Female, 27, currently residing in Texas,USA. Always looking for friends so feel free to message me. I go by the same username just about everywhere so.....yeah.
Most other ponies know upon getting their cutie mark exactly what it means, and how to start on their path to their destiny. That hasn't been so for Allegora Prima,aka "Alla" Prima daughter of a museum curator, and confused as to what her mark meant when she got it, has had the her destiny decided for her. She has grown tired of trying to please everyone except herself and sets out on a journey to discover what her true talent is.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I liked it. The pace is nice, not too fast nor too slow. You describe the surroundings very well without describing too much unnecessary things. I like how the main character is timid, but still tries to ask her father to do something she wouldn't be allowed to do anyways.
Just a little nitpicking about punctuation.
Between 'purpose' and 'your', shouldn't there be an 'of'?
The position of the '.' is wrong
...you loved most. Or was it only...
An ellipsis consists of 3 dots, not more, not less. (When you end a sentence then you can use a fourth dot to mark the end of the sentence, which you did in that sentence. But there are other parts where you use it wrongly)
The quotation marks are wrong. ==> now, ”Th-that is…in my few moments before bed each night I have been trying to-“
)
Also, I think it would be better if you'd use a longer dash instead of the short "-" you use (I forgot the name at the moment
should be
”A wonderful night, is it not?”
Mind my grammar though, I'm not a native speaker, but I try the best I can.
Anyways, I see potential. So keep on writing
.
5674160 Thank you for the nitpicks! All of the nitpicks! I changed most of them save for the longer dash since she's supposed to have gotten cut off before she can even take a breath for the next word. I dunno, it could go either way really. Gotta say I'm super embarrassed to have missed little things like the missing word and putting a period instead of a comma.
5676399 Nah, punctuation errors aren't that bad. I mean, it is nearly impossible to write a chapter without a few mistakes.
Anyways, I'm curious on what will happen next, so keep on writing