Twilight's Final Journey

by Aurora Soul

Prologue

Twilight groaned and tried to stand. Her legs threatened to collapse beneath her as a wave of nausea hit her hard.

What happened?

Her eyes adjusted to the dim light. Another wave of nausea hit as her legs wobbled underneath her, she hit the ground with a thud. As she struck, the memory of what had happened pushed its way into her thoughts.

Wait…that’s right, the fixed spell, the large flash of light, the elements of harmony, but … what happened? What did I do?

Twilight looked around and noticed she was still in the library, the home she had known for many years. It looked as though nopony had been there in forever. A fine layer of dust had gathered over all the books, floor and furniture. The acrid smell of mold and decay hit her nose as she breathed. Somewhere, the sound of a leaky roof could be heard. Twilight, even less certain with herself than before tried to stand again. This time, her shaky legs held her up.

This…this can’t be! My friends were right here. They…they would have noticed that I was knocked out…or Celestia would have come to get me…or…or…something!

Twilight had been spinning around, then noticed her behavior and stopped, holding her head as another wave of nausea hit her. As she did so, she realized her Element of Harmony was still atop her head, undisturbed. It was a purple six-pointed star reassembling her cutie mark set in a gold crown, a remnant of the time she defeated Nightmare Moon.

While she didn’t know what exactly had happened, she was still going to figure it out. After all, she had fixed StarSwirl’s spell…hadn’t she? Maybe she got a word wrong or something. She began to panic again. If she hadn't corrected the spell, then she couldn’t even guess at what had happened. The first time, she had nearly messed up her friends’ destinies. Correcting that had been challenging enough. The hard truth was that it also meant she failed her teacher. Celestia had entrusted this task to Twilight, and Twilight had messed it up.

“No, no, no, no, no...”Twilight whined, as she began hopping up and down in frantic movements “I couldn’t have messed up, I never fail a test or an assignment.” She began to pace nervously as she tried to figure out what had happened. “The Elements are confusing pieces of magical power … they helped us defeat Nightmare Moon and Discord, they protect Equestria from anything that would destroy it ... so why would they now put me in a coma, or worse?”

She looked around and tried to find anything that would tell her what had happened, why the Elements would do something like this. The dust swirled around her hooves as she trotted around the bleak library, the only light being provided by the full moon. Twilight lit up her horn so she could see better. Nothing had leaped out at her at first glance and she sighed sadly.

Nothing is readable anymore, it’s all too damp and moldy.

She took another cursory glance around, but still couldn’t find anything worthwhile. Deciding it was better to go out and find somepony to tell her what had happened than stay here and find answers, she trotted over to the door.

She enthusiastically considered what would be on the other side of the door. Maybe she would find one of her friends, or a townspony to tell her how long she had been out, or get to Celestia and figure out what she had done wrong with that spell. Everything was going to be fine if she got to Princess Celestia.

Yes, Princess Celestia has all the answers! I’ll ask her and figure out what happened, correct it and return everything to normal.

Using her magic, Twilight opened the door to the library, only to find Ponyville in shambles.

But … but …

Ponyville looked in worse shape than since those pesky parasprites had caused so much damage. Nothing was growing except for a few tough weeds and old rotting trees. Most of the houses had been boarded up and most of the boards were just falling apart from neglect. Nopony could be seen and the dirt on the ground swirled as the wind picked up. Twilight shivered; whether it was from the eerie coldness the night had produced or the sight of the town, even she did not know.

Staring dumbfounded at the ruins of her familiar surroundings, Twilight began to run trying to find somepony that could help her. Anypony that could help her. “Help! Anypony? Hellooooo?”

Nopony came, she ran past buildings that she frequented often. The sofa and quill store that was practically caving in on itself, Sugarcube Corner which had actually lost the right part of its roof. Past houses she didn’t recognize that were in various stages of falling apart or even just nonexistent anymore, the only sign that they had stood was a few mesh wires from the frame. She knocked on some of the doors trying to get somepony to answer, but none did.

After running as far as her legs could carry her, Twilight sat down tears in her eyes as her eyes wandered the deserted town. She had been through the entirety of Ponyville, and nothing but ruins remained, her friends had all seemed to abandon her along with her teacher. Shaking her head viciously Twilight refused to believe this, there had to be a logical explanation to what was going on, there always was and she was going to find it!

Getting up she began to turn around and head back to the library

Wait, did I just see? ... nah

While it wasn’t there now, Twilight could have sworn she saw a light flicker in Town Hall. Curiosity overwhelming her along with a little bit of hope, Twilight walked up and looked at the desolate building, it actually seemed to be pretty well off considering how the other buildings looked. While the roof was starting to sag a little everything else seemed to be fine, the shutters had been closed so it was hard to see inside but Twilight could still swear she saw a light coming from somewhere deep in the walls of that place. Curious and a little elated that she might have found somepony, Twilight trotted up the front of the steps.

As soon as Twilight opened the doors a sweet fragrance assaulted her nose, like flowers and honey. Tables and chairs had been moved to create a single winding pathway toward the main room of the building, the only light in the place came from the full moon outside and a small flickering light in the main hall.

Twilight began to run through the maze of tables and chairs, encouraged that she had finally found somepony that could tell her what was going on. To get her out of this horrid nightmare she seemed to have stumbled into.

But before she could even make it halfway toward the door she was yanked up by her hind legs upside down by a rope as a small tinkling sound could be heard. “AGGHHHHHHHHHHH!”
Seeing the whole world spin upside down Twilight began to ignite her horn to teleport out of the cleverly placed trap. Before she could do anything though, a sharp prick could be felt on her flank, twisting and writhing Twilight’s horn began to fade as does her vision. “P…Please…I just…want to…find out…what…happened…” the last image she saw before she collapsed into unconsciousness was a pony shaped figure under what seemed to be a black cloak.

Author's Note:

First chapter is done, again I urge you to please place any comments in the comment section below. I really wish to make some of the best fimfictions that I can because it's just so much fun.

Comments

[StormDancer]

Interesting start. It's rarely a bad idea to put established characters outside of their expectations.

Might want to work on not repeating the same words so much, checking tenses, and going over sentences a day after writing them to pick out mistyped words though.

Just as an example...

The purple unicorn took another cursory glance around but still couldn’t find anything worthwhile (worth wild). Deciding it was better to go out and find somepony to tell her what had happened, rather than stay there and look for(find) answers, she trotted over to the door.

Also, check how you are using commas. One of the best ways to watch out for simple comma errors is to look for pairs of them. It won't fix everything, but it can help to eliminate some confusion and pacing issues.

If you can remove the words between the commas in a sentence, like these words here, there is a good chance that the comma pair is okay.
That last sentence is an example of a good comma pair.

If you aren't sure, it's not too hard to skip, to the next comma and see if it still makes sense.
That last sentence is an example of a bad comma pair.

Just an example...

Twilight, getting a little panicky tried to stand again, this time her shaky legs held her up.

Reads strangely if you remove the embedded part:

Twilight this time her shaky legs held her up.

But could be:

Twilight, getting a little panicky, tried to stand again... this time her shaky legs held her up.

But it could be improved even more by matching tenses and filling in word-gaps:

Twilight, getting a little panicky, tried to stand again - this time her shaky legs managing to hold her up.

Don't stop. Run with it. Play with it. Read stories you enjoy and pick apart how those authors get their stories across. Look for how they change words. Explore how moments of intense emotion or danger are expressed in the writing. Toss the ideas around and see how they flow between paragraphs and chapters. You'll learn more from taking apart stories you love than from brute-forcing your way through a story and then trying to find your typos (trust me on that one... it's not pretty when I have to re-read my own when I'm sure I caught all the problems).

I like the idea, just needs a bit of polish to make it shine.

[Aurora Soul]

5932765
Great^^ thank you so much for the comments and I'll be sure to employ these tactics and yea, I know about the grammer one. Not my best subject ever.
Mind if I use any of these corrections?

[StormDancer]

5932881
By all means, feel free to use any or all of them.

Just keep at it and have fun. In the end, that is what this place is all about.

[Titanium Blade]

Great start! You grabbed my attention.

[Pankrazius]

Ooookay...

This seems to be interesting.
Some grammar-issues, but Storm Dancer pointed them out I think.
But why the downvotes?

Its promising so far. So - TO THE BATCAVE... erm - tracking-shelf.

[Aurora Soul]

5958149
5958963
Thank you two so much
and yes Pankrazius I know about the grammer issues. I'm working on that in the next chapter so hopefully it's a little better.

[Titanium Blade]

5958963 I agree. This seems like an awful lot of downvotes.
vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/mlpfanart/images/0/05/Pinkie_Pie_haters_gonna_hate.gif/revision/latest?cb=20110314162136
You'll just have to cope with it, I guess. Keep it up!

[David Silver]

This…this can’t be! My friends were right here, they…the

I think a period after 'right here' would make sense.

[sevenofeleven]

Somewhere, the sound of a leaky roof could be heard.
Do leaky roofs make a sound or does water dripping through a leaky roof make a sound?

---
After running as far as her legs could carry her, Twilight sat down tears in her eyes as her eyes wandered the deserted town.

I know what you meant but it still feels like her eyes got out and wandered around the town.

Maybe this is better?
After running as far as her legs could carry her, Twilight sat down. Tears filled her eyes as she looked over the deserted town.

---
She had been through the entirety of Ponyville, and nothing but ruins remained, her friends had all seemed to abandon her along with her teacher.

This is more of a logic issue.
Celestia does not live in Ponyville, so why does Twilight think that Celestia abandoned her?

---
When you finish writing, walk away from your story for a few days.
This way your brain can forget about your story and you can see whats really there.

Reading your work aloud is a very good way to catch awkward phrasing and missing words.
Really.
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Don't worry about the downvotes, you have a nice number of upvotes.