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The world is a strange and wonderful place, particularly if you are a child of Ponyville. Pound and Pumpkin Cake explore their tiny corner of Equestria.
I have no ability what so ever to be even remotely objective at all right now. All I know is that this story gives me the strongest positive purely emotional effect of any FiM story I have ever read, with only 2 other stories even coming close. I actually had to, despite the short chapters, take breaks while reading. Thank you.
If it helps, this story was inspired, in part, by Miyazaki's My Neighbor Totoro. Totoro putters around for awhile, not apparently going anywhere, simply introducing us to the characters and the setting. But the fear of loss, of Mom's unexplained illness, hovers over the story until Satsuki's emotional breakdown. Mom, she understands, could die.
Pumpkin is probably a little young to confront mortality. Hard to know; these little ponies grow up so fast. But it's something we all discover when we're young, ready or not.
A couple of autobiographical points, just between us ponies. My own "Rubber Pullet" was a cheap rubber mouse named Sam, who was my best pal ever in the days when I was penned in a crib. And my mortality moment came when our pet cat was run over by a car. My reaction, then, was much like Pumpkin's: I decided that I would never love anything again, the pain of loss being so great. Happily, I got over it in time, although not as quickly as Pumpkin does here.
I'm still searching for the words to express how wonderful this story was. You've a rare talent within this fandom, and perhaps beyond that as well. While this isn't a new opinion of mine, given what I've seen from Today I Will Be A Princess and this, I still wish, with all my heart, that I could point you out to aspiring authors as a shining example of how to write well, but I fear that doing so would only cause you grief from those envious of your abilities.
That aside, I can only commend you on a job done with sheer excellence, and I look forward to seeing more from you.
I really liked this. Pound and Pumpkin's narrations were the right mix of cutely naive and genuinely introspective, and I also loved the peek into Pinkie's mind. The ending was a little dark, but it was still heartwarming and is pretty representative of how a little kid's mindset works.
Good job. 
You have the perfect writing style for something like this. It's childish, yet poetic. It stumbles and meanders, but if you watch the whole thing, it looks like dancing. (Sorry, I'm a bit of a poet myself.) I hope none of that sounds like an insult, because I loved reading every second of it. It's almost hard to read, because it sounds so little like normal speaking. But that's what it's supposed to sound like, isn't it? It's supposed to be the disjointed thought processes of the infants.
In short, fantastic. Love it, love it, love it. 
My typical methods of judging written work seem either inappropriate or insufficient to properly analyse this. I can say that this was intriguing, heartwarming, and offered a perspective rarely seen. It's very difficult to write from the POV of infants or animals, to somehow intertwine the alien way of thinking of such beings with enough familiarity to make the reader empathise with them. You have managed to pull it off very well. I love this story.
My one quibble would be that you should somehow indicate all character's "thoughts" in a distinct style - italics are appropriate, and you seemed to be very hesitant to use them. It does hurt the immersion to have to read to the end of a sentence and then process whether it's a narrative description or an internal monologue.
You bring up a good point. The use of italics was something I debated with myself a bit while writing the story, since Pound, Pumpkin, Gummy and the Conference of Toys don't have proper speaking voices, so we must necessarily hear their thoughts.
Generally, I tried to refrain from using italics more than necessary, since I think it is usually clear that all of the perceptions and descriptions are those of the point-of-view character. I tried restricting the italic portions to those lines that were tied to a "thinking" verb, like "she wondered" or "he decided" or to places (like the last "Pound" segment) where something like an exchange of thoughts was taking place between characters.
Still, you aren't the only one that has told me that consistently using italics for thoughts would make the text clearer. It's a poor style if it annoys the reader. I'll keep this feedback in mind.
(I'm a little reluctant to go back and re-edit the story right now. I understand that the FIMFiction staff tends to frown on writers fiddling with a story, once it's published, since it might be viewed as an attempt to "game" the system by posting updates that aren't really updates. Anypony have any thoughts on this?)
This story reminds me very much of the chapters in "Mary Poppins" regarding the Bank's fraternal twins. It took this premise that children are very aware of their world, but added an interesting tenet. They are aware because they are newly split from the source of life, still able to hear the voice of the universe. But as they age it fades and by the time of teething, their initial selves are gone.
Only Mary Poppins remembered, and she was The Great Exception.
I absolutely loved the interaction Pumpkin had with Zecora. Come to think of it, Pumpkin was probably my favorite character out of this whole story since she was given such a sweet and loving personality from the start.
And the fact that she'd learned the concept of death at six months old: That's the most hardcore thing I've ever read.
Very nicely done. Loved this story. 
You almost made me cry from the beauty. Normally I'd give advice, but I'm afraid I'd spoil this... And I'm not sure how.
All I can do is try to use grammar to the best of my ability, in a feeble attempt to cast a pale shadow of what I felt.
GUMMY's section was amazing. The characterisation was amazing. The contrast between personalities was amazing. As I read on, every amazing thing I read strung onto the next, merging into a shining melody that wasn't made of luminosity or sound, and left me amazed.
I suppose one thing stood out. Despite their age and inexperience, POUND and PUMPKIN can still feel Celestia's presence. Here no malevolent Celestia-clones can be. Despite the fact that any canon threat could destroy this scene of innocence with their existence, Trollestia, Molestia and Tyrant Celestia can do nothing, as they are born from our Minds and have no place or power in this vision of purity.
This is where most people would say "have 20 Pinkie smiles" but I will only offer this pale shadow of letters.
(Why can't I write cool story bro and leave it?
)
I think what amazes me the most is how interesting you make everything and everypony that you write even when there aren't any conflicts. It's so often taught that conflict is the foundation of a story, that perfection is boring and the need to know how things will turn out is what keeps readers' interest, but in your stories... it's true that the conflicts, like Fletcher Veterinary's encounter with Bean Counter and Pumpkin's encounters with the fears of death and loss, are usually more interesting than their immediate surroundings, at least, but you also achieve that same level of interest and emotional investment with moments untouched by strife of any kind, such as the sight of Ponyville from Gummy's perspective, Pinkie Pie dancing her way through the kitchen in the morning, and the various festivities Marigold arranges for the Summer Sun Celebration.
I often listen to music that popular radio stations and TV channels (and by extension, large parts of the viewing public) don't even know exists. Songs not only about love or loss or cars or memories or sunrise, but about superheroes or the space race or robots or ghosts. And when people hear them and are surprised, I say "why should all music be about things everyone has actually experienced?". I get a similar sort of feeling from your stories, I think. Not the same, exactly, but similar. Everyone knows what conflict is like and that helps it reach readers... but everyone knows what joy is like, or should know, and yet it's so rare to see stories focused on that instead.
You write joy, and you make it joyous to read. And I salute you.
In the first chapter, "laying" should be "lying"; in the second chapter, "a wave a life" should be "a wave of life".
I am under the impression that merely editing, rather than adding a new chapter, does not register as an "update" at which anyone might take offense.
I love the POVs in this. Zecora's song seemed a bit like a blessing, possibly native to the Zebra people but modified to suit the circumstances.
Children hurt themselves when they're finding their legs so foals must hurt themselves when finding their wings. It's just part of growing up really. I wonder if they've thought to ask Scootaloo to look after Pound? In some ways, they compliment each other in their problems. They could learn much and, just as Scootaloo has a figure to whom she aspires in Rainbow Dash, I think she could serve the same purpose for Pound Cake.
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This is such a sweet and touching story! Please tell me you write children's stories for a living!
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