3h
    An Angry Daughter...

    7 comments · 126 views
  • 1w, 1d
    Quick Note:

    All-American Girl Chapter Twenty-Two is now with the editors.  Gunning for a Thanksgiving Day release.

    For those of you who are wondering if that's intentional?   Maybe. :trollestia:

    16 comments · 111 views
  • 1w, 3d
    Pet Peeves

    Okay, just had to get this off my chest.  If you're affected by one or more of these, take these as constructive criticism.  If not, well, feel free to laugh along.  I'm probably going to piss off a few people by saying this.  You know what?  These things happen.

    1.  There's a system for writing creative fiction.  No, it's not called the Chicago Manual of Style.  It's called the Oxford Companion to the English Language.  It is as important for creative writing as Chicago is for essay writing.  What that means is that creative writers are recommended to (not "should") use Oxford as their guide to creative writing (i.e. stories, poetry, etc.) and Chicago for essays.  There's also the AP and UPI guides for journalism, but we won't get into that right now.

    What that also means is that Chicago is not the end-all, be-all for writing styles in English.  There is no fucking end-all, be-all for English, because English doesn't have one!  It's one of the few (if not the only) languages that does not have an official organization in charge of the language (c.f. the Académie française for French).  Yes, we joke about the BBC being the Keeper of the English language, but you know what?  That's not official.  Even the S&P folks at the Beeb will tell you that.

    Yes, I'm talking to you, fanfic prereaders at Equestria Daily.  No, "But that's the style everyone knows!" is not an excuse.*  C'mon, I'm fucking American and I use the Oxford (for those who are hung up on "MURICA!" mode, Harvard University also uses Oxford.) There is no fucking reason at all that prereaders, editors, etc. in the modern Inter-fucking-net Age should not know what it is.  I mean, I'm not expecting people to have masters degrees in English from Oxford University, I'm just asking your lazy asses to Google it and see that it really exists!**

    2.  On what fucking planet does single quotes indicate internal dialogue?  Or is this another damn Chicago thing some tenured fucking professor in his Ivory Soap Tower decided was for realisies?  I know this might come as a shock to those of you who think that SMS should be the next style guide for the English language, but it's italics.  To wit:

    WRONG: 'Rob says that whoever taught you that is a doofus.' Shinzakura thought.

    RIGHT: Rob says that whoever taught you that is a dumbass, Shinzakura thought.

    3.  No, Brian Goldner (the CEO of Hasbro) does not live his days just to piss you off.  He runs a toy company; some may argue he also ran the Hub into the ground, but that's a different story.  Yes, you might not be happy about Lauren Faust's ex-employment status.  Yes, you might be pissed about Fighting is Magic getting Shoryukened in favor of a mediocre Farmville knockoff.  Yes, Lyra and Bon-Bon/Sweetie Drops/Changeling #324213452354/whatever we're calling her this week aren't official, no matter how much DHX tries to pull it off (and on that note, nice move, guys and gals!  Thumbs up!)  They're a business, MLP is a toy line first, a girl's-oriented IP first and though we're on the periphery, it will take a while just to get them to expand it into viable collectors status, c.f. Transformers: More than Meets the Cash.  Just be glad they aren't making FIM 4.5: Hey, 3.5 is back!

    4.  Yes, I'll read your story before you submit it.  If I like it/or if you ask nicely, I'll edit or go to bat with you with one of my editors (hey, these guys work on my professional stuff too, so they know their shit.)  Yes, if I really like it, I'll do artwork for your work.

    That doesn't mean that I'll have it done in five minutes.  I have a full-time job, commitments to other stuff, my side business, webcomics, a blog, two novels, websites and website commissions, fonts to design, edits to make, art to do, fix stuff around the house, and oh, somewhere in there is my four-hour commute to/from work (Ponyville is far from the Beltway) and somewhere in there I need to sleep, eat and all the other stuff that comes naturally (this includes paying attention to my wife.)  So even if I offered to do something, it still hangs at the bottom rung, because it must/it's the only place for it to be.  If you don't like that, there are others who are probably more than willing to look at your stuff (and I mean that in a nice way.)  And if you're a bitch about it, there are others who are probably more than willing to look at your stuff (and I don't mean that in a nice way.)

    5.  I should also point out that I left a few of the contentious ones out, because Ayne (my wife) doesn't like having the house firebombed. :twilightsheepish:

    *actual excuse given to me while talking to an EqD editor.

    ** Same EqD editor thought I was lying until I had him look it up.

    15 comments · 170 views
  • ...

This story is a sequel to All-American Girl

Short stories and scenes from The All-American Girl Saga.  

Please note the Random tag is meant to note that each story may have different elements, and that the three other tags are the overarching ones.  

A summary of the stories within the anthology can be found here.

First Published
15th May 2012
Last Modified
29th Aug 2014



It's well written.  I can't help getting a CB vibe.  This world/setting is like Conversion Bureau but without all the associated sturm und drang.  It's like a kinder and gentler Conversion Bureau (or, arguably, a namby-pamby sissy Conversion Bureau) setting.

I have a habit (good or bad, you decide) of sweating the details in stories like this, and I found a number of details that nag at me.  For one, I'll never accept Cadence as an alicorn.  I'm sure the Hasbro toy department phoned the producers and demanded a pink alicorn character that they could put on store shelves, but that doesn't mean I have to accept it in my fanfics.  Having her control the moon, even temporarily and with difficulty, doesn't work for me.  :rainbowwild:

Shadowbolts?  I always thought the Shadowbolts were merely an illusion that Nightmare Moon conjured up to tempt Rainbow Dash.  They weren't real ponies, and I assumed that there never was historically any such thing as Shadowbolts.  (A nocturnal stunt-flying team really doesn't seem too plausible if you think about it.)

> the moon’s just a huge rock floating out in space, whereas the sun is this huge ball of fire that has to be held together at all times

Questionable cosmology...  If the sun has to be held together with magic at all times, then what held it together before the mages of Unicornia began controlling it?  What happened when Discord was in control?

I also find it mildly surprising that Applejack or Rarity would leave their entrepreneurial career paths to take government posts -- even high ones.  But maybe the private sector just isn't valued in Equestria the way it is here.  And I guess, if your Princess calls for you, then you pretty much have to drop whatever else you were doing and take the job.


Truth be told, I didn't care for the change on Cadance, but she turned out to be well written.  In any case, believe it or not, I have her as the weakest alicorn for a reason.  As mentioned earlier, there's a huge clue in this and the 1st chapter of the main story.

For the sun, I've always concluded that it was unicorn teams that dealt with the sun before Celestia.

Regardin coomerce, it's possible.  Equestria always strikes me as a Deep England ideal.

And this series, or the main one, will never be TCB.  Might be some dark stuff in the sides stories, but there will certainly be light and love.

I dont doubt that the United States would declare war on a country if members of its military did that to an American citizen or citizens on US soil but overall good chapter cant wait for the next


They probably wouldn't, but if you look at US policy since the 50's and some of the military readiness policies, you'll find that's an actual provocation.

>>596960 are there going to anymore chapters or is it a solo story?


It's a supplemental series of side stories.  They fill in gaps to the main story, or go in directions that people thought about.  They'll pop up now and again while I'm working on the main portion of AAG.

First, eeeee, an update! Second, a bit too much fanon in here -- Lyra/Bon-Bon, Octavia/DJ-P0N3, and Shadowbolts? Three, jus soli and jus sanguinis, I knew there were Latin terms for civic-based nationhood and ethnic-based nationhood, :rainbowkiss: Four, you just keep piling on Rarity's trauma train in this story, don't you? (Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering, suffering leads me questioning Rarity's best pony status. :raritydespair: . . . Hmm, is Dark Side Rarity best Rarity? :raritystarry: ) Five, no-one ever told Rarity about the attack in 20 years, did they? :pinkiesad2: Six, Celestia scouting the Earth is pretty smart, but I can't help but imagine what will happen when she discovers Internet news sites, "Luna, the shit has hit the fan, and we're now the fourth most hated nation on Earth! Also, I can't stop texting." :trollestia:

It's nice to see more of the backstory. I can't wait for more!

EDIT: "All-American Girl" should be italicized in the description.


Lyra, given her fanon status, was logical.  I also used Apple Cobbler since the hipster glasses make her look smart.  :trollestia:

What, me pile on Rarity's trauma train?  I told everyone I had an outline....

Does Rarity know what happened to DJ?  Not a clue.  Yet.  :trixieshiftleft::trixieshiftright:

Now you've got me thinking human Celestia dancing in an iPod commercial.  :rainbowlaugh:


I was more complaining about romantic pairings. Honestly, JasonTheHuman's Anthropology is so ubiquitous with Lyra at this point that I don't think you could separate Lyra with humanity. Apple Cobbler came out of nowhere though.

That outline apparently covers events far outside the original story. The best kind of outline. :rainbowdetermined2:

Wow. :rainbowderp: That's going to be a hell of a revelation when that comes out in the main story. I just hope it doesn't end like the first chapter of the Smuggler's story in TOR: the parent on the floor, dying of disease, and cursing their child after a final reconciliation turned sour.

Well, Celestia was always the most modern sister. It frankly wouldn't surprise me if she was up to date on all the latest technology. Though perhaps I'm projecting my favorite president (Calvin Coolidge) onto her instead of analyzing her as a character, or perhaps it's a little be of both columns, she is a bit of a Silent Cel. :trollestia: (Also, she would look great in an iPod commercial.)


The Lyra/Bon-Bon pairing has been given pseudo-official status now, in the same way that the Apple parents are dead; it's been talked about off the record and just not outright stated in the show.

Complex outline is complex.  :yay:

As usual, Murphy's ruling the roost when it comes to this whole situation. :eeyup:

Truthfully?  It wouldn't surprise me if Celestia had already known about the existence of human Earth and had just kept it under wraps until it was discovered by someone else. :trollestia:

Well... crap there goes my idea for a sidestory... damn what to do now?


Actually, I wrote that there to set your side story up.  :pinkiehappy:


About Celestia going to church? Sorry I starting writing one that was the diary of the ambassador to the US and well... it won't fit anymore. When I get more time I'll reread through the chapter to get a better feel.

yay new chapter lol Kraut

1st again!


"Dad and your parents fought Uncle Sam for five years to prove it . . ."

You know, reading this, my mind immediately skipped to DJ's parents' military service, and that immediately brought up the idea that Matt and Anna's time in the armed forces involved mud wrestling a musclebound personification of America for five years straight in an epic battle that would be passed down through the ages in song and story. :pinkiecrazy:

And a tongue-in-cheek Hey Ocean shout out, nifty. :rainbowlaugh:

More seriously though, even if DJ wasn't really raped she's going to be suffering from PTSD for years to come. Yet more trauma. It's so sad. :fluttercry:

Also, what's the song that plays at the end there?


"Be Human", by Yoko Kanno and Scott Matthew from the Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex: Be Human soundtrack.   Lyrics are here.

As evidenced in the main story:

The reporter saw herself out and sighed; her parents, father-in-law and husband might have been all military, but it was DJ herself that had post-traumatic stress disorder; whatever she was about to reveal truly bothered the hell out of her.


. . . I remember that song. It was years ago, I had just finished watching 2nd GiG, and was looking for the soundtrack. That brings back memories. :pinkiesad2:

Say, I've you tried submitting this story/series to Equestria Daily yet? I bet it could make the pass in 10 seconds flat. :rainbowdetermined2:


Yup, and they shot it down in 10 seconds flat: they weren't accepting any more PoE stories.


. . . Really? There's been, what, like five posted in the site's entire history? Ponies-on-Earth stories aren't exactly common, especially compared to Human-in-Equestria stories, and they have their own section. Maybe you can try again in a month or two. That just doesn't seem right. (Not the first time I've heard complaints about them, the people on Spacebattles got half-a-dozen stories to tell on that, but it still doesn't seem right.)


Just asked for a clarification on their site.  Let's see if I actually get paid attention to.  :ajbemused:


Keep us posted. Denying an entire premise while its flip side gets readily accepted is just wrong.

I've found that submitting anything to EqD is an exercise in frustration and anger management.

Yay! More! I almost didn't notice this. I was just waiting for the original to update. This is fantastic.

I almost want to see a ton more writers build on this universe. It seems to have a lot of potential, though it's so far centered around a key character so that would limit it.

And I'm so glad Lyra hasn't shown any signs of being an insane conspiracy theorist yet. I like the way she's written here.

Almost missed these stories. Good stuff.

Another great chapter! However, as St. Louisan, I'm afraid I disagree with Lyra's driver.:ajsmug:

Memes are old-people talk? I guess that makes sense.

I can actually see myself embarassing my children in public with a loud "[child's name], Y U No do this?"

I've said my piece on SB already but since this is the second time I've read this I just gotta say again that this was pretty damn good. Really like the world building you're doing.

Wow ponies are xenophobic they need to grow up especially BonBon  


Well, in fairness, some in the Wives' Club weren't exactly sterling examples of humanity.

>>620274 yeah but what do you expect its politics and stuff never understood that really

That was really sad.

What a horrible way to wake up and realized you got it on with an alien. Time for a cold shower.


Could be worse; he could have woken up next to Screwloose. :pinkiecrazy:


And she could woken up next to Fat Bastard. There is no cold shower in existence that will clean you from him.

Interesting in how one of the big issues with DJ is that Equestrians think she might be part of the next generation of Element Bearers. I don't think that was ever mentioned to DJ outright, which means that could be a shocker to her if what I suspect happens to Rarity ends up being true.:raritydespair:


I hope you aren't talking about me.


I don't think she'd listen even if they were to tell her.


True enough, plus I don't really see DJ as embodying any of the elements as strong as the mane six do. Especially Generosity, since DJ wants nothing to do with Rarity.


Someone on another forum said that she might qualify, based on the fact that she tends to be more generous than the average American.  While that might be so, I'm going to guess that the Elements aren't basing things off of American standards.  :twilightsheepish:  So I'm in agreement that everyone is probably very mistaken about her getting any use out of any six of those gems.


I dunno, the element of Magic looks pointy and large enough that DJ could probably beat somebody to death with it. Nothing says you can't use the elements in a physical manner.


Twilight: "Here's my Element of Magic.  Use it wisely, DJ."

DJ:  "Sooooo...pointy end goes in that-a-way?"


Austin Powers reference. Nothing against you.

Once she finds out what it means to be a bearer she would probably refuse it outright. If there's a problem give me Mr. Shotty.

Oh shhhh aint good he died in a plane crash

Upon reading the first few sentences, I had to make sure I hadn't clicked on Part 1 by mistake!:derpyderp1:

As for the story, I suspected Lyra and Paul were going to get married, since this is taking place before the first chapter of AAG and in AAG I noticed that among the firsts attributed to DJ, being part of the first Pony/Human married couple was not on the list, and now that curiously absent detail makes more sense.

The hands bit also made me think of the other Lyra's reaction back over in Anthropology when she got her human hands.

But that end...damn, that's pretty hard for Lyra, but might also be pretty bad for Bon Bon since now she has to go back to the very mare she had finally learned to live without through a mental breakdown.

Agreed, poor Lyra.

Eritrea is written Eitrea in some places.

Humans have stronger emotions? That is very interesting.

Life is really jerking Lyra around.

Login or register to comment