- Member Since 22nd Feb, 2015
- offline last seen Jun 28th, 2015
Twilight Sparkle is 20
I hate unfinished stories
Twilight Sparkle is 20
Joined 22nd Feb, 2015 ·
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- OtakuBrony47 · 12k words · 38 29 · 1.1k views
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TWO LIKES AND TWO DISLIKES
I DON'T KNOW IF THIS IS GOOD OR BAD
AHHHHHHH
Its good but going a little too fast
The short description talks about this story. The long description tells me nothing about the story, and it only serves to disturb me.
i am intrigued good sir
Good story.
I like it.
this seems to be a great setup for a grand adventure ^_^
I'm liking it so far, though the part where Zach is talking to the angel seems a bit rushed but that could just be me.
You might want to change the Tags though, add the relevant ones in as the story progresses. Right now it looks like you should have the Sad, Human, and Tragedy tags at least (Maybe not Tragedy, I'm not 100% sure what would warrant that Tag since, to me, it seems almost identical to the Sad tag just more... death related?). I'm not sure what you're Crossing Over with and Celestia hasn't made an appearance yet.
5665944
Tragedies are stories that have a bad/sad ending. Sad just means that somewhere in the story is a sad time.
I like how you made a human an angelic being. With the shortest exposition on how they know of humans and it make more sense than so elaborated tale, and you did it in one paragraph. : /
5664829
In this story/chapter i would agree with you, but some times it just makes the reading so much more enjoyable when the writer gives some well chosen music to listen to while reading.
But here, i didn't even bother to open the link.
Pleas say i din't read this as the first thing we see from this Character... PLEAS NO!
A Character that is introduced this way just ask to be killed away.
He has just given up, such a Character is boring. Bringing him back to actually want some thing or working hard for some thing will be hard.
really don't needed. making a secret for a while out of the reason or the meaning of his travel for him would be interesting. but he even gets damn instructions.
He just killed himself, and now he should pull some one else out of the pit he couldn't escape himself? Well there gos the fun moment of suprise for him not knowing that equines rule the new world.
Seriously don't give your Character everything just in the hand. let him find it, or search for it, but just not drop it of and even say him it is special. let him work for some thing, such things make good Characters. He just turned an 180 on his personality from the "i wan't to die" emo to the "i want to be the hero and i'm just so awesome" guy that had a fulfilling live and that wants nothing else more than to help others just for doing good. Remember he just was so down mere moments ago to kill himself.
He won't make it far if everything is just given to him on a silver plate. maybe a Stue can do it, but not a Character that can be enjoyed to read over longer time.
I go with you, it would be better if he had started with the emo kid and as he killed himself changes POV to Twiligt, but then finishing with Twilights POV chapter. So we would see what actions brought him here and would meet the other main Character of the story.
OK so far nice idea, needs a lot of work, but can become good. And yes, WAY TO FAST! Slow down. A tip from some on that teched me a good deal of writhing. As an author you want to create an movie in the head of you readers, so describe as many things as you can so they can see the scene you se in your head as good as possible.
5670297
This was more meant for what content you write ^^. As for the spelling, let's just say English is not my first language and even in my first language my editor wants to strangle me every time he needs to proof read something ^^. And this even if I started to slowly improve XD. I don't know how, but i think this
yea.... not gonna lie her..... this is just stupid I don't know why i didn't see it before XD. But if it make you laugh, I did my good deed for the day, and it was worth all the shame it put on me ;P.
5670373
And sometimes it feels as if auto correct just want to play dirty. ^^
And did someone else think this blade is just a bleach rip of?
cool chapter, post next one soon!
*In My Brain*
"Would You Kindly?" Whispered ???
Brain: The Fuck?
Question: Update?
Hi and when are you going to continue this story because I really love it and plzzz continue with the story plzzz