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Friendship is Forever: Ponyville at a First Glance

When Applejack has an accident that leaves her unable to take care of Sweet Apple Acres, The mane six move back to Ponyville, taking their children with them, As they all try to adjust they meet new friends and find out things about themselves that they wouldn't expect.

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Comments ( 5 )

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The Cardboard Box

The Cardboard Box #1 · Feb 1st, 2015 · · · Chapter 1 ·

Looks like I'm restarting the "Cardboard Box First-Time Fic Reviews."

Now, this isn't a bad start. You know where you're going bit you're not quite sure how to get there. Example: Dashie. She's VERY OOC here, and I have trouble even picturing her saying things like "young colt." It's also a teeny bit rushed. Try and slow down the pace and describe the surroundings. It seems like it'd be boring when you write it, but believe me, when you read it, it makes a big difference.
Your grammar seems to be spot on, so no complaints there.
My final verdict is this. Try and imagine the characters saying something before you write it, and slow down the pace. That'll make this a strong foundation for future endeavors.

-The Box
PS, if you ever need any help with editing, I'm always available.

Friendship Is Forever