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Cosmo is a pony from Canterlot who was adopted by a couple on the night of the Star Festival. One day Cosmo's adoptive parents reveal how they found him and Princess Celestia sends him to Ponyville to make friends. While there he meets a certain Unicorn he hadn't seen in years. Through treacherous dungeons, evil sorcerers, and eldritch abominations, Cosmo will stop at nothing to find his destiny, and the long forgotten secret of the Elements of Harmony.
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*yawns*
OC ALICORN ALERT!
OC ALICORN ALERT!
ENACT PROTOCOL 66: MASS DOWNVOTE
5580626 Is that a Star Wars reference?
OC story, huh. I really can't say I properly hated it, but it definitely left a horrible feeling in me. See, your writing style, for the most part, is ok. It's just... What you're writing. I believe you've heard of the 'Gary OC' stereotype? Yeah, Cosmos more or less falls in that category. The problems he has are based upon the other ponies, like that guard simply being an ass, or Rainbow spilling cider on him. He doesn't seem to have that many self-troubles/problems about himself, aside from his idea that he's a loser.
I'm disliking how close he is to a character in the Mane Six, Twilight specifically. Twilight literally had no friends, and spent almost her ENTIRE life focusing on magic, not just as she grew older. And the fact that the guard instantly is like 'ya, fuck u' when he's asking to join the Royal Guard. It's like the American military for the most part, and they don't really deny people from joining, only those who quit or wash out.
My biggest gripe: He's an alicorn. I doubt his adoptive parents would be like 'yeah this is another normal foal' and nopony would question it. It's even worse, when nopony gives him respect: it would be the opposite, considering the only alicorns are royalty and highly powerful. If you seriously want him to have both wings and a horn, do a half-ling idea, where he gets both pegasi and unicorn traits, but at a much weaker strength.
Alicorn OC?
i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/270/530/0ca.jpg
Story with yet another goddamn alicorn OC
5580749
Hey this dude has been here forever. I mean he's been on here a whole day!
5580626 Oc Alicorns aren't always bad, they are just done badly.
5580626
37.media.tumblr.com/09442a8d12d3085c2a9704f2e5cf0182/tumblr_mqqemnUl3I1rbt69ao1_500.gif
5581084
Name one good one. Just one OC Alicorn.
5581406 Nyx
5581504
Fair enough.
A red alicorn.
No.
Nah.
To be the most powerful pony ever, to discover he's long-lost royalty, and to be in simultaneous romantic relationships with all of the Mane Six.
The fact that there are actually seven of them, and he's the bearer of the missing one.
(Just guessing.)
[youtube=YmHi_BLh3Mw]
GARY STU ALERT! WE NEED BACKUP!
5581905 THERE'S TOO MANY OF THEM!!! OH GOD THERE ALL SO EDGY!!!
5581406 Gaia I think.
5581406
Well, there was one in For the Ones we Love that was great, but he wasn't the protagonist, so it doesn't really count in this argument.
5580843
Prepare yourself for that, critic. Been on this site almost two years now and every day some upstart tosser goes and makes an alicorn fic.
5583048 I just added another one
5583058
Goddammit.
5581086
CHICKS DIG GIANT ROBOTS!
To sum it up... roundstable.com/forums/images/smilies/ajskeptic2.png
This isn't terribly written, truth be told. It's just that no one likes alicorn characters that are "special" and have a silly messianic destiny.
The biggest problem with this fic is that there's little to no originality. The 'Star Festival' and the Starflies are a ripoff of Super Mario Galaxy, Cosmo's adventurer habits are cloned from Dungeons and Dragons, and Cosmo basically retreads Twilight's steps in Ponyville, down to staying in what would ordinarily be a public building (in Twilight's case, the library, and in Cosmo's case, the museum).
Also, the museum needs fleshing out. Why is it there? After all, Ponyville is a small town. Why haven't we heard about this museum before?