As proud as she was of her royal duties, the nights in Canterlot often left Luna bored and lonely - remembering her troubled past as Night Mare Moon made it no easier. Determined to clear her head, the Princess of the Night decides to take a night-time stroll - making new friends and discovering things about herself in the process.
The cover image is from the wonderful John Joseco, on Deviant Art. I take no credit for it.
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I was exspecting the smores to explode XD
28853 Come now, the Princess isn't THAT bad at cooking.
I enjoy this
♫♥I look forward to reading what happens next in your story♥♪
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Thank you for the comments, both of you.
If anyone reading has any feedback they'd like to post, please do so. The story is still a work in progress, and I'm willing to make changes if it means improving the story.
Hehe "The cake has been doubled!" I litterally
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Apologies for the terrible humor, but I simply had to put in a reference to that episode in Pinkie's chapter. Besides, Luna wasn't too happy about saying it either.
What I see here is a cute fic of simple fuzzy fun, and that works pretty well.
HOWEVER
I feel you could improve your story by detailing a bit more on the events. It feels like you're really rushing through things, I think you could stand to give Luna a bit more time with each pony, develop her a bit more.
Keep at it, you've got promise.
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Luckily, it's not yet complete, so I can go back and add to things if necessary. Luna is trying to rush through all of this in a single night, so it's not as if she has an infinite amount of time. It's surprisingly difficult to keep a sense of urgency, yet still make it feel like she's spending a decent amount of time with each pony.
Thanks for the comment, I'll go back and make adjustments.
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Not to worry, I likely will be going back and further revising some of the chapters. I'm pretty happy with the length of Applejack's chapter, likely won't change much there - same for Dashie's. I do think I rushed through Rarity's chapter too quickly, so there will likely be additions there.
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I had intended Pinkie's text comment to be the only real fourth-wall break, as I'm aware that repeated use of the same gag can make it rather tiring.
What was the second one you saw?
MOAR DAMIT!
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Twilight will be the very last stop for our dear Princess of the Night. Fluttershy's visit just did go up. I'm incredibly proud of how that one turned out.
There's nothing to say I can't write more, though.
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I feel I really hit my stride with that chapter. The previous chapters had explored (albeit briefly) her childhood, but I wanted one that really went into her emotions, particularly during her time as Night Mare Moon. Hopefully I hit the nail on the head with it.
For those of you wondering why I saved Twilight for last - the relationship between Twilight and Luna is much deeper than most realize. I want to really do it justice, and thought I'd save (what I hope will be) the best for last.
amazing story. i'm not one to enjoy slice of life fanfictions, but your's really did the trick. im glad i decided to sign onto EQDaily Chat when I did.
Very much enjoyed this story. The bond she felt between herself and Twilight I felt could have been explained more but other than that I can't really fault this. Hope you do more stories
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Have no fear, I plan on doing more.
The trouble with the relationship between Twilight and Luna is that it's a fascinating, yet remarkably deep bond. I still think I did a good job explaining it, but there's so much more that could have been said.
Gives me more material for another fic, at least. Thanks for the comment.
oooh... shivers... i loved this story!
Funny, seems like it was bit akward. though i lol'd at the "big and boldy text" part. XD
Before MLP:FiM I always thought a s'more was a puff of smoke.
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Based upon Luna Eclipsed, Luna seems a bit more socially awkward than she would like. Might as well try to make some friends to fix that, eh?
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Apple Bloom is not pleased.
Awww the was so cute and well written to very good
Yep this is our Dashie alright XD
Good old Pinky breaking the 4th wall at any moment XD. But man I really love this story.
this one is special to my heart.
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I think he's talking about when Pinkie Says "nevermind" after the princess asks what text she's talking about.
It is a little strange just because it implies that Pinkie trying to keep her knowledge of the 4th wall a secret- which is not something we pick up on in the show.
I think it would work better if it was Luna saying "nevermind" giving up on trying to make sense Pinkie's randomness.
If it's not completely disrespectful to do. I just think it would be totally awesome if it was something like this:
"WHAT TEXT"
"Er... Nevermind." Pinkie said uneasily, realizing how close she was to revealing the secret that mysterious red headed alicorn had told her. She was extra careful never to tell anypony secrets. Since loosing a friends trust was the fastest way to loose a friend "FOREVER!"
"Huh?" Luna questioned again, "what forever? Oh, nevermind..." Luna gave up on trying to understand Pinkie.
Anyway- loving this so far. The fourth wall reference is tight- as is the story in total.
A very fine fic indeed. I thoroughly enjoy the well written Lunafics that have her coming out of her shell and making friends, and this was one of the better ones. Keep up the good writing.
"it was not uncommon for the young Princess to be heard reading aloud to her own fictitious friends."
Sounds a lot like me.
Your story's ability to relay Luna's struggle with herself was really well done. Good job.
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And here I thought I overdid that and made her far too sappy.
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I'd say almost to the point of too sappy but ok considering where in the timeline this is taking place. It works for me because I can see her accepting her "sappy"-ness after her encounter with Fluttershy.
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Keep in mind, this was also the first fic I had ever written. If you were to compare the Luna in this fic with the Luna in Hiatus, I'd say the Luna in Hiatus is better written. Just took me a bit to find something I was comfortable with.
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I did not know this was your first fic. I'm impressed. I'd imagine you'll only get better. I agree; I do like Luna's character in Hiatus more. Who doesn't love a good snowball fight!
PS. You're the first author I've added to my watch list (finally figured out where the button was, lol). I've got my eye on you now. {dun dun dunnnn}
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Appreciate it.
OH DEAR GOD THE FOURTH WALL HAS BEEN BREACHED
Loved that 4th wall scene. But aside from that, this was simple, but thoroughly enjoyable.
Good job. =3
By Celestia's Beard! This is a wonderful chapter. Especially Pinkie and her 4th wall antics.
great story, man
Luna is my favorite character afterall. she's alot like me.
Oho, is that cloak a nod to the pink makeover Rarity gave Luna, that was cut from Luna Eclipsed?
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Not exactly. Just seemed like a color Fluttershy would like.
Man, my writing was so terrible back then.
217294 Bah, and here I was giving myself Hipster Scootaloo points and everything.
wait until Luna trys some fo Pinkies food
oh god, Luna's going to pinkies
You had me until this chapter. For me the story kind of grinds to a halt. Twilight's relationship with Luna feels pretty forced. Luna proclaiming twilight as her best friend when they barely know each other was odd. I don't know why, but Twilight lecturing an very suddenly wimpy Luna about how she is forgiven seemed incredibly presumptuous. Overall the connection between Luna and Twilight just seems artificial. I'm feeling no real chemistry between them. Yes, it works for simple friendships. Not sure if this is just how I see it. Up to this point, I have been loving this story. I really liked the interactions between Luna and the rest of the Elements of Harmony.
Over all, this is a good story. I definitely think Luna would have a few shades of her past following her and that she would have to overcome them at some point. From what you said above, I must say for a first fic, this was a very good effort.
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Oh, I'm well aware of it. A lot of the dialogue and such seems cringe-worthy to me, now that I look back on it.
302989 But as I learned since posting then, this was your first fic. In retrospect it's pretty good all things considering.
We don't see enough of the Royal Canterlot Voice.