Friendship is Forever: Ponyville at a First Glance

by Friendship Is Forever

Chapter 1

Flash was already out of bed when his mother came into the room. "Hi mom." He grumbled trying to talk to her as little as the the possible.

"Flash..." She said exasperatedly. "I know you don't like Ponyville, and I'm sorry we had to move, but your Aunt Applejack's accident... She needs help. Everypony moved back. Even Twilight."

Flash glared at his mom. "Yeah. sure mom." he turned around to make his bed, which was a habit she had drilled into the three of them.

"HEY! Flash! Don't you turn your back on me! PAY ATTENTION!" His mother yelled at him.

He turned as slowly as possible to irritate her more. "What?"

"Flash. I'm disappointed in you. Let's face it. You're a natural flyer and belong in the clouds. But this will help you. Trust me." His mother reassured him.

"But how can I help? It's not my fault aunt AJ got hurt! How come it affects MY life?" He asked, it being blunter than he meant.

Rainbow looked in shock at flash. "I'm going to wake up Spark." She walked out of the room, her anger so potent it left a trail.

He huffed and left the room, heading to the kitchen to get a bowl of cereal

As he sat down, eating he felt another pony sit next to him.

"Flash?" Came a voice to his left. An annoying perky voice. At six. In the morning.

"What do you want SS?" He said talking more to his cereal than his sister.

"Why did Mom yell at you this morning?"

Flash bristled and looked at the icy blue pegasus her blue and yellow mane curled. Perfectly curled. as usual. She took WAY too long on her appearance. "How... did... you... know ...that." He said through gritted teeth.

"Easy. You and mom are both annoyed. You've been avoiding eye contact."

"Why are you always so observant?" And right...

"Eh... I have an eye for detail." She waved away his concerns with a hoof like one waves away a particularly annoying gnat.

He turned back to his cereal and took a bite before answering his sisters question. "Because I don't want to be here. I'd rather still be in Cloudsdale."

His sister looked at him. "Yeah. Me too. But do you miss Cloudsdale...." She trailed off and developed a sly grin. "Or.... do you miss Phoenix? "

"WHAT?!!" He yelled at her.

She cracked up at his reaction. "Oh... *wheeze* Celestia! *hysterical laughter* you... Totally have a crush on her! *noise that resembles a dying porpoise* HA!" She laughed even harder when she looked at his incredibly annoyed expression.

He turned his back to her and saw his youngest sister out of the corner of his eye, trying to creep past him.

He let her get about a foot away from him, then he spun quickly around. " Hey short one!" He half yelled.

"AAAAHHHHHHH" she screamed causing their mother to stick her head in the kitchen

"HEY! FLASH. STOP TERRORIZING YOUR SISTER." Rainbow yelled at him, causing him to fall deeper into his bad mood.

"Uh... Sorry Spark." He apologized, not meaning a word.

"Thannnkkkks." Spark said sarcastically. "Do you want to race?"

"In the kitchen?" He asked raising an eyebrow.

"No stupid. Outside. Duh." Her vivid green eyes glinting with a challenge.

"Sure kid." He caved. She would just keep asking until he did.

"GREAT! If I beat you you do my chores for a week!" She exclaimed.

"And WHEN I beat you, you can do the dishes." He always gave her smaller bets than he would anypony else. She still could beat him. It would be worth the week of extra chores to see her win. She wasn't the greatest flyer her age, but she was working on it with a vengeance. Trying to constantly beat her brother became a daily routine, as much as he tried, he know that he wasn't far from her beating him. And this compitition might change. Him trying to beat he- nah, she'll never catch me. He reassured himself. Losing the reputation of the fastest flier apart from his mom, would be hard to take.

Flash poured more cereal into his bowl, getting a disgusted look from SS as he mixed oats and mellows with fruit hay. "What?" He asked with his mouth full.

"How... Can you eat that. Really? That's just... Ew." His sister shook her head.

"It's... Good?" He said confused why she was so disgusted.

"Ughhhhh. Just eat your cereal and go.... If you can call that cereal." SS said.

Still in a bad mood he finished breakfast. "C'mon spark. Let's go find a place to race." He addressed spark, trying to not even let Speed think she could tag along.

"Hey. Can I come?" No such luck.

"Can she Flash?" Spark asked.

"Ugh. Fine. Miss Prissy can come and watch." He said, calling her the nickname that she hated.

"Really? Thanks!" SS said enthusiasticly ignoring the 'miss prissy' comment.

"Yeah. Fine. Let's just go already." Passing box, after box of things still packed up in boxes waiting to be put away, they headed out the door into town.

Comments

[The Cardboard Box]

Looks like I'm restarting the "Cardboard Box First-Time Fic Reviews."

Now, this isn't a bad start. You know where you're going bit you're not quite sure how to get there. Example: Dashie. She's VERY OOC here, and I have trouble even picturing her saying things like "young colt." It's also a teeny bit rushed. Try and slow down the pace and describe the surroundings. It seems like it'd be boring when you write it, but believe me, when you read it, it makes a big difference.
Your grammar seems to be spot on, so no complaints there.
My final verdict is this. Try and imagine the characters saying something before you write it, and slow down the pace. That'll make this a strong foundation for future endeavors.

-The Box
PS, if you ever need any help with editing, I'm always available.

[Friendship Is Forever]

5575637
Thanks!
I don't really write much and I agree. Dash wouldn't really say that. Ever XD I'll fix that.

[The Cardboard Box]

5575788

[Hillbe]

"What toy surprise did he get?"

"Not as good as Celesta Honey Oats"

"Spikes fresh pancakes"

"Rarirtys marsh mellow bits"

"Spike!"

"Let the fun begin"

[Friendship Is Forever]

5576022
All this controversy over cereal