The Slash and Burn Folder

by Blind Gardener

Chapter 3 of Clean Slates: Shot in the Dark, original [Comedy] [Slice of life]

Twilight Velvet glared at her son and his gryphon friend skeptically. "Rose, you say you think you can babysit for us?"

Rose nodded eagerly "Yup, I've got younger and older siblings. How rough can it be?" Shining winced at the tempting of murphy.

The three of them were in Twilight Velvet's sitting room. Rose and Shining were heavily scuffed from their rather violent form of play, but in high spirits. Velvet knew that they were good friends, and knew that Rose needed the money. To be honest, they hadn't tried non-pony babysitters before. Maybe it would go better.

Twilight Velvet sighed "The problem is this, Rose. I'm worried. You're a good friend of my son, and if anything goes wrong on your watch it could hurt your friendship. Our daughter has special needs, are you sure you can handle her?"

Rose nodded enthusiastically enough that her wings spread from the force of her nods. "Don't you worry bout a thing Missus V."

Twilight Velvet tried to smile, and slid an envelope across the table to rose. "Right. This is your first payment, you'll be taking care of her today. Shining Armour, Nightlight, and I will be shopping."

Rose's eyes widened as she opened the envelope and began to count the bits "I think this might be too much."

"Mom, why do I have to come along" Shining whined at roughly the same time.

"Shiny, we need someone young and strong to carry. Rose, you can decide if it's too much after we get back. Twilight is a very sweet child though. Still, good luck." Twilight Velvet said, splitting her attention as she headed to the door.

Rose stared at the envelope after the parents had left. What exactly had she gotten herself into?

---

Rose headed up the stairs to get her first look at this mysterious foal. The foal in question was a unicorn, and not particularly remarkable. Purple in coloration, highlights in her hair. The foal was currently carefully nudging toy blocks together to build a structure that shared a vague similarity to Castle Canterlot. Rose would not have been able to tell what it was if it wasn't for the fact that the foal was squinting seriously out the window every couple of seconds before adjusting any particular block.

Rose rapped her claws gently on the door. "Hello, my name is Rose. I've heard you're Twilight?" She said.

"Am I?" The foal asked, turning to look at Rose, she squinted at Rose studiously. "I've never seen a pony like you before."

"That's because I'm not a pony. I'm a gryphon." Rose said cheerfully, stretching her claws forward and fluffling her wings.

"Huh" Twilight said, and turned back to the blocks.

"You building a replica of Canterlot Castle there?" Rose asked, carefully, bringing her nose closer to look at the blocks.

"Is that what it is?" Twilight asked, in an idle tone, like she wasn't actually present.

"Well I don't see what else could it be. There's not many castles in town, you know." Rose responded, curling her arms together and laying on her belly to watch the unicorn play. This wasn't that hard!

"huh" Twilight said, turning back to her blocks. Then she sneezed. The blocks went scattering all over the ground. She began to cry, a low moaning wail.

"Hey, hey, relax" Rose said, reaching forward to pat Twilight reassuringly.

Suddenly the foal burst into flames.

*Snap* Rose clacked her beak in an intense form of gryphonic profanity, and began battering her hand at the carpet to put out the fire that had transferred from the foal onto it. "Baby on fire!" She shouted, looking around the room for anything she could use.

She grabbed a pair of tongs from the fireplace, and picked up Twilight with them, then battered the burning carpet feircly with her tail, scorching the tuft. Twilight continued to wail as the flames danced brighter and brighter from her mane and tail.

Rose skittered through the halls, holding the foal. She turned on the shower, and shoved Twilight under the spray. A mist quickly sprung up to fill the room. Light shining through it refracted rainbows against the walls. Rose panted heavily, then looked into the tub.

Twilight had vanished. "What." Rose demanded. She continued to stare at the empty tub, flabberghast.

Rose heard giggling coming from the floor below. With a gryphonic shriek, Rose skittered down the stairs into the kitchen. There was Twilight, hoof in the cookie jar, doll on her back, munching away at the cookie jar.

"Hey, those aren't dinner" Rose said, pouncing for Twilight... Twilight vanished in a purple pop, leaving the doll behind. Rose held the doll confusedly, then cast it away. She began to slowly canvass the room, looking for Twilight. Behind her, forgotten, the doll began to slowly float towards the ceiling.

Rose heard creepy giggling echoing through the room, and began to slowly back up, wings mantled. She felt something brush against her wings, and whirled around aggressively, only to see that it was the doll, levitating upwards to Twilight hiding on the ceiling.

"Oh, you little brat!" Rose reached up to pluck Twilight from the ceiling. Twilight hiccuped, and suddenly the contents of the room were falling upwards, at a varying rate. First Rose hit the ceiling, then an unsecured table slammed into the ceiling next to her. Finally the cookie jar flew upwards, clonking Rose on the head. With another hiccup the cookie jar unceremoniously transformed into a potted plant.

Rose rubbed her head unhappily as Twilight walked across the floor of the kitchen out the door. At the last moment Twilight turned to raz Rose. Then gravity reasserted itself, and Rose fell again to the ground, twisting midair to land on her feet.

Twilight giggled and scampered off. "Not. Funny!" Rose shouted after her, scrabbling across the floor to dodge a falling potted plant, and to follow the foal.

---

Shining, Velvet, and Nightlight would return to the house to see an exhausted Rose, scorched and battered, laying in the corner with one eye open and widely focused on Twilight, the other eye closed. In her claws she was holding a mirror, a seltzer fire extinguisher, a rope lashed to the mantle, and a butterfly net. Twilight was following a toy train in circles around the room.

As the parents entered the room, Twilight tripped over the train, and ploughed nose first into an ottoman, catching on fire. Rose sprayed her with seltzer, putting her out. Twilight puffed out her cheeks and reversed gravity. Rose grimly held on to the rope attached to the mantlepiece.

Then Twilight noticed her parents, and skittered happily over to them, Smarty pants floating belatedly after her. "Hey! You three! You disappeared!" Twilight said, eagerly nuzzling at her mom.

Rose stood up, and carefully walked over to the four ponies. She held out a claw. NightLight put more money into it. She coughed. Nightlight put more money into it. She counted it carefully, then nodded. "Shining, you're a dear friend but please ask someone else to babysit your sister next time." She said in a dead, exhausted voice.

She walked out the door.

Author's Note:

This was originally posted as chapter 3 for Clean slates, but in the end it's not what I wanted to I'm re-writing chapter 3. Inspired by Jak-jak attacks.

Imagine this stuff being what happened to Sunset Sapphire.