Minecraft Beginnings

by The EnderPony Master

Chapter 1 - Curiosity killed the Ender... Not really. (Rewritten)

It was another normal day in Minecraft, with all the Minecrafters working, the slimes hopping, the cows mooing, and the TNT's exploding. Life in Minecraft is sure the best thing that Notch can offer, unless you are a mob. Yes, It kind of sucks to be a mob in this land wonders doesn't it? For zombies and skeletons to burn in Notch's sun while the rest of us try to hide or defend ourselves against these humans known as Minecrafters. I for one am glad to be an Enderman, teleporting out of danger and what not. I do feel kind of bad for Creepers when they explode.

My thing is to collect as much blocks I can find. Mostly, shiny things like these yellow, blue, red, and white blocks I find in mansions or castles those Minecrafters build. I know I should hate them like the other mobs do, but there's something about them I like. They don't just live and survive, they discover and create. I mean just look at what they make in their spare time.

Oh, were are my manners? My name is Shadow, and I'm an Enderman, I always wanted to have a friend or companion to hang out with on a daily basis, but for some reason, I always get ignored and/or threatened by those Minecrafters when I get near. It's a lonely life as a Mob, but everything changes one day on my usual treasure hunts when I found this castle. As my own curiosity got the best of me again, I decided to investigate.

When I walked in, I already can tell that it hasn't been used in years. Most of the walls and décor wash nothing but pieces in ruins. I guess there must have been some gang-raid or a full out mob attack. As I get in deeper in the ruins of a perfectly good castle I stumble apon a rather strange looking book on the floor. I recognized it as an Enchantment Book. I've seen them a couple of times when I teleport into a library when I'm bored. I picked it up and opened it. All I could see is some scribble in the text and a picture of a dark figure with four legs.

I wasn't sure of what It meant, but what caught my eyes was a writing that I can finally make out of. As I read the message, the book suddenly closed and started floating out of my grasp. Then, before I could teleport out of reach, something shot out off the book and landed on my chest. I try too pry it off, only for it to somehow faze into my body. Feeling even more terrified, I tried to teleport again. I then realized that I was standing over a huge hole in the ground. As I began to fall in, all I saw before I blacked out was nothing but pitch-black and purple streams of light that seems to go on forever.

Author's Note:

Hey everypony, I just want to say thanks to anypony out there for reading my story. This is my first story as a matter of fact, and I hoped you liked it. I will be sending more chapters 2-3 days each depending on my free-time at home. I can assure all you ponies fans that I will try my best. Leave a commit below about my story and fill free to give any ideas of what you think I can use. Please no trolling, come on... we're fellow members here. Anyway, tell all your friends out there about this, and see you all of my fellow Bronies and Pegisisters later.

Comments

[Imacreeper]

I like it so far its good keep up the good work my fellow brony or pegisister

[ponyheart07]

i laughed my ass off!!!

[Texus]

I think you made the first few chapters to short, i more or less learned, you should try to have 1500 words or something like that, that alone should make the story already better.
Nothing special till now, but not bad.

[Mr_Moon]

I like this, but don't you think it's a bit short?

[Malkallan]

haha! its nice to see an enderman got in equestria XP Me gusta!!!!! keep writing, it is good!

[Kaiser change name]

You had my curiosity but now you have my attention!
(I can't find out how to use the meme so pls bear with me on this)

[Warrior Kitten]

Minor errors, easily fixed.

Short chapter, not promising but can be improved on.

Moving on.

[Timeless Lord Slayer]

Ach, laddy, y' have a lot ta learn, but y' be 'eadin' in tha righ' direction. I have m' own story, tha first Displaced story I ever wrote. Tis called, You Know My Name.

[Warrior Kitten]

Re reading.

Minor grammatical errors. Easily fixed. Easy to find.

Wall of text. Needs more paragraph spacing.

Short chapter, not too much considering it's a prologue. Still, could use elaboration.
Pacing is fast, contributes to short chapter length.

This is worded like a look-back. More of a summary than a prologue.

All in all, could use editing. Could be a better chapter without altering the story at all.
More descriptive sentences, better pacing.

More of a prologue than a summary.

[Warrior Kitten]

Edit Mode

---

---

The whole chapter has inconsistent tense. This needs to be rectified.

---

Life in Minecraft is sure the best thing that Notch can offer, unless you are a mob.

The 'sure' in this sentence is unnecessary.

---

Yes, It kind of sucks to be a mob in this land of wonders doesn't it?.

The 'yes' in this sentence is unnecessary.
'of' should be between 'land' and 'wonders' - 'land of wonders'.
The 'doesn't it?' in this sentence is unnecessary.
Full stop to end sentence. - 'land of wonders.'

---

For Zombies and skeletons to burning in Notch's sun while the rest of us try to hide or defend ourselves against these humans known as 'Minecrafters'.

The 'For ' in this sentence is unnecessary.
Capital 'Z' in 'Zombies' to begin sentence.
The 'to ' in this sentence, before 'burn' is unnecessary.
Change 'burn' to 'burning'.
Change 'these' to 'the'
Surround 'Minecrafters' in air quotes. Apostrophes.

---

I, for one, am glad to be an Enderman, teleporting out of danger and what not.

This sentence may need general reconstruction.
Add apostrophe after 'I'.
Add apostrophe after 'one'.

---

My name is Shadow, and I'm an Enderman. I always wanted to have a friend or companion to hang out with on a daily basis, but for some reason, I always get ignored and/or threatened by those Minecrafters when I get near.

OPTIONAL:

My name is Shadow. I'm an Enderman

My name is Shadow, and I'm an Enderman

Change the comma after 'Enderman' to a full stop.

---

It's a lonely life as a Mob, but everything changes one day on my usual treasure hunts when I found this castle.

This sentence may need general reconstruction.

---

As My own curiosity getting the best of me again, I decided to investigate.

The 'As ' in this sentence is unnecessary.
Capitalise 'M' in 'My' to begin sentence.
Change 'got' to 'getting'.
The ' again' in this sentence is unnecessary.

---

When I walked in, I already can tell that it hadn't been used in years.

Rewrite:

I could already tell when I walked in

Change 'hasn't' to 'hadn't'.

---

Most of the walls and décor had fallen to pieces and were now in ruins.

Change 'wash nothing but' to 'had fallen to'
Add ' and were now' between 'pieces' and 'in'

---

As I wander deeper into the ruins of the perfectly good castle, I stumble apon a rather strange looking book on the floor.

Change 'get in' to 'wander'
Change 'in' to 'into'
Add comma after 'castle'
Change 'a' to 'the'

---

I've seen them a couple of times when I teleport into a library when I'm bored.

This sentence may need general reconstruction.

---

I picked the book up and opened it.

Change 'it' to 'the book'

---

All I could see is some scribbles in the text and a picture of a dark figure with four legs.

This sentence may need general reconstruction.
Change 'scribble' to 'scribbles'.
The 'in the text ' in this sentence is unnecessary.

---

I wasn't sure of what it meant, but what caught my eyes was some writing that I could finally make out of.

The 'of ' in this sentence is unnecessary.
Lowercase 'i' in 'It'
Change 'eyes' to 'eye'
Change 'a' to 'some'
Change 'can' to 'could'
The 'of' in this sentence is unnecessary.

---

Then, before I could teleport out of reach, something shot out off the book and landed on my chest.

Change 'off' to 'of'
OPTIONAL:

impacted against

attached to

landed on

---

I try too pry it off, only for it to somehow faze into my body.

Change 'too' to 'to'
OPTIONAL:

!

.

---

Feeling even more terrified, I tried to teleport again, only to realize that I was standing over a huge hole in the ground.

Change '. I then realized' to ', only to realize'

---

---

This was a daunting task. Especially considering I did it on my phone.

Bear in mind this is not 100%. I'm not an editor. There may be some mistakes I've missed.
Heck, I may have made more mistakes.

I tried to make this comment as understandable as possible.

I'm not going to edit any of the other chapters as this one was hard enough.