Ponies are great... But what if they were humans? Just like you and me?
This is an alternate universe story in which the mane six attend a highschool as humans. Hope ya'll like it :D
Coverart by : semehammer DA: http://semehammer.deviantart.com/ ----check her/him out! its AWESOMENESS!
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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This is quite a promising story, and an interesting plot(don't take the fandom meaning of that word, hehe)!
I like how you go to describe the detail of what's happening so the reader can actually picture it in their minds. However, a problem that's introduced with that is that sometimes you go off and don't tell it in a very interesting way, saying it in the same way each time. Like, not using commas or anything to make it more enjoyable to read, just using a plain normal sentence each time. Spruce your writing up, use interesting sentence structures!
Also, but this is just an opinion of mine, you should split your writing up so it doesn't get all squished into giant paragraphs, it makes it a little more difficult to read for me, but I'm not sure about others. Besides those things, sometimes (I'm just being picky here, don't mind me) you forget a comma or an apostrophe where it's necessary, perhaps getting someone to pre-read the story before you publish here would be a good idea. Besides what I've stated, everything, in my opinion, is great!
You do realize that the mane 6 in the MLP universe have already attended high-school and are in their twenties right?
25935 Yeah I know, that's why I made it "High School" is magic... They are all in high school, so in this story they're all about 15 or 16.
25935
You do realize this is an alternate universe setting, right? o:
And that saying the MLP mane cast are in their twenties is an opinion, not a fact, unless it has been proven in the show.
25946
Faust has actually talked about how old she imagines the cast to be, and the mane six are appearently around seventeen or so - very very approximately (I mean, they are *horses*). Given that they all work professionally (well, maybe Twilight, but she is writing a thesis or something) and live by their own (Applejack live on the family farm, but her grandma seems senile, her older brother defers to her and her parents are nowhere to be seen, so that counts), but that they still can come off as childish, upper teens to twenty seems about right.
Which has no bearing on this fic - as you say, it already has them as bipedal, so having them younger doesn't matter.
Ponies age differently than humans, so exact years aren't really an issue in the show.
Also, this needs proofreading. Grammatical errors and awkward sentences are putting me off from what could be a quite enjoyable story.
please keep going with this, can't wait to see how it pans out.
This has promise, but it needs proof reading.
Yeah I know... This chapter really was not that great but I do actully have a proofreader now :) expect a new chapter later today or tomorrow! Oh and message me if you would be interested in proofreading.. I would like to have two.
Oh, so THAT'S what you meant when you said that Fluttershy was saving another life last chapter...
... Not exactly as exciting or as suspenseful as I thought, but hey, it's a high school fic, so I really shouldn't set my expectations so high
.
If you were going by with actual horse years, then the mane 6 would only be 4 or so years old.
Your fic seems pretty good overall, but how blind is Vinyl Scratch, exactly? I find it highly unlikely that a person with poor enough eyesight to be declared legally blind would be able to find a wall socket in a class room she'd never been in before. Just something to keep in mind while you're writing, but overall, good work!
Iya, that's a kind of dangerous experiment.
We didn't get to do anything that cool or dangerous in my high school chem class, though the teacher DID nearly ignite the roof.
ineresting
C O N T I N U E !
I really like the story so far. Tracking.
excited for a fourth chapter
consider it tracked! Although a bit of variation of sentance structure would be nice. good job!
O MAI IT UPDATED
She's so going to meet Soarin
Omg love this
35969 For Halloween, my chem teacher "carved" out the face of a pumpkin with an explosion. It was loud.
MOAR NAOW!
Waiting...
Very good, if a bit short.
Only real problem is the awkward
'enters'
Otherwise very good, can't wait to see more. Why does this only have a 2.8!? Nonesense.
when will the rest of chapter 2 come out you think.
and i love the story so far.
I TOLD YA!
Aww yeah, I'm the fastest in my swim team too!
SoarinDash is best shipping!
Wait a sec, Soarin's eyes are emerald, not grey!
I love the story! I have a thing for My little human fanfics, i don't know why.
Please, Please finish it! I can't wait for the rest, and this is the best Humanized MLP FIM fic i've come across! You never see too many of these!
I really
likelove this story BUT! There is one thing that I hate and that is SOARINDASH. See I totally and forever support Rainburn and SoarinJackPeace Out,
-Ginger
2263815 no, just no.
soarinjack may be a little cool, but soarindash is twenty percent cooler
2263815
what is rainburn?
5081532 it's the relationship name for Rainbowdash and Braeburn