After failing His Mark of Mastery Exam, Sora was sent back to the Islands to search for signs of Xehanort. However while he was there a magic door forced him into the world of Equestria. But why is he in such a peaceful world? And more importantly who summoned him?
Takes place after Dream Drop Distance and between MLP Season 4 and 5
Story is inspired by steel soul's Kingdom Hearts of Harmony although I Know I'm going a different direction. However if you like this why don't you check out steel soul.
Chapters (8)
“Pinkie calm down! I don’t of any new ponies in town. And besides the point, the last time you did that was with me. What makes me and him so special that you felt the need to throw us a surprise party before you even introduce your self?” Twilight asked.
EDIT:
EDIT END
"Pinkie, calm down! I don't know of any new ponies in town. And besides the point, the last time you did that was with me. What makes me and him so special that you felt the need to throw us a surprise party before you even introduced yourself?
Yourself is written together, and you forgot a word.
"It's a long story. Maybe some other time," Sora responded hesitantly. He knew it wasn't a good excuse, but what else could he say? 'I woke up with it this morning', that wouldn't go too well.
Tch tch tch, you don't have to say sorry before you have done anything bad.
"Okay", Sora responded and he/they turned to face the three fillies, "See you later, I guess."
Did Sora or Sora and Rarity turn?
"Okay", they said simultaneously. Sora and Rarity walked outside and HIGHPOEGJNHJH?PJGHPHJNPHGJ when Sora noticed Applejack walking towards them once again. "Rarity, Fluttershy wanted me to tell ya to be at the castle in three hours", she explained.
They never started walking down the street, so they can't continue it. Better would be:
Sora and Rarity went outside and walked down the street when...
Seeing how I cannot use THE technique in a comment, you should put the letter centerwritten, you know? You write it from the middle instead from the right or the left? So all lines are in the middle?
Or find some other way to mark out the letter.
"Yeah, try to think about it as the unofficial friendship capital of Equestria", Twilight giggled. "You want to know something funny? The last time Pinkie Pie threw a party like this it was for me."
"The Princess of Friendship thought friends were pointless?" Sora asked in a joking way.
Some idiots and me live.
Some idiots and I live.
Mark the correct sentence!
And that was(or that's, although I am not sure about that's) when I got these wings and was crowned a princess.
After all, quite a mess you made there, but an interesting mess. Never heard about Sora etc., so I am excited about a new unknown variable.
This seems interesting.
This story seems to be going for a good start. Hope to see more soon.
5580359 Thank you for the grammatical help. Believe it or not I proof-read this THREE times and still missed what you told me about. Also there was some tings that didn't come out as well because I copied and pasted the story from a word document.
So, I have a few things to say about this story.
First off, FORMATING!!! IT IS YOUR FRIEND!!! DON'T TREAT IT LIKE THE DIRTY WHORE IN THE STREETS!!!
Please, for the love of everything that is holy, format your story. You cannot believe how annoying it is to read dialogue that is quite literally mashed together. At least put a single space between each line of dialogue and paragraph, it will make it look thousands of times better.
Secondly, VISUALS!!! WE ARE BLIND!!! HELP US SEE!!! PLEASE!!! IT IS SO DARK!!!
You completely fail to add visual details at some points in the story, most of what I see is dialogue. Lots of dialogue, although is not a bad thing, does not substitute for the fact we cannot see what is going on. We can imagine it, but it is likely we are imagining it completely wrong. As such, we are constantly walking blind reading this story, into walls, into paths of moving automobiles, into the arms of death himself! (And he is a major f
t!) Save lives, guide the blind!
Lastly, PACING!!! SLOW DOWN!!! YOU ARE GOING TO HIT THAT TREE!!! GORGE!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!
The story seems like it is speeding by way too fast, as if you are late to work and considering running every red light to get there. Scenes go by faster than you explain what exactly is happening. It feels like "WE ARE HERE!!! NOW QUICK!!! LETS GET OVER THERE!!!" This is not good, in fact, it might even get you a hefty speeding ticket! Hell, you might run over a few poor innocent plot details you completely forgot about in your recklessness to get to work on time! That is just wrong! So please, slow down! Relax! Take it easy! There is no need to rush! Take your time! Your boss can go f
k himself if he can't wait!
So, that is all she wrote. Now, please don't take this message the wrong way. I like the idea for the story and I just want to see it succeed. Good luck to you in your writing endeavors.
5582044
Thank you for the tips (although I could do without the colorful way of giving them) The truth is...
1. I copied and pasted this from a word doc. that was double spaced. However I agree and will get one formatting better soon.
2. My Minds eye is legally blind. I have a hard time seeing no mater how much detail is involved when reading. Frankly it's a miracle I did as well as I did. However I understand your problem with the limited detail and I will see if I can get help with that.
3.Unfortunately there Isn't Much I can do there I can assure you after the amount of times I prof-read this I didn't miss any plot points. However If the Pacing was too fast in this chapter it is because it was running long and I didn't wont it to be over 40 pages on the program I was typing on (It was 30 as it was)
Again thank you for your support and I will see what I can do.
5582319
Oh, trust me. I could have been far worse if I wanted too. This was restrained compared to how I like to criticize. (My usual criticisms usually contain a lot more colorful words and lots of sexual/disturbing metaphors and similes.)
Anyhow, you're welcome. I simply hope the writing in this story improves and that this idea succeeds.
5580989 I read somewhere that you have to read your story 6 times or get 6 proofreaders to get 99% of the mistakes.
And what am I here for?
5582693 I have wrote a few chapter of a novel (not a fanfic) and proof-read the first of which 10 time by now and still find mistakes!
any how if you see any more or have any more advice just let me know
Thank you
5583732 I will, and I just know realised the thing with the name of the story and yours...
*snort* hahahaha *snort*
CLIFFHANGER!!!!!!!!!! T_T
5583732 If you can work out the white lines it would be more enticing.
5583732 Still good though.
5731247 what do you mean by white lines?
5733598 Notice how there's a bit of white between Sora and the bckground.
I did find it interesting that the fight with Xemnas was easier than the one with Sephiroth, I had to use several megalixirs and elixirs to defeat the latter and it took several tries to get the right keyblade and timing to break his.
5774643
you know that is because he a bonus boss right
Great chapter. I love the action scenes you wrote.
i love the way it going with this story cant wait to read more
great story please continues
ps maybe little more CMC scenes
5897015
thanks and I'll keep the CMC in mind
really beautiful story , I can not wait to read the next chapter.
ps I really hope to see scenes like
1twilight is convinced that sora is a changeling then traps him in a magic bubble / sora uses transfert and escape
2sora can not fly due to the wings but thanks to its ability super gliare ( pixie dust ) / new goal for scotaloo get a keyblade
3sora is a enigma that does not want to reveal his secrets / cmc mission cutie mark crusaider investigation team
4 spike is in danger /sora summon bahamuth / spike has a new god
5an nobody attak discord / sora summon gene
6sora is strongher than big mac / big mac pride is hurt
7Spitfire see sora fly without using his wings / Spitfire go in shok
8 rainbow teaches sora to fly with his wings
9 sora and hosted by cake , sora prepare ice creams from kh bbs pinkie goes crazy
10 sora summon dream eater /fluttershy reaction encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT1JUX8_3VZLp9DywpjhPp10nOcCy6yGdGciISsPyouWMU8PQTiTw
11Celestia does not explain who is sora , twilight asks her friends to keep him busy so she can study him in secret / twilight does not discover anything / twilight go berserk like ep 15 MLP FiM
5909095
Thanks for the support and I am working on the next chapter right now, but it is going to take a while.
About the suggested scenes
1. unfortunately there isn't time for this one
2. I may use the first of this one, but not the whole thing (sorry)
3. That's a great idea, if a can find the place I'm definitely using that as a chapter
4. that's not going to happen, and I don't believe Sora has that summon in the games or manga even.
5. I am taking that
6 and 7. Sorry not feeling those ones
8. Was planing that one from the start
9. Sorry Sora is staying in one of Twilight's guest room so that doesn't really work
10. The dream eaters are only in world that are in sleep, so Sora can't summon them here
11. I don't want to tell much about what is happening with that because it is happening in the next chapter
Hope your not too disappointed about not have most of the recommended scenes but I do have a method to my madness. ...meaning that most of the story is planed out just not written yet.
No problem ,rather thanks for your answer, in any case would last two tips that I would like to bring to your attention
1 big mac and shiny armur are concerned about the "interest" of their sisters to sora /they get the "wrong idea" / decide to challenge him , in the craft work the first and the second in fighting , sora while not understanding the sense of the challenges thanks to its ability easily beats them both
2( if chrysalis face an appearance) chrysalis trying to eat 's love sora / as sora is human can not do it / chrysalis is connvince who sora is a monster
doing this face img4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20141019091315/onepiece/images/8/84/Perona's_Shocked_Face.png
P.S thanks again , for your attention
5932229
I'm not a celebrity and I enjoy any helpful feedback I can get. So THANK YOU
As for the new ideas...
1. There really isn't a way for me to use either of them but I do have more to say about the second.
2. She will but in the story... eventually... I still haven't worked out exactly when or why, but I do have a plan
P.S. Once again thanks for the help Unfortunately much of my story is already planned out however these are some great ideas, have you thought about writing a fanfic yourself. You should give it a try, I know I would read it.
Liking it so far, keep up the good writing. Can't wait to see how this story progresses.
5949533
By the way next chapter will be out soon
5950110 YUS!!!
when will the next chapter will be out?
cant wait for next chapter is it who is pony with black coat ?
Greta chapter.
great chapters .I love it
ah ... I found a video that maybe we can interest you
What do you think abaut it ?
maybe unicornus was a real Alicorn from Equestria before the birth of the princess .
what would explain the ' interest of xheanort for that place
P.S. I 'd love to see Twilight in the form berserk , against sora th04.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/f/2012/276/f/e/twilight_sparkle___flame_on_by_mysticalpha-d5gog1d.jpg
5953977
Unfortunately Xheanort only interest in this place in this story is a means to an end to obtain Sora.
5954426
Good one
5951913
What no one going to guess who the cloaked ponies are. I mean I not got to say what's right or wrong but doesn't anyone want the barging rights of calling it before it happens.
5955253 could it equestia version of orginzation 13?
5955284
Here is some hints.
1. They're EVIL!
2. There is more than one cloaked pony.
3. There is there scenes total with cloaked ponies in them (One in Chapter 2 and Two in Chapter 3)
4. I'm taking one idea form the kingdom hearts 2 manga.
Try and think and I'm sure someone will get who one of them is at least. However there is one of my own creation in here as well. That one will be relieved soon.
5955284 there are only a few and they are particulate nobodies
this is the last hint so good luck.
5955433 i gotta say its vexen and zexion because 2 things illusion and experiment
5955330 are they noponies and don't you think that kingdom hearts and mlp will make a good crossover even if it a movie/gamelevel type of deal
5955446
That would be awesome
Too bad it will never happen... not unless Hasbro sells their biggest money maker to Disney.
I do not think they are their nobodies because if this crossover is set after the events of kh3d then Vexen and Zexion have already returned to being human with dilan, aleleus and lea as seen in this video
and Isa and Braig part of which has been confirmed xheanotizzation(
)the only ones that do not know the fate are larxen, Marluxia, Luxord and Demyx.
so in my opinion more likely to be or some new characters who xheanort donated the powers of the old members of the 'organization in order to satisfy their desires for conquest or may be counterparties pony of the members of' organization, a bit 'as It has happened to the mane 6 in movies Equestria girls
5958356 by say it does happens it will be hugh for populaty and money wise plus the story they could tell would be awesome for the crosover.
I found two theory that maybe you can affect
(keyblade new ability in kh3)
Great story I love it ,
but I think it would be nice if sora could also use some of the other attacks and abilities that have appeared in the various chapters of the series, type the command style bbs as Wing Blade (given the connection with ventus) or the new spells appeared in kh3d as sparkga, ballonga or salvation or the other skill of kh 1/2 like Gravity Break , ragnarok and Explosions .
I send a series of pages in which not only the name of the Technique 'is also the animation of the above.
KH3D
command dek
http://www.khwiki.com/Deck_Command_(KH3D)
Link Attack
http://www.khwiki.com/Link_System
KHBBS
Command Style
http://kingdomhearts.wikia.com/wiki/Command_Style
Finish Commands
http://www.khwiki.com/Finish_command_(KHBBS)
Deck Commands
http://www.khwiki.com/Deck_Command_(KHBBS)
Shotlock
http://www.khwiki.com/Shotlock
Dimension Link
http://kingdomhearts.wikia.com/wiki/Dimension_Link
KH
Abilities
http://kingdomhearts.wikia.com/wiki/Abilities_(Kingdom_Hearts)
KH2
Abilities
http://kingdomhearts.wikia.com/wiki/Abilities_(Kingdom_Hearts_II)
KH3
weapon transformation?
http://www.khinsider.com/news/KHI-Rendition-of-Sora-s-Keyblade-Transformations-from-KH3-Footage-5021
ah ... and a cute fanvideo
p. s. I hope to be a help
5995786
Thanks and I'm going to be using attacks and heartless from all over the franchise, although I'm going to stick to ones I know Sora can use. Also anything exclusive to the Realm of sleep will (aka the Dream Eaters' Link Attacks and Dimensional Links will not be included, because this is not a sleeping world.
Still thanks for the support and the links they will definitely come in handy.
OPS
I forgot kingdom hearts coed
attacks
http://kingdomhearts.wikia.com/wiki/Command_Matrix
and the finish command
http://kingdomhearts.wikia.com/wiki/Gear_Matrix