Millions of years ago there was a war, a magic war. It was between the Alicorns and a race called the Draconiquui. In the end a unicorn ended all alicorn and Draconiquui life, except a selected few. For his punishment he was sealed away in a vase, hidden away never to return ...
Now a curse is brought millions of years back into the present and it is up to our heroines to face them.
From thieves:
"You're lucky I'm only here to take that there artifact and not your lives." ~Sly
To a body swapper:
"I take, reuse, and repair only to find my queen and protect her. I'm a living curse!" ~Chevalier
To an age old question:
"DR. WHO?!" ~almost everyone
In the end they all must stop a war, a mad shadow ...
... And a curse.
"When Anarchy awakens, Darkness shall rise.
When Anarchy falls, everything dies.
There shall be no hope, none shall survive.
All is lost ..." ~Menos
Special thanks to pony jack for helping me as well, go look up his stories cause they are awesome!!!
EDIT: this is gonna be a huge collective of multiple stories from stuff like ... Well it'll be spoilers. So fair warning that it might not fully join in but all the stories will be linked together for something something something Darkside.
This has some great potential, but your downfall is the fact that you never explain anything. Who are these Alicorns? Who is this foe, why are the Draconequii not dead? It's also worth noting that your descriptions set the story up to be a cliché mess.
I'm going to ask a question, is English your first language because you're making a lot of errors both in spelling and grammar. There's random capitalizations, strange ways of describing things, odd names and really a lack of any kind of background information.
There's a council meeting of Alicorns where each time one is introduced we're told the color of their coat, mane and cutie mark. My question to this is why? When you meet somebody for the first time do you immediately comment on their attire unless there's something specific or odd about it? If not then why do this here? It's a failing of a lot of MLP fanfics that there's the need to describe the color and mane of each OC. You'd be better off choosing a different way of doing this provided it's an integral part of the story. Unless we need to know this information, then there's no point in just making it a throwaway line.
Then there's a call to war and fade to black.
Yeah, not much here to go on and really not that interesting a start. If you want to grab a reader's attention you need to give them something more to hold onto.
I like how you started it. All the alicorns talking about some big threat the the dranconaqui attack and then that bit with Starswirl! I hope there's more to come!
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Hmm I see well the reason that this isn't fully explained is because I was going to note the full reason as to who they are and as to why the draconiquui aren't dead. Also I couldn't think of a better description ... I thank u for telling me this. I'll get into these faults
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I see. Well the capitalization is either them yelling or if it's Alicorn then it just auto-corrects to capital. As to the colors yes there is a significance here as we will be seeing them later, but in a different form. As to background this was to be explained later in the story as well as y this is happening. This is like jumping into it for a quick scene as it is a major event that, spoilers, nopony knows about. Also I just got back into writing after a huge writers block so it'll be sloppy. I thank you for telling me this and I'll get to fixing as much as I can, but I mighf have to leave the prologue as it is for now until later when I master the art of writing.
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Also this is the 1st chapter, give it time.
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Why thank u, I can't believe u got that that was star swirl. I feel happy to know that you like it and it makes me want to do better.