Fluttershy has always believed no situation is hopeless. When she meets an unfortunate orphaned unicorn foal, cursed with an evil shadow that haunts him, she might have just met somepony she can’t save.
Notes: This story was written for The More Most Dangerous Game Contest prompt “Past Sins”. I am rating it teen because much of the story will have a dark and sad tone and there also will be some violence.
The cover art is by me.
Sequel is coming in March/April 2015 and will be a Dark Adventure story. It will be the first of a Dark AU Adventure Series focusing on different nations and magics touched on in MLP.
I wish to give a big thank you to both of my editors for finding all of my mistakes and for their criticism that helped me improve various aspects of this story. Thank you Murder Knight and Marcibel!
That kid HAS to be related to Sombra
5499179 I think he's just possessed by Sombra. Spooooooooooky :D
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Yes. He is basically possessed through his shadow. I had to do a bit of thinking on exactly what sort of magic Sombra used and come up with a head cannon in how his powers would allow him to do for this story. Basically all of Sombra's essence is a shadow now but because his magic can control shadows he can use those shadows to his ends.
I'm not sure how much of the head cannon involving "Shadow Magic" I have will be explained because of the contest word count limit but if you guys like the story enough I might do a sequel where no word count limits will stop me from explaining it all.
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The next part will be out in 2-3 days. I'm going to try and finish it as soon as I can so I don't get caught not being able to submitt it to the contest in time.
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Its looking more like it will be out on the weekend. I was a little busier than I thought and not feeling great so its slowed me down a bit. The first draft of Part 2 is about half-done. Tonight I should finish it up. Friday I'll work on my edits and send it over to the proof readers. Then I'll start immediately on Part 3 to be sure I meet the contest deadline.
Sequal Please!
5543651 agreed
A sequel could be quite entertaining.
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Thanks. If I get a few more that want one I'll do it. It would be more of an adventure story than this one was if I write it. Sort of a quest.
I also vote for sequel
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Thanks for the favorite. I've decided if the story gets 30 likes I'll definitely make a sequel and I might just keep Charcoal around in other AUs I was thinking of writing.
Personally I rather like things that are difficult to work out. Entirely too many solutions around here are clear-cut and immediate.
I suspect that Discord would find King Sombra pretty boring though, at least in this version.
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That's the problem with working with a word limit. I had a lot more I wanted to do but to meet the contest rules I had to cut out a lot of things. So I agree to a degree but I feel I did a pretty good job with the word limit breathing down my neck. I don't consider it a real solution though since they really weren't able to find a way to destroy Sombra without destroying the foal so the kid has to say asleep.
I agree with Discord being bored especially since in this form Sombra's a half-powered shadow that really is only able to interact with the world through shadows. Sombra here was without access to his other magic since he really didn't have time to lay down the groundwork to completely return. Discord was basically going along with the plan as it was for Fluttershy and no other reason, throwing out a little help where he felt like it.
Anyway if I decide to do a sequel it will have everything I wanted to put in someway in that. A more epic battle would be included in things I wanted to do but really couldn't justify it with where things were at this point with Sombra just trapped as a shadow..
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No, no... That's why the "like" - the situation was complex and wasn't resolved cleanly and quickly, and therefore I like the story better.
As for Discord finding Sombra boring... that's just because Sombra's been influencing the kid from birth - and his tactic is STILL "Evil! Dominate! Kill! Force Submission!" when he's had plenty of time to find an easier approach. I find people with minds that one-track boring to talk to - and I suspect that Discord would value variety and creativity even more than I do.
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Lol. I wasn't sure what you meant but trust my hyper perfectionist brain to take it as criticism.
I really couldn't end it any other way. The moment I decided to write the story I knew it had to have a bittersweet ending because I wanted it to be different from the story that the prompt came from. .Besides, in my mind it will take some time to dig up an ancient magic that hasn't been used in thousands of years and understand it well enough to form a lasting solution.
I see what you mean on Discord finding Sombra boring in that way. I was thinking more in terms of how Discord behaved in the story. Sombra is a sadist and I don't think he'd want to think of any way other than one that would cause a lot of pain and suffering.
I definitely think Discord, even when he took over Equestria, was far more creative in controlling the masses. I wouldn't even put it past him to actually make some ponies happy so he'd have split factions. More Chaos that way.
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I've decided on doing a sequel since the response on another site is good as well. It won't be started for a few weeks since I'm getting my business set-up which is delaying fan fics. Thanks everyone.
In the meantime check out my user page for my blogs, fan art and other genre pony stories if you like. I also will be posting updates for when I start on this and another project.
5544250 I WILL SLAP YOU IF THIS DOES NOT HAVE A SEQUEL!
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Hi. Yes I will write a sequel but I plan to make some changes to this version also because with the contest limitations I did a lot more expository dialogue than I wanted. I dropped some scenes (in truth Cadence and Shining Armor were supposed to be in it but I dropped them). I'll be working on my stories again next month since I had to step away to finish up some things that will finally be done next week.
6075774 Cool!
6075774 give us a happy epilogue at least for another story damn it