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David Silver


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Sequels1

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This story is a sequel to A Dangerous Sparkle


Applejack has returned from her Everglow adventure with magic all her own. Magic that her little sister and friends want to investigate. What could go wrong when the Apple family falls far from the tree without Twilight to rely on?

They will have to learn to fight as a unit with magic they've only just begun to understand, but Applejack won't be pleased if she allows harm to come to the younger foals in her care. What's a mare to do when she has to foalsit in the middle of a potential battlefield?

Link to character sheets: https://drive.google.com/file/d/0BxUh1iVHP4kiUzBCTk14bVhsalU/view?usp=sharing

Chapters (60)
Comments ( 1620 )

Apples rained from the sky into her carefully arranged baskets and she smiled.

The apples fell into her "carefully-arranged" baskets.

"Still got it," she proclaimed before picking up several baskets and setting it on a faintly glowing disk.

She carefully set "them" on a "faintly-glowing" disk.

Soon they were moving as one, dressed in all dark outfits that did little to hide them in the brightly colored town of Ponyville.

Ponyville is a "brightly-colored" town.

They rushed for the tome and reached for it simultaneously only for their hooves to bounce off a suddenly visible dome

The dome is "suddenly-visible."

She shook her head, "Not as good... I've practived ah few times.

Apple Bloom has "practiced" a few times.

Apple Bloom rushed back into the tree house and grabbed the book before moving to escape, but the flames were spreading all too quickly, having already jumped over to the combustible wood of their club house.

[...]

The club house was a total loss, but the fire didn't spread to the rest of the orchard at least.

"Clubhouse" is a compound word.

5849278 All fixed, and grats on being the first comment!

5849284 Woo hoo! I was the first one! :raritystarry:

So the sequel to the previous epic finally begins, and the Cutie Mark Crusaders are the stars! Given their precociousness, one can only imagine what will happen, given the sheer number of plot-threads that those three having access to the (battle-focused) magic of Everglow will create. As it stands, I'm rather impressed with what they've accomplished already, since they seem to be studying for weeks on end over the course of this chapter - that's already more time than we've seen them dedicate to any particular endeavor, as I recall. Perhaps they really will find their cutie marks in magic?

As it stands, I was quite tickled to see them developing into a bard, a magus, and an alchemist, three classes that all have two-thirds spellcasting progression. That's perfectly appropriate, given that - as characters - they shouldn't have the potential to advance as far as Twilight, and this way also keeps them more physically-oriented than a full-progression class would be. The idea of them learning magic from nothing over the course of a few weeks seems fast to me, but given that there's no real metric for judging how long it takes to learn a new level (remember when First Edition had training times?), that's not a big deal.

One minor issue I had is that it's not clear that they ever return the spellbooks that they absconded. While they do say that they want to return Twilight's, it seems like they never do. This is kind of an issue, because any spellcasting character that uses a spellbook would absolutely be having kittens over the loss of it. If they were gone for weeks, then I'd be shocked if they didn't turn Ponyville upside down trying to get them back. I suspect that we're supposed to understand that the purloined books were returned before the end of the day, but that makes it harder to understand that they were able to take one day's worth of studying, stretch it out over several weeks somehow, and successfully gain their first levels in those classes.

Of course, it was inevitable that their antics would quickly blow up in their faces, almost literally this time. It's questionable if this will make them 'fess up, or even reconsider what they're doing now; after all, if they haven't received their cutie marks despite having been able to cast minor spells, then clearly magic isn't their special talent...so why won't they give up on it after this? I suspect that future chapters will need to do a bit of gymnastics to explain why the three of them aren't just dabbling and then moving on the way they usually do. The Crusaders don't care about power, after all - they want their marks for the sake of having their marks.

Overall though, I can't wait to see how things shape up! Here's to another hundred-plus chapter epic!

5849339 They mentioned returning Applejack's book before going off to snatch Twilight's. Apple Bloom went to grab said book when the fire started, which is how she got trapped instead of running away with the other CMCs. Apple Bloom currently has Twilight's book. Applejack's book is returned.

How will they react to this near disaster? Will cutie marks appear? Who know! I don't, that's for sure. You must have me confused with an author that actually plans things out!

Speaking of which, I admit it feels a bit gauche to hand the CMC their marks, your thoughts?

And so the saga continues... with Apple Bloom setting fire to something. I'm not in the least bit surprised. At least she didn't damage Twilight's spellbook. She's in enough trouble as it is.

So, Sweetie Bard, Maguscoot, and Apple Boom? This should be all kinds of fun. And that's not getting into the possibility of further retraining on Applejack's part. I missed your writing, so I'm definitely looking forward to seeing where you go with this.

That said, I see the typos have been spending this time to regroup:

It turns out that Twilight is a trusting soul, and very little stood in their way, except...

Tense inconsistency. Should be "turned."

the half-blind, half-pony known as Soft Mane.

Extraneous comma.

You enjoy your stallion's night out.

Multiple stallions. (Well, multiple males, anyway.) Should be "stallions'."

5849549 Thank you for the typo reports, all fixed! What think you about CMC getting marks?

5849561
The way I see it, they're going to multiclass until they find their marks. After all, that's been their standard operating procedure up until now. For the sake of sanity, they should probably earn their cutie marks sooner rather than later. Indeed, the delay could be explained by their special talents being these unknown forms of magic.

Haven't read it, but the title makes it sound like a crossover with I Wanna Be The Guy

5849765 You will be disappointed, and I am sorry for that.

5849380 I agree that it'd be weird for the Crusaders to get their marks. Giving them that would mark a radical departure from the established core of their characters - it would completely change the who they are, the way they act, and the way everypony else treats them (since they'd essentially have become young adults). In essence, it'd make them completely different characters. I'd tread very lightly where that's concerned, and not give them their marks unless it's at the conclusion of a saga that sees them going through a lot of major changes.

We're talking your gold

Taking

Twilight only has herself to blame. If you're going to make a museum display of the portal circle, fine, but don't make it actually functional. Especially not in a town with the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Major miscalculation there, Purplesmart.

Well, at least retrieving them will be relatively easy... assuming they survive. Still, Twilight's going to be furious with the Crusaders when they get back.

Also, given how cutie marks work in Everglow, I'm not sure if the Crusaders will even be able to earn theirs while they're there. That should be interesting to see.

5852548 Twilight, always thinking things through to the end! Wait...

Applejack and company have some serious disadvantages, namely not having Spike around to send letters from, or Twilight around with her magic mastery. They won't be easy to find by their Equestrian allies, and they even still have Twilight's spellbook, which is hardly a good thing for Twilight's efforts. They are likely on their own for a while. What could go wrong?!

seriously, i'd have tanned their hides long before they went and did something this stupid! what kind of responsible adult doesn't make absolutely sure they know not to fucking touch something!?!

5852883 And people mocked Applejack when she put two safety helmets on Apple Bloom.

The CMC done messed it up, but it was Twilight that left it there for them to mess up. You can't assign all the blame to them.

5852888 that's like saying that people who touch and ruin museum exhibits aren't entirely at fault because the museum people left them out with only ropes to keep people away.

5852898 Except they didn't ruin the exhibit, Applejack did. The exhibit ruined them. It's more like someone wanted a museum exhibit of a rifle and went ahead and made it fully loaded, for authenticity. Unless that thing is locked in glass or similar, that guy shares some of the blame if it goes off and hurts someone, whether or not they were standing in the wrong place at the time. A loaded gun is a bad exhibit. A finished arcane rune is a bad exhibit.

I am thinking three filly's will have a real chewing out when that little book is found with them.

ok a vary interested Harts Fire here.

5853333 I'll try to keep it interesting!

5853342
you just normally do a supper job. after all you are vary much like your oc.

5853938 My OC is me, as drawn by the talented Sita Duncan. David Pony! Otherwise known as Rough Draft.

Applejack ran her hoof through Apple Bloom's hair, "Alright, everything's gonna be alright. Now, what happened?"

Shouldn't that be "through Apple Bloom's mane"?

Apple Bloom reached into her saddlebag and drew out Twilight's book.

Wait, didn't they return that before the first chapter ended? I thought that was a salient point.

"Nope." "Nuh-uh" "Promise!" were the replies of the three, wearing innocent smiles.

There needs to be punctuation after "nuh-uh."

Scootaloo suddenly perked up, "Cutie Mark check!"

Don't capitalize "mark" there.

5854018 Fixed! Thankee. They returned Applejack's book and went for Twilight's.

5854051 So this took a very unexpected turn, with the group returning to Everglow! I'm rather shocked that I didn't see this coming, as it not only solves a lot of problems with forcing the Crusaders to keep practicing their new talents - and, for that matter, keeping the action firmly on Applejack and the fillies - but also speaks to a much more fundamental point of the story: that it's a Ponyfinder, and thus Everglow, crossover! How that particular detail escaped me, I'm not at all sure.

Given that, this seems to be a case of deja vu all over again, as Applejack and co. have immediately managed to get themselves in trouble upon arriving. Just so long as things don't go down exactly the same path as they did before (have a kindly local help out and then take them to a friendly town for a training montage), things should be very interesting to watch unfold. They seem to be quite far from any of their old haunts, so it'll be amusing to see them have to figure Everglow out almost totally from scratch.

Of course, I doubt Twilight and the others will let this stand, but as you noted earlier, there's no way to get a message to Applejack and the others, so there's almost certainly not going to be any help coming for quite some time, barring truly bizarre coincidences (which would feel somewhat trite, at least at first). That said, it's going to be quite nice to see more of the feline cultures and inhabitants of Everglow, as I've long found them to be much more interesting than many of the native tribes that have been given a place of prominence up until now. Purrsians and sun cats and other patriarchal cultures ahead!

Unlike Equestria, Everglow is a world meant for adventuring, so there's doubtlessly quite a bit of good stuff in store!

The sand displaced as Applejack rose up from the sand, shaking it free of her fur.

There are two spaces between "of" and "her."

Applejack looked immediately worried and began digging around, finding and recovering a barely conscious Scootaloo from the sand.

Scootaloo is "barely-conscious."

The Crusaders were sift to clamber up onto Applejack's back, not looking the gift in the mouth.

They were "swift" to clamber up.

Also, gifts don't have mouths. You should say "gift horse," though that'd make an awful pun.

"Ya gettin' better at this, sis!" exclaimed Apple Bloom with a huge grin.

She means "Yer" gettin' better at that.

Apple Bloom pouted a bit, though kept walking, "If'n we don't get water soon, we'll all be sleeping it off, forever like."

They'll be sleeping it off "forever-like."

What happened to your caretaker." He pointed a finger at Applejack.

His sentence should end with a question mark.

Also, do forepaws have fingers?

He trailed off, looking over the tired and weathered looking group.

The group is tired and "weathered-looking."

Scootaloo produced one, and Sweetie Belle three, "Rarity wanted me to pick up some carrots on the way home."

There are two spaces between "pick" and "up."

5854186 So far, things are off to a good start - for the readers, I mean; the characters are having a harder time of it. Thankfully, it's not impossible, but so far they're not having a free ride either (something free in a city of purrsians? Perish the thought!).

I was particularly glad that their rescuer had no particular use for them other than that of a merchant providing his services. That he was so stingy with his water was an excellent way to drive home the fact that he's from a culture with a strong mercantile bent, and everything is measured by its monetary value, rather than idealism or sentiment. While I don't expect this to be universal - certainly, the purrsian mother and kitten we met in the previous story were largely ordinary people, save for giving their rescuers a parting reward - it still helps to drive home the fact that Applejack and the Crusaders aren't going to be able to get by on the largess of others.

It seemed a little convenient how the group was able to get out of that particular ambush that they were in - they all thought to dig into the sand at the same time? And those bandits never had anyone try that before? - but the fact that Scootaloo was so badly injured helped to take some of the bite out of that. Of course, things turned right around with Sweetie Belle having a healing spell on hoof, but it was still an indicator of how much more serious things are here. One can only wonder how youthful and innocent the fillies will remain while on such a harsh world, and among the more amoral members of it, no less.

The next major question is what the plan is. I'm guessing that Applejack will want to get back to Viljatown, if for no other reason than to return to a familiar point, both for their own security and because that's where they know Twilight and company are likely to go. It's the getting there that's going to be hard, since they're starting out with almost nothing. Quite likely, that'll be a saga unto itself for quite a few chapters to come.

:pinkiegasp:
Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh
:pinkiehappy:

You just blew my mind. This is going to be epic! Thumbs up, mustaches, and all that.

A couple typos (some are disputable):

Twilight's been madder than ah beehive in ah clothes dryer about this thing.

Since "ah" is how you write "I" for AJ, this should probably just be "a"

Thank you, Sweetie Belle, for being honest. Please leave my book alone in tha future.

Your normal accent for AJ would have those words be ya, bein' and mah. Unless, of course, you are deliberately subduing AJ's accent to convey her struggle with self-control.

Look, we'll get this straightened with Twilight, then we'll see about maybe making ah new club house.

"a" again

Applejack charged in, knocking aside one of the posts and dragging it along with her as they all tumbled into Everglow

extra space

Aw yeah, this is great. Big adventure right out of the gate and a part of Everglow we haven't seen before. Also, the CMC are completely Bad###. I approve. One thing though, if Scoots was lung-shot and Sweetie just ripped the arrow out, the damage would be horrible. If Sweetie can heal that, her magic is more powerful than Pinkie's, in spite of her 7-level disadvantage. It's not story-breaking if you intend SB to be a prodigy, but it's pretty extreme.

"Sun King take them all!" cursed to leader,

the

It was only then that Scootaloo noticed something. "Hey, girls, ya both look a bit different."

I don't remember Scoots having any particular accent.

It was true, each had altered in subtle ways to match that of an Everglow pony,

the form

Applejack just need to sleep it all off.

needs

Apple Bloom pouted a bit, though kept walking,

though she

I'm Amethyst Crooked-tail, city patrol.

Tail (since it's also part of his name)

5854433 All fixed, thanks! Welcome to the story!

5854233

One can only wonder how youthful and innocent the fillies will remain while on such a harsh world, and among the more amoral members of it, no less.

If anyone can stay innocent (or at least idealistic) in this situation, it's the CMC. For all their faults, they have great strength of character.

5854506 Fixed! Thanks for the second eye over this all. I will admit that my mind kinda went with pathfinder logic, being she didn't have a lot of hitpoints and a CLW could put her upright again. Not 100% fit, but working, and didn't think too hardly about the specifics of the wounds, my bad...

5854533 I guess she got the maximum roll, eh? It's fortunate that Scoots has a high pain threshold.

5854547 The expression in my mind of Applejack when she watched Sweetie Belle casually inflict a mortal wound on Scootaloo, that kinda filled my thoughts.

5854553 It's kind of the same old question of how much pony durability is real, and how much is just comedic hyperbole. The CMC have shaken off multi-story falls and high speed impacts with no apparent injury, but it's generally supposed to be funny.

Applejack the mobile battle platform? Works for me. And dang this reminds me of how important Create Water is. As well as Endure Elements, which only AB has access to.. Ah well. Items of Endure Elements are wonderfully cheap.

Now, on to the single uniting factor all adventurers share: The Giant Rat Quest.

And I am so looking forward to the character sheets.

5854703 SECRET PRO-TIP!!!!

The old link still works, and is already updated.

Wow. Do ponies have crappy luck with poison or what?

In any case, good initiative on the part of the Crusaders, even if they weren't going to find the town without help. I do have to wonder how Apple Bloom's going to replenish her alchemical supplies, though. Especially given their nonexistent funds. Well ,they can cross that bridge when they come to it. For now, rest and recovery.

5856336 This start of Equestrian Everglow adventure is much more perilous. Twilight might have gotten her flank handed to her, but actual survival wasn't really the issue.

...and you update in the time it takes me to comment. Heh.

I suppose singing for her supper is one way for Sweetie to overcome her stage fright. And it was one heck of a performance, apparently.

I'm not a fan of flightless Scootaloo, but that's a minor complaint. Less minor is that typo:

We're all thirty.

Unless ponies age very slowly, that should be "thirsty."

5856355 Fixed! And if you don't like flightless Scootaloo, then this should be a moment for rejoicing, as she has shown she has the power, if not the skill, of flight.

As for the skill of Sweetie's performance, the female was moved to sympathy (They're not all greedy jerks, just most of them), and goaded Longwhisker into showing off. Looking poor is almost as bad as being poor! And what cat would want that?

That ties in with the other purrsian's reaction to Scootaloo's confession that she had no money on her.

Oh, good. Business-Sense is awake. It wouldn't do to have the CMC spend Sweetie's hard-earned money on an industrial hair dryer. It looks like your head canon for Scoot's flightlessness is the same as mine: she's plenty strong but there's something wrong with her magic. I wonder if she's mostly earth pony, since her endurance is incredible (she either dragged the other two all the way to the Crystal Empire, or dragged them fast enough to catch up to a train).

"Why don't y'all check if there's good t'get?"

In this context, I suspect you mean "food".

You'll be flying like Rainbow Dash in no time a'tall!

There aren't any letters missing, so you don't need an apostrophe.

5856511 Fixed! Thanks for the eyes. We'll defeat those typos yet! I admit to having a very loose headcanon, rather. My thought stopped at 'She can't fly, but she should be able to', without worrying to much about the whys. With her form and magic both reshaped to Everglow standards, whatever reason there WAS she couldn't fly doesn't apply any longer, unless she was scared of heights, which she isn't.

5856522 Are you thinking of making her fly like Twilight, where she has to tap into her magic to activate the wings for a limited time, or is she just a normal pegasus now?

5856522 Ooh, and! If they ever return to Equestria (still too soon to know if they will) would she go back to being flightless, but be able to tap into Everglow magic to fly for short periods?

5856579 You're thinking way too far ahead! I mean, is it possible, yes. Did I plan that far? Heck no! I don't do that 'planning' thing.

5856586 In the year 4045, when ponies have ascended to beings of pure energy, what form will their magic take?

I'm kidding, but I do love to extrapolate all of your ideas.

5856586 Hmm, since Scootaloo can still cloudwalk in Equestria, if she could fly long enough to get to a cloud, she could just drive it around like her scooter. That would be almost as good as normal flight.

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