Be kind. For everyone you meet, life is a hard battle.
The world is a strange and wonderful place, particularly if you are a child of Ponyville. Pound and Pumpkin Cake explore their tiny corner of Equestria.
AWWWWWW! This is such a sweet and touching story! Please tell me you write children's stories for a living!
I really like this story (especially zen gummy). everything about it (especially the twins' interactions and the Cakes' thoughts) made me smile
Congratulations on writing a great story. have a yay
This was a great story.
The parts with Pound and Pumpkin were my favorite. U made their parts both cute and serious. So good job.
Not to sure how I feel about the ending. Kind of dark, but I do see what you were trying to do.
Daw the twins are so cute, it's so cute to see things from their point of view, ah kids these days.
Aw, it's true what they say, they grow up SO fast these days.
This story is one of the sweetest things I've ever read. You're really good at this.
And this story makes a glorious return!
Oh, the pain of those first intimations of mortality, of the possibility of true loss!
This was a really lovely story, all told.
I have no ability what so ever to be even remotely objective at all right now. All I know is that this story gives me the strongest positive purely emotional effect of any FiM story I have ever read, with only 2 other stories even coming close. I actually had to, despite the short chapters, take breaks while reading. Thank you.
Great to see this back.
If it helps, this story was inspired, in part, by Miyazaki's My Neighbor Totoro. Totoro putters around for awhile, not apparently going anywhere, simply introducing us to the characters and the setting. But the fear of loss, of Mom's unexplained illness, hovers over the story until Satsuki's emotional breakdown. Mom, she understands, could die.
Pumpkin is probably a little young to confront mortality. Hard to know; these little ponies grow up so fast. But it's something we all discover when we're young, ready or not.
A couple of autobiographical points, just between us ponies. My own "Rubber Pullet" was a cheap rubber mouse named Sam, who was my best pal ever in the days when I was penned in a crib. And my mortality moment came when our pet cat was run over by a car. My reaction, then, was much like Pumpkin's: I decided that I would never love anything again, the pain of loss being so great. Happily, I got over it in time, although not as quickly as Pumpkin does here.
I'm still searching for the words to express how wonderful this story was. You've a rare talent within this fandom, and perhaps beyond that as well. While this isn't a new opinion of mine, given what I've seen from Today I Will Be A Princess and this, I still wish, with all my heart, that I could point you out to aspiring authors as a shining example of how to write well, but I fear that doing so would only cause you grief from those envious of your abilities.
That aside, I can only commend you on a job done with sheer excellence, and I look forward to seeing more from you.
I'm working on Today I Will Be A Princess now. The outcome might surprise you. It surprised me.
I really liked this. Pound and Pumpkin's narrations were the right mix of cutely naive and genuinely introspective, and I also loved the peek into Pinkie's mind. The ending was a little dark, but it was still heartwarming and is pretty representative of how a little kid's mindset works.
An inspiring story. Very beautiful.
....I think you just killed a lot of people with this story.
You just weaponized cuteness!
Tank truly is the Don Quixote of tortoises, and not merely because he tilts at windmills.
So much sweet sticky syrup! You write very cleanly and smartly, and this was, of course, heartwarming and a joy to read. We are privileged that you take time to write pony stories.
Speaking as another author who has taken on the task of exploring Gummy's mind, I must say I approve of this.
*has a sudden urge to go hug his teddy bear, which has been with him since he was born*
This is the most awesome-sauce story I've read.
Please never stop writing stories.
Hehe. Slow clop.
You have the perfect writing style for something like this. It's childish, yet poetic. It stumbles and meanders, but if you watch the whole thing, it looks like dancing. (Sorry, I'm a bit of a poet myself.) I hope none of that sounds like an insult, because I loved reading every second of it. It's almost hard to read, because it sounds so little like normal speaking. But that's what it's supposed to sound like, isn't it? It's supposed to be the disjointed thought processes of the infants.
In short, fantastic. Love it, love it, love it.
Awwww! So heartwarming and so cute! I luv it!!!
This was so freaking epic.
If you're getting Spike moustaches and Dashfaces, that means it's good beyond belief.
My typical methods of judging written work seem either inappropriate or insufficient to properly analyse this. I can say that this was intriguing, heartwarming, and offered a perspective rarely seen. It's very difficult to write from the POV of infants or animals, to somehow intertwine the alien way of thinking of such beings with enough familiarity to make the reader empathise with them. You have managed to pull it off very well. I love this story.
My one quibble would be that you should somehow indicate all character's "thoughts" in a distinct style - italics are appropriate, and you seemed to be very hesitant to use them. It does hurt the immersion to have to read to the end of a sentence and then process whether it's a narrative description or an internal monologue.
You bring up a good point. The use of italics was something I debated with myself a bit while writing the story, since Pound, Pumpkin, Gummy and the Conference of Toys don't have proper speaking voices, so we must necessarily hear their thoughts.
Generally, I tried to refrain from using italics more than necessary, since I think it is usually clear that all of the perceptions and descriptions are those of the point-of-view character. I tried restricting the italic portions to those lines that were tied to a "thinking" verb, like "she wondered" or "he decided" or to places (like the last "Pound" segment) where something like an exchange of thoughts was taking place between characters.
Still, you aren't the only one that has told me that consistently using italics for thoughts would make the text clearer. It's a poor style if it annoys the reader. I'll keep this feedback in mind.
(I'm a little reluctant to go back and re-edit the story right now. I understand that the FIMFiction staff tends to frown on writers fiddling with a story, once it's published, since it might be viewed as an attempt to "game" the system by posting updates that aren't really updates. Anypony have any thoughts on this?)
Sweet Celestia, this is just so CUTE! I love how you portrayed the babies' thoughts. It just sounds so... suitable. Yes, that's the word. Two six month old babies and that way of thinking, it just seems so right.
I like how Pinkie Pie plans what ship she is going to be a part of every morning. :P
This first chapter is just so adorable! The perons (1st and I think it's 2nd or 3rd) sometimes switched, but aside from that it was so awesome. Love the interaction between Mr. and Mrs. Cake, too.
Did you paraphrase Mark Twain there? "Wheresoever she went, there was Eden."
This was wonderfully cute and heartwarming,
(just because I have nothing to say about the story)
From The Diary of Adam and Eve. Good catch.
My gosh, this story is just so precious. I had plenty of squees, and a happy sigh at the end.
D'aww, this story was so adorable! It was great seeing everything from the various Cakes' perspectives. It was a touching little story too, emphasizing the magic of... family.
awwwwwwww, he hurt himself
These chapters are great
AHHHHHH!!!!! CREEPY CHICKEN THINGIE!!!!!
This story was so adorable. I loved it so much. Five out of one party cannons
thats all i have to say
keep up the cuteness
This story reminds me very much of the chapters in "Mary Poppins" regarding the Bank's fraternal twins. It took this premise that children are very aware of their world, but added an interesting tenet. They are aware because they are newly split from the source of life, still able to hear the voice of the universe. But as they age it fades and by the time of teething, their initial selves are gone.
Only Mary Poppins remembered, and she was The Great Exception.
The world according to a pair foals. Truly astounding the mind of an infant is.
I absolutely loved the interaction Pumpkin had with Zecora. Come to think of it, Pumpkin was probably my favorite character out of this whole story since she was given such a sweet and loving personality from the start.
And the fact that she'd learned the concept of death at six months old: That's the most hardcore thing I've ever read.
Very nicely done. Loved this story.
Damn. I finally got around to reading this, and I was expecting a nice little cute story. I definitely got that, but I felt actually moved at points.
I applaud you, good sir. You have written something great from a very simple premise.
this is sooo cute! Have a heart