Chronicles of Celestia
500 years ago...
They say that every invasion was preceded by a comet. A glowing ball of dust, enshrined as a memento of death. This time was no different. The griffon horde swept through the outskirts of Equestria without warning, slaughtering all who opposed them. They struck during the night, brutally and mercilessly. It took almost until morning for the news to reach the capital, simply because nopony could escape the savage onslaught of the bloodthirsty griffons. Of course, by then, one could tell simply by looking up.
Entire towns were reduced to rubble, and forests burnt to cinders. The dense smoke rose above the horde, coloring the sky with crimson streaks, as though the griffon emperor had torn open the very sky above them, and heaven itself was bleeding.
Moments after learning about the oncoming invasion, Princess Celestia held an emergency war conference with the mightiest generals of Equestria. The meeting itself was kept highly secret, but rumors spread quickly. It seemed that the entire contents of the meeting consisted of Celestia telling everyone to stay out of the way.
She teleported to the front lines soon after, holding a small white flag...
The great monarch of Equestria was led through the doorway in chains. Thick, iron hoofcuffs were shackled to her ankles, clinking and clanking as she was escorted into the negotiation room by an entire platoon of elite imperial guards.
The room itself was a work of art, built around a small ornate table sitting next to a wall made of glass. The steps up to the table looked like wavy, concentric rings, covered in gold that was woven between strips of sapphire. The walls seemed to be made of steps as well, slowly branching outward from the table until they came back in to meet at the entryway, like a large sphere that had one side cut off and replaced by a window.
Celestia was led to the table, and her hoofcuffs were carefully removed while 25 poisoned blades carved out of pure diamond were leveled at her. Once released, she waited for her captors to move away before gracefully taking her seat at one end of the table.
A call was made in a strange foreign language, and the soldiers in the room retreated to the walls. The terrible visage of a massive griffon stood in the doorway, framed by his imperial armor. Head held high, the griffon emperor slowly walked towards the table, and sat down opposite Celestia.
“Greetings, my four-legged companion,” said the emperor.
Celestia did not respond.
“I know you like tea, so I had my servants prepare a pot just for us. Jasmine, with a touch of sugar.”
She simply stared at him for a few moments, as though sizing him up, before nodding her head. “Thank you, Emperor.”
The Emperor leaned back as Celestia poured herself a cup of tea. “I apologize for the rather extreme measures we had to take, but, well, I’m sure you understand.”
Celestia softly blew on her cup of tea, and sipped it. “Oh, it’s no trouble at all, really.”
The emperor clapped his talons together. “Excellent! Well, let’s get down to business, shall we?” He motioned towards one of his underlings, who carefully handed him a stack of papers.
The princess continued sipping her tea, watching silently.
"I had my diplomats prepare an initial document for you to peruse, but I am a merciful leader. I am still willing to negotiate the specific terms of Equestria's surrender—"
"Oh no, we're not here to talk about that," interrupted Celestia, carefully pouring herself another cup of tea with her hooves.
The leader of the griffons paused. "Oh? Then what, exactly, are we here to discuss?" he inquired, folding his talons together.
"We're here," said Celestia, setting the teapot down, "to talk about your unconditional surrender to Equestria, and the immediate and permanent demilitarization of your nation."
The emperor burst into laughter. "An amusing joke, Celestia, but these are serious matters."
"It's not a joke," continued Celestia. "I, Princess Celestia, commander of the Equestrian military, am hereby demanding that your country lay down its arms and surrender itself immediately and unconditionally."
The emperor rolled his eyes. "Oh, really now? And what does the Griffon Empire have to fear from Equestria's feeble military? We are a proud race of warriors, a military force powerful enough to wipe your pitiful existence off the face of the planet! Why would we ever surrender to the likes of you?!"
"Oh, it's quite simple, really," explained Celestia, "either you surrender to me, or I'll kill you. Then I'll kill your guards. I'll kill every last griffon in this palace until you birdbrains get it through your thick, pathetic skulls that Equestria will not be trifled with, under any circumstances, ever."
His mouth agape in confusion, the emperor stared at the delusional alicorn in front of him. "You can't be serious," the Emperor exclaimed, "Your wings are bound, you wear an inhibitor ring, and there's an anti-magic field around this palace that extends for five miles. What are you going to do, kill me with your tiara?"
"Tea cup, actually," said Celestia, calmly sipping the last drops of her beverage.
The Emperor looked at her incredulously. "What did you say to me?!"
Princess Celestia gently placed her now empty tea cup face down on the tablecloth in front of her, and looked straight into the Emperor's eyes. "I said, I'll kill you with my tea cup."
The griffon emperor snorted and held his face in his talons. "Oh, for crying out loud, this would be easier if I just killed you instead."
Celestia smiled. "Oh, you're welcome to try. I'm sure if you presented my dead body to my nation, they would immediately surrender to your unstoppable might."
Raising an eyebrow, the emperor wrapped one of his talons around his sword. "Really? That's... interesting."
"Of course, you're too woefully incompetent to ever manage it."
A flash of anger leapt across the emperor's eyes, and his grip tightened. With a sudden roar, he leapt up into the air, drawing his sword. In a fraction of a second, the emperor's wings were fully extended, and he lunged at the Equestrian Princess with blinding speed. One could barely process the glint of metal as he sailed over the tabletop with deadly accuracy, his sword aimed directly for her heart.
To Celestia, he might as well have been moving in slow motion.
The Princess smashed her teacup into three jagged pieces with a hoof, and in the blink of an eye, had picked up a shard and thrown it directly at the emperor's chest. The sharp chunk of marble embedded itself in his armor with a quiet thunk as Celestia rose upwards, bringing a gold-adorned hoof towards the emperor's chest in an impossibly fast punch.
The roar of the emperor was cut short with a quiet "Oof." Celestia's hoof had smashed into his chest with enough force to dent the armor, and had driven the small, jagged spike straight through his heart and nearly out the other side.
For a moment, all was still. Princess Celestia was frozen, standing on her hind legs with one hoof extended upwards, effortlessly suspending the emperor's entire armored body above her. His sword clattered to the floor below, and his body slowly slid off the golden hoof, smashing half the silverware on the table. The griffon gave a few last disbelieving sputters before his eyes finally glazed over.
A single imperial guard managed to gather enough of his wits to charge at Celestia, swinging a razor sharp blade at her throat. The alicorn spun around and delivered a buck to the guard's stomach powerful enough to send him flying all the way to the other side of the room before smashing into the arc above the doorway. He was dead before he hit the ground.
The assembled guards stared at the white pony in front of them, holding their weapons with trembling talons. The white monarch calmly sat back down, and her horn glowed. The inhibitor ring melted into molten slag that flowed harmlessly down Celestia's cheeks. There was a quiet whine in the air that grew louder and louder before suddenly ceasing, and the entire anti-magic field around the capital of Gryphonia simply winked out of existence. The bindings around her wings were vaporized so quickly they didn't have time to catch fire.
Princess Celestia picked up the teapot with her magic and calmly poured herself another cup. "I do love tea," she said to the army of guards assembled in front of her.
A short while later, Princess Celestia strode out of the Emperor's castle, stopping just short of the grand staircase. Floating beside her in a golden light was an official diplomatic treaty declaring Gryphonia's unconditional surrender to Equestria and the griffon emperor's dead body. With a flick of her magic, she sent the corpse tumbling down the stairs to the crowd below, and a hush fell across the city.
Slowly, one by one, the griffons bowed to the alicorn princess, until there wasn't a single griffon in the entire city standing upright. Celestia stood tall, her once graceful form now an intimidating visage.
A ghost of a smile crept along her lips.
"You keep what you kill."
A prereader thought this story was quite... riddickulous.
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That was pretty awesome.
-1 for her not killing the second Griffon with one of these:
upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/6/6d/Corned_beef-can_opener.jpg/150px-Corned_beef-can_opener.jpg
Otherwise awesome. New headcanon accepted. Liked and upvoted.
The mistake they made was not making the palace the ultimate booby trap with the griffon king not there. You only get once chance. Got to make it a good one.
I fail to understand just how she was able to use magic when an anti-magic field prevented any usage of magic in the first place
5810174 For the same reason that $14.99 surge suppressor fails when a 50,000 volt lightning bolt hits your house and melts half of the wiring.
Yawn. Another one where the griffons are savages and the Equestrians are perfect and Princess invincible.
How original.
5810174
It's not like Celestia would just sit there and let them experiment on exactly how strong the field needs to be to remove her magic. As such they made an assumption, and that assumption underestimated her maximum power quite a bit.
I'm not sure what they were expecting. Really, they should be grateful that Celestia attended to this personally, rather than just delivering her ultimatum via column of sunfire. Still, that would've been a needless slaughter of relative innocents.
Damn Celestia, you scary!
! EPIC !
Killed with a tea cup? Princess Vin diesel !
5810174
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5810191
That's why you don't use a suppression device against powerful magic users(from RPG experience). A powerful enough caster can overwhelm them, like melting a resister on a circuit.
Always use a fullon nullification device. Like a Ring/Amulet of Null or have along some being who is the equivalent of say The Sisters of Silence from W40k. Magic power doesn't matter if they can't access it to begin with. Bonus against ponies because even their physical abilities draw from their magic.
...
Hmm.... Maybe, I've spent too much time thinking about how to takedown the princesses.
Reads author's note
It may be a bit strange, but it was still quite a fun read. I personally found the Emperor's arrogance infuryating.
Eeyup, I thought I knew where this title came from. Riddick ftw.
inb4 people go on about some negative comment on what Celestia did here. Sure she killed the emperor and sure she killed the guard. But there was a lot of restraint in what she did. The emperor ordered the attack that made a blood bath of her subjects, and he was probably contemplating killing her before she was even in the room. She gave him a chance to end things there and then, but he chose not to. Instead he attacked and Celestia responded accordingly, same with the guard who tried to attack her afterwords.
She didn't have to stop there, hell she didn't have to be diplomatic at all, she chose a way that would have the maximum effect with the minimal amount of bloodshed.
Thank you, sir, for this gloriously blatant Riddick ripoff. I needed a good laugh this fine April 1st.
He's also very dead
I don't know why but I enjoyed this. Badass Celestia is badass.
Eh, I appreciate what it was trying to do, but it seemed rushed and devoid of any real emotional impact.
Holy... well Celestia. I'd hate to have to deal with a pissed off Celestia.
Er...okay?
So Celestia is an unstoppable juggernaut. Faster, stronger, more powerful, just all around better than any griffon. Makes you wonder why she even deigns to interact with puny mortals such as these.
5810346
That or a disruptor, designed not to interfere with magic but with magic users -perhaps at a biological level- rendering them incapacitated or unable to perform magic.
Might be easily countered but deadly if used with the element of surprise.
This story is fucking awesome!
Holy shit this was so action packed I don't even fucking know, this was described so well, so well timed, holy shit this is AWESOME!
11/10 great job!
I'm also calling it, if it doesn't get featured I'll cry.
read that whole thing with Vin Diesel being Celestia's voice and couldn't stop laughing
xD Haven't read it yet but from the description and title I imagined this is my head... Celestia raises her tea cup over Griffon Emperor's head and yells. "I'll kill you with my tea cup motherbucker!!!"
5810107 You got to it first... Aw well XD
5810146 Agreed, those things are deadly. I just cut off both ends with a can opener. In the hooves of Celestia that 'key' would be a deadly weapon.
Words fail to convey how much I wish to make love to this story and its author.
riddickulous
...
...
... I KNEW THERE WAS A RIDDICK REFERENCE!
Xd
Nice job, btw.
5810896 Sextastic?
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5810227
Seether, that's absolutely unnecessary, rude, and dismissive. Originality, for one, should not be an expectation, and 'lack of' should not be points off from someone's work or cause for spitting on it. They don't control what other people write, and are not to blame for writing what they want to even if someone's used the idea before. If you want to get technical, the moment an idea's been used once, then regardless of modifications the idea is no longer original. None of us are original, almost no one on this site writes or reads anything 'new'.
If you didn't like it, you could have simply given a proper critique, just said it's not your cup of tea, or not said anything at all rather than something fairly derogatory and flippant. You know better.
5810896
I agree, and damn is she powerful.
5810907 Very
I've only read the title so far, and now I'm going to have to read all of Celestia's lines in Vin Diesel's voice.
5810934
This is the proper way to read this story
Totally saw that riddick reference as soon I read the title XD. And I fucking love it XD
That was so fucking stupid
5810940
and now I want to re-watch the Riddick movies...
5810908
perfect response
5810959
You act like you didn't love it.
5810910 "cup of tea"
huehuehuehuehuehuehue
I find it strange how people often write about griffon invasion when their species can never be numerous enough to do invasion. Their living habitat (mountains) doesn't alow great population.
5810920
Celestia or the writer?
Good job! The story is highly enjoyable and quite funny!
5810227
You are right. They wouldn't be able to get enough griffons to do invasion. Griffons aren't too numerous and they live in clans. There isn't united griffon country.
A slightly silly badass Celestia fic, but thoroughly enjoyable. Nice work.
5811012
This is marked as alternate universe for that reason, as it isn't intended to be canon compatible.
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5810227
Yeah besides, there is no evidence in the belief that the princesses couldn't be badass. We just haven't seen it in the show. Plus it's kinda fun to watch Celly kick plot like this and it kinda has a pretty good Ridick reference. Also, IT'S APRIL FOOL'S DAY, so we're kinda expecting some over the top randomness.
5810346
An Eversor/a simple Blank would also be a good choice too, if we allready are speaking W40k.
*nerd-nerd^^*
Celestia is now Riddick. Headcannon accepted.
*applaudes*
Just nitpicking, but since Griffionia is an Empire, ruled by an Emperor, wouldn't his guards be Imperial Guards? Just saying...
Other than that, excellent story, and well executed.