The Snuggle Conspiracy (DJ-PON3)
You buck open the doors to the cavernous throne room as soon as day court begins. “STOP RIGHT THERE,” you cry, pointing a hoof toward the clump of ponies next to Celestia and Luna.
Luna regards you with interest and some pride, but Celestia is much less pleased by the interruption. She stood up, as if preparing for a battle. “What are you…Guards!”
Immediately, four guards dash toward you. You freeze, frantically flipping your head in every direction in an attempt to find a corridor of escape.
Thankfully, Luna has your back. “Stand down!”
The guards freeze, not sure if Celestia’s orders or Luna’s orders take higher precedence. Eventually, Celestia’s uncompromising gaze causes them to continue their charge, but they halt again as a small group of night guards take up protective positions around you.
You don’t miss a beat. “I have evidence that a member of this very court has committed crimes against the state!”
The dynamic situation in the room suddenly falls into a deep freeze, as the ponies in the throne room processed the information and wondered how the whole situation would proceed.
Luna broke the silence. “Let my inquisitor speak,” she coolly projected. “I would very much like to hear what he has to say.”
Marching straight to the middle of the room, you briefly bow to the Princesses. “Your highnesses,” you begin, “an agent of the conspiracy that has fermented discontent amongst food growers and processors has been captured in Ponyville. Under examination, he revealed the name of the pony who hired him to both sow disarray and disrupt my progress. This individual was hoping to use the violence and unrest in order to push for subsidies on the two industries, which would benefit his investments in both sectors. This pony is none other than the government’s treasurer… Quantitative Easing!”
Gasps echo from around the room. The accused stands and bangs his hooves on the railing in front of him. “Preposterous! This is scandalous and absurd, there is no proof!”
“Yes, absurd. The confession from your henchpony, the documents from you he provided to the investigation, your statements during recent court debates…all absurd. I suppose that if we were to find irregularities in the government’s accounting, they would simply be absurd as well, no?”
Quantitative Easing stands there, sputtering.
An impassioned voice speaks out. “Quantitative Easing,” Celestia said as all eyes turned to her, “I was told that everything you were doing was to protect Equestria, and that nopony would ever see a cake again if we were to do anything else. It seems now that you were only padding your own pockets.”
“Princess, I-“
“Enough! You are under arrest for misuse of public funds, conspiracy to undermine the tetrarchy, and arson! Guards!”
Equestria’s finest were soon roughly escorting Equestria’s ex-treasurer out of the room.
“Court is adjourned,” Celestia announces. “An emergency session will be held this afternoon.”
The room erupts in chatter and gossip as ponies leave their places, some to exit and others to discuss the latest occurrence.
You trotted up to the Princesses. Luna hugs you violently. “Our servant hath rid the realm of that vile usurer! Verily, thou art the finest inquisitor we hath ever had!”
You pat Luna in an attempt to get her to let you go, which she does.
Princess Celestia turns to you both, a pained expression on her face. “I am so very sorry for how I acted. I let my love of…certain goods cloud my judgment, and ended up giving far too much power to a corrupt pony. If that were not enough, I stood in opposition to both of you. I truly and deeply apologize for my actions.”
“It’s okay, Princess,” you respond. “I think I would have done the same. Now it’s time to focus on calming the tension and rebuilding the nation.”
Seeing her still despondent, you wrap her in a hug, which she returns, wings and all. Still hugging you, she shyly asks, “Inquisitor, how adverse would you be to becoming Equestria’s new treasurer?”
Princess Luna sees fit to answer for you. “Vile wench, do not tempt our subordinate with siren offers! He is ours!”
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
The next day finds you safely at home in Ponyville, the damage to your home already mostly repaired. It being a Friday, you decide that it is high time to apologize to a very dear friend of yours.
“…And so I’m sorry. I ended up getting so caught up in cuddling with other ponies, then adventure, then ridding Equestria of corrupt and dangerous officials, that I forgot the reason that I started all this in the first place: to help you!”
The great DJ-P0N3 smiles at you, removing her sunglasses, and snuggles up to you on the couch. “Thanks so much,” she says, nuzzling your neck. “I didn’t want to be a bother and so I didn’t bring it up…But I’m really glad that I have somepony to hold and share my feelings with. It was a rough show tonight, and I’m just looking forward to a little peace and quiet.”
A blue explosion rocks the room, startling both you and your guest. Suddenly, Princess Luna is standing on your coffee table.
“Inquisitor!” she cries, “Thine Princess stands before you in dire need of platonic affection, and…” Luna stops talking, turning her frame toward DJ-P0N3. “And who art thou!? A wicked assassin, come to destroy our beloved and effective mid-level bureaucratic official!?”
“No, Luna,” you groan, “this is my guest, DJ-P0N3, who is currently taking up all of my ‘platonic affection’. I’m afraid that we will have to find another time, and…wait, did you say mid-level!?”
Luna, for her part, did not remove her gaze from DJ-P0N3 the entire time you were speaking. To DJ-P0N3’s credit, she didn’t whither under Luna’s gaze.
Luna delivered a brief but stern warning to your guest with her eyes narrowed. “We art watching thou, wench.” She turns to you and begins to pout. “But dear friend, we are most bored and are feeling like we needeth to hold somepony!”
“Luna, I promise I’ll come to Canterlot tomorrow, okay?”
She holds her muzzle high. “Fine,” she continues to pout, “but thine Princess is not joyous! We shall have much to discuss about the ball, and about thine new quest.” Luna’s horn begins to glow blue.
“Luna, wait, what do you mean new-“ It was too late, and Luna had teleported out of your home.
DJ-P0N3 exhales, awkwardly. “So…you’re gonna have to tell me what that was all about.”
You smile, tiredly. “Yeah, I’ll tell you all about my adventures over the past few weeks. But I’d like a moment just to relax, if you don’t mind.” You nuzzle her ear.
She gives you a tight hug. “Okay, sounds good.”
The snow falls outside your window, specks of light floating through the darkness and forming a thick, white blanket on the ground.
And between that blanket and your fuzzy pillow, you soon drift off to sleep.
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7110970
You could just go by the Bond books and short stories; you're still missing "Casino Royale" (which was also made into one with Peter Sellers and David Niven before Albert Broccoli secured the rights to the series and Connery took over as Bond), "Dr. No", "Goldfinger", "Thunderball", just from Ian Fleming's original series; short stories include "Quantum of Solace", "The Hildebrand Rarity", "From a View to a Kill", and "Risico". P.S.: I have a copy of every one of the original Ian Fleming books; not original copies but the whole series nonetheless.
As far as non-Daniel Craig movies, there's "License to Kill", "The World is Not Enough", "Goldeneye", "A View to a Kill", "Doctor No", "Goldfinger", "Thunderball", and "Tomorrow Never Dies". Though I must say I am wondering why you would not include the Daniel Craig movie titles.
Also, you missed a dual reference: you could have used Octavia for "The Huggable Daylights", as the original is about a concert cellist who's also an assassin.
7426007 I didn't have enough chapters to name one after each movie, and I didn't think too much about the plotlines of each film (I just tried to match the ponies and the titles as best I could). That being said, you had some good ones in there that I could have used, had I been more alert. Thanks for the input.
) to the name Bond and I refused to use any films post-new-Casino Royale. Call me bigoted if you wish, but there will never be a Bond like Connery.
As for Daniel Craig films, he is a disgrace (
7426027
Certainly not, though I rather like Craig's tenure except for "Quantum of Solace". The one I have the most problems with is Roger Moore, and that's mostly because his films often butcher the source material books for something more outlandish, exceptions being "For Your Eyes Only" and "The Spy Who Loved Me", which are not the best but fantastic for that era.
Although good news for you: I don't think Craig is returning; even he's said anything after Spectre would just be for the dough and not for playing the part of Bond.
7426051 *Eyes Craig's body, impaled to a tree with a harpoon*
"I think he got the point."
7426060
7426066 Thanks for the watch!
So what is his new quest?
Will there be more Snuggles.
8511432
Always! Have you checked out my other stories on here? I've got basically dozens!
Snugfest!
You have delivered Wonderfully Sir!
I applaud you and the Snuggle escapades you grace us with!
7730302
Alas, I feel that is a question that shall not be answered.
Apart from within our twisted imaginations.
Though a bit rough around the edges, as you hadn't polished your style to your current peak, I'm still glad to have read through it all finally. The references were very reminiscent of "Family Guy" -esque cutaway gags, & some chapters had absolutely no cuddling at all, but overall it works. I feel the twist at the end could have been more effective if our protagonist had met some more of the named suspects, as well as if he had some background in economics. However, for what it is, (an earlier fanfic), it's still solid. Not as good as "The First Kiss Kiss" or "Seraphic Snuggles" but still nice.
Hurry up and drop out of med school so you can entertain me pleb!
11408755
I already graduated, and THAT’S where my problems began!
11412501
Then go back pleb! And dont come back out til you've got a story for us!