- Member Since 14th Mar, 2013
- offline last seen April 19th
P-Berry
Life is what you make of it. Enjoy it as long as you can, for you never know when it could be over.
P-Berry
Joined 14th Mar, 2013 ·
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For a while there I thought there was gonna be no dialogue and it was just gonna be a bunch of Vinyl. :P Which...I'm pleased to say it's not! Good!
Though...there could've been a LITTLE less character monologue/thought/thingy. You laid it on there thick.
ONE thing I think that would make this even better would be showing how hard it is for a deaf person/pony to talk to someone. I get she can read lips pretty good, but man...you know she'd get that wrong sometimes. a lot.
Seeing that happen where you as an author give us a sentence that let's say, Octavia says, then Vinyl replies and.....here.
"Do you like big healthy dicks?" Octavia asked.
Vinyl gasped with a blush. "W-...well...I actually like mares..."
Octavia blinked, then rolled over a piece of paper and wrote; "Do you like Big Hero Six...?"
Facehoof.
THAT would be great to see every now and then. Kinda like calling her Octopus. lol. That got me to giggle, despite how dumb it was. :P
I'll read a sequel ^^
5748311 Yeah, I'll admit that initially the idea behind that whole thing was to write a two pages-long monologue about Vinyl just chilling on her window sill, but since that turned out to be a little too dry, I added the part with Octavia afterwards, which I suppose explains the lack of creativity in the following dialogue.
And yeah, the issues coming along with a longer conversation between the two (that short one actually gave me a good laugh ^^) would probably make for another chapter -something a little less sentimental and more focused on comedy- which I might actually write one day, but I won't make any promises I can't keep.
Regardless, thanks for the short review, and I'm glad you liked it!
You should write a multi-chapter Sequel to this
5881198
Not gonna lie, I'd love to write a sequel, but since this whole thing was supposed to be a one-shot from the beginning, it now is kinda hard for me to come up with additional content.
I may get myself to write a second chapter one day, but I can't promise anything at the moment.
Sorry to disappoint you :/
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