Where would you want to be during the zombie apocalypse? Which persons would be the most important to you? How far would you go to protect them?
To Frank, all those questions have no meaning. Caught in the end of the world during a trip to Tokyo, he finds himself stuck in a foreign land, with no means to communicate with his fellow survival, and no hope of finding his family ever again.
But destiny knows how to be ironic, so maybe, just maybe, a young orange pony, away from her home dimension, might be the one to understand him.
Written for Obselescence's "The More Most Dangerous Game" contest, using the prompt "My Little Dashie".
Chapters (1)
"I struggled a long with survivin'...but...no matter what...you keep findin' somethin' to fight for." - Joel
Small typo here. Other than that, this is a great read. I look forward to seeing how it does in the contest.
This was okay, but I can't say the writing did a lot for me. It's rather telly most of the time and there are a lot of typos throughout. That said, the ending was heartwarming and done very well.
This belies that the protagonist expects strange, small equines to understand each other with only a language barrier when all the protagonist's previous experiences with quadrupedal life proves otherwise. That's a giant leap that I refuse to allow you.
Unless, of course, the aliens attacking are quadrupeds. This opens another can of worms.
Try again.
5562912 I really don't understand what you are getting at here. I establish in the previous paragraph that AJ, to him, seems to be intelligent, so expecting some kind of response to gestures would be reasonable. Considering she seems vaguely equine, it would seem reasonable that she would eat food. And chocolate is one of those things which tends to be more-or-less universally loved. Making a show that eating that thing was safe, then, would be a reasonable attempt at showing her that the thing is good. And AJ only eats after identifying a smell which she finds appealing.
Also, I never mentioned an extraterrestrial invasion, only zombies.
5569073
My bad on the incorrect external threat.
Just the fact the fact that Applejack grabbed(with her hooves) the bar before shoving it in her mouth should have made him stop and think right there. There's a HUGE difference between intelligent animals and sapient animals.
5569648 There are plenty of intelligent, tool using animals, that would show similar behavior, like Chimps or Ravens. I really don't understand if your issue is with the protagonist thinking too high, or too little of AJ in this case.
Also, he only tries talking after hearing her vocalize something that doesn't sound so far from human language.
5569981
I can understand why you don't think I'm understandable. I guess I'm just spoiled. Thanks for indulging my comments. I'm still keen on the story and maybe I took it too seriously.
I was disappointed in two ways: the writing and the ending. It was agood story up to that point. :/
5726180 I wish I had invested more time in this story. Not only it had less proofreading than most of my blog posts, there is a whole arc missing from the story, which I simply couldn't get to an acceptable conclusion. Since that is a emotional high point, I thought it better than ending on something more vague.
The idea was that they would spend years building a farm on the rooftops of the buildings around them, Ginza in my mind, which is the reason for the title. Eventually, someone from Equestria would show up, but I had no idea how to go from there. Every logical conclusion would either lead to a terribly depressing ending (which I wanted to avoid), or something completely unrelated to the general feel of the story, and terribly contrived.
I even had one rough version of a scene where AJ returns to Equestria alone (for some contrived reason), and then he looks around at everything they had built, and throws himself from the building since it all seemed empty and pointless. I really didn't want to use that ending.
No
have
I think the big issue in this story for me was how the events of the story were mostly summarized. That chase scene was supposed to be the climax of the story, but it's ultimately only two paragraphs in length. The development seemed rather lacking, which made the ending (which I didn't mind - it seemed like a good note to end it on) not feel very impactful. There just wasn't enough time for it to feel like they just survived a major struggle.
It was a great story but there was no clear resolution at the end. Could have been better.