A Dangerous Sparkle

by David Silver

17 - Look Out, Here Comes Twilight

Under Score approached the mirror set on his wall and waved a hoof over it while speaking words to a spell Twilight was not familiar with. Frazzled or not, it was never a bad time to be attentive to magic, and she watched him intently until the spell was complete. There was spike! He had appeared in the mirror laying on his side in a crude camp with four humans sleeping around him, out in the wilderness. They all looked like they'd been to Tartarus and back.

"There he is," stated Under Score, "It is good fortune we caught him sleeping. One's defenses are typically lower."

"Defenses?" asked Twilight, "We're saving him, not attacking him!"

"He doesn't know that. He can throw aside my view if his will is too strong," explained Under. "Well, I gather I will not be getting any sleep until I get you to him."

Twilight bobbed her head fiercely, "Yes yes yes. Please. Look at him!" She raised a hoof at the mirror, "He's a mess, and so is everyone around him! I can try that healing spell I read about!"

Under raised a shaggy brow at her, "There are few healing tricks in the arcane bag that do not come with some sort of price. What spell do you plan to use?"

Twilight began to look nervous as Under's gaze grew more intense in reply to her own hesitation, "Well, uh, I saw a spell called 'infernal healing', an--"

"No," stated Under Score in no uncertain terms. "That spell is an act of evil, and draws the plane imperceptibly closer to the infernal reaches. Unless your friend is dying on the spot, it is better to not use it. He is clearly still alive." He directed at the mirror, "Just hurt. You must promise, swear, that you will not cast that."

Twilight folded her ears back, cowed, "Unless he's dying," she muttered before raising her ears sharply with a thought, "Do you have a potion I can give him?"

He shook his head, stance still firm and unwavering, "Learning to supply yourself is another lesson in learning to adventure properly. He's not dying, and I will take you to him. Are you ready?"

Twilight looked herself over before dashing out of the room. She returned a short while later, saddlebags stuffed with snacks and supplies secured from the common room, "Ready!"

Under reached out to place a hoof on her before speaking words of a powerful spell. Space and time submitted to his will, and soon the two appeared with a sudden pop of displaced air not far from the little camp. "Good luck," said Under before the same spell sent him home, back to his warm bed and needed sleep.

Twilight tilted her head at the empty space, "Why didn't he take us all back?" She quickly dropped the thought in favor of rushing over to Spike with a growing smile. Her eager hoofsteps brought Spike to sudden awareness with a yelp. He smiled when he saw who it was and rose painfully to his feet to return the crushing embrace coming his way.

"Number one assistants do not go without their best friend," she chastised, head buried in his neck. "What happened? It looks like you got run over by a train."

Some of the humans were stirring at the motion and conversation, but seeing the two appeared to be on friendly terms, tried to settle back to slumber. Spike flashed a bright smile, "I fought the biggest orc I ever saw! He had a bison even! I almost didn't make it, but you should see the other guy?" He ribbed Twilight, but Twilight didn't look in the joking mood. She drew out a muffin and stuffed it in his mouth.

"Eat," she commanded. "I am now your official nurse and you're not doing anything or going anywhere without my say so."

Spike gave a sharp salute before he began chewing on the muffin, "Yesh maam."

The excitement starting to ebb, Twilight's intoxication and fatigue started to catch up to her, pulling her to the ground, "And... don't you... for..." She was out, snoring loudly.

Spike smiled gently, setting the muffin aside and lifting his dear friend carefully, setting her beside the others and tucking her in. Reclaiming his muffin, he snuggled in beside her and soon the entire camp was resting a little more peacefully.

The night had treated Spike well, with his aches no longer quite as omnipresent. The camp was in high spirits as Twilight introduced herself to them and promised to see them safely to Kadiston.

"That is where we were headed," said one of the humans, "When we were waylaid."

"I know the feeling," agreed Twilight as the group began moving across the plains. "You're lucky Spike came along when he did."

Spike inflated with pride as the humans gave their thanks to him. One of them continued, "We do a lot of trade with the ponies. It will be difficult recovering, with all of our things smashed and ruined... to say nothing of the children."

Spike suddenly looked not as proud as Twilight asked, "Children?"

"Foals," he corrected, knowing the term the ponies preferred. "They apparently didn't want foal slaves." The mood soured as the painful memory was brought to the forefront. "They left them to rot in the sun," said the human as they all looked dejected and sad.

"Well that's terrible," said Twilight in a shocked voice, unsure of what else she should say. "Here, please. It won't... bring your foals back, but how much is it to buy a new caravan and supplies?"

The man looked towards a woman, who appeared to be doing some calculations in her head as she walked. "The wagon will be between fifty and a hundred, depending on how large, and ten will be enough for basic supplies, but twenty five would be ideal."

Twilight's head span. They had been paid two hundred for such a short job, when half that much would pay for this entire family's livelihood. She fished out fifty coins, then nudged Spike, getting another fifty from him, "Here, one hundred coins. No one deserves to lose everything."

Spike was a little saddened to see his money go, but the cause was good, so he kept his mouth shut but the slightest of grumblings. The humans were grateful to accept the gift, "We will be able to get back on the road swiftly, with this." stated the female, "You are a very generous pony. You have already put us in your debt by saving us."

Spike shook his head at the lot of them, "What? No. It's in the revised dragon code of honor." They looked at him quizzically, and he eagerly explained, "If somepony does something amazing for you, you should look for a way to do something amazing for somepony else later. You don't have to worry about us. We did it because we wanted to."

"Ah," said the woman, "Yes, that is a good philosophy. We will be sure to pay your kindness forward, sir Spike."

"Sir?" asked Twilight before a grin erupted on her face, "Enjoy your knighthood while it lasts."

Spike flushed red through his scales and said nothing as they hiked.

The first two days passed peacefully enough. Though Spike attempted to hunt, he was not very skilled at it. Twilight's last minute grab bag of snacks were devoured eagerly, and they found small rivers to refill the water skin she carried. On the third day of walking, fate gave them a present in the form of two black chitinous creatures that seemed to just appear from the tall grass, scuttling towards them with stingers held high.

In the surprise of their ambush, one got their claws on Spike, grabbing him and shaking him around. He reacted by digging both claws into the menacing pincer, forcing it open as he bit into the soft tissue binding the two halves of it together. The creature chittered angrily as its friend marched down on Twilight and the others. Twilight raised a hoof, lashing out with two streams of fire. The large target of the creature and her lessons with Fast Shadow paid off as both crashed into the oncoming bug, burning it painfully.

The creature was not finished, however, bringing down its stinger in a flash to bury in Twilight's barrel. She screamed in pain as she felt fire spread through her in the form of its poison. The first scorpion was still wrestling with Spike, bringing its other pincer to bear on the still trapped, if resisting, dragon. As it squeezed him, it drove its pincer home, but it skid along his toughened scales. Spike growled at it, "You're not keeping me away from Twilight," he roared before he unleashed his lightning fury across the beast, sending it backwards in a twitching pile and leaving him to zip towards the second scorpion in a determined bee-line.

Twilight was sliding away from the beast as it menaced her, edging back as pain distracted her. She decided to go for a simple but trustworthy spell. With barely two words, she glowed a soft purple as bolts of force erupted from her front, crashing into the creature in painful blasts. It wobbled to and fro, dizzy from the assault but determined with all its insect mind to have the purple pony. It reached forward, grabbing her and squeezing painfully in its pincer, but it was short lived. The squeeze proved to be its last gasp of life as it slumped to the ground, allowing the purple alicorn free to stagger and collapse onto the ground, panting.

Spike was on her in an instant, "Are you ok, Twilight?" he said as he looked her over for bleeding. "I'm sorry I wasn't doing a good job, the other one was keeping me busy."

Twilight winced softly, "I'm... fine, but I feel weak. I can hardly move."

One of the human males spoke up, "That's how scorpions hunt. They sap your strength with their poison."

Spike carefully slipped under Twilight and balanced her on his back, "Time to return a favor," he said with a smile. Twilight smiled back at him before closing her eyes, passing out as the last of her strength fled her. It was a burden Spike gladly accepted, now hiking with Twilight sprawled over his back.

They continued hiking to the city. The next day, Twilight could move stiffly, but kept up with the group under her own power, no matter how often Spike offered to let her rest, and apologized for failing as a bodyguard.

"You did fine," argued Twilight. "There were two of them, and they were big! You did everything that you could do in such a sudden attack. Besides, I can walk."

"But, Twilight," said Spike in a soft whine, "You were hurt."

"So were you," sniped Twilight. "We're a team, Spike. We'll watch out for each other, both of us. We're both in charge of making sure we both get through alright. All right?"

Spike nodded softly at her words as he reviewed the short but frightful battle in his head, considering how he could have reacted better. "I'm just glad you weren't seriously hurt."

Twilight shook her head, "What? No, I mean... that pincer hurt a little... but hey, free nap all day long," she joked, sticking out her tongue when Spike shot her a sour look. She offered a hoof, and soon they were hugging, forgiving all between them.

The city came into view on the next day, and they were eager to be back in its embrace. They separated ways with the human group with hoof, claw, and hand shaking and bumping in equal measure.

"You did not mention you were with the Seekers," said one of the human females, who had introduced herself as Clara. "I always thought they were grave robbers, but you prove me wrong."

Thomson, one of the human males, nudged her with a rib, "We'll be sure to visit before we leave, and show you the wagon you two financed."

Goodbyes said, Twilight and Spike returned to the Seekers, to give their report and get some needed sleep.

Author's Note:

Twilight, to the rescue! The group fights two at once, and make some friends along the way. A week well spent, I say.

Pound the comment box and tell me what you thought!

Comments

[chronocrosser]

Very good chapter.

Looks like Twilight has come to need Spike more than Spike needs Twilight. Have to say it's good to see them team up and I really like how Twilight convinced Spike to ignore his natural greed and assist her in a act of charity. Sad that Spike is not so good at hunting yet, maybe the Seekers should teach them more then just fighting. Have you ever thought about giving Spike a dragon teacher who' teaches him the basics of a character class, might make for a good story ark.

I've been meaning to ask you have you ever thought about posting Twilight and Spikes Character Sheets Now that would be something I would want to see. Or are you might want to wait until they have been flushed out more as D&D characters, you know have enough skills to put in Skill points equivalent to their intelligence.

[David Silver]

5470442 As they pointed out, dragons in the Seekers is kind of a strange thing. Most of them are too 'big', both in personality in in just plain size to want to deal with the Seekers, which is why he learns from ponies, and maybe a kitty in the future. We will see.

I could make a sheet for them! Is that something folks want to see? I absolutely promise it will annoy someone though, since my vision is not your vision and so on.

Thanks for the input in any event! I love getting comments.

[chronocrosser]

5470459 I would love it if you made a character sheet.

As for Spike have you considered sorcerer most dragons have the knack for it anyway. But if your dead set on what you said I understand no magical class for him, I get that it's your story and you do what you do to make it great, but care to give us any hint on what Spike eventual class will be. Maybe a I can't picture him with a weapon oriented class maybe multi class or a rouge, Right now I just trying to guess what his class will be but if you do not want to give away that big a spoiler I completely but disappointedly understand.

[David Silver]

5470507 I will try to do up sheets when I awaken. Note, Spike would have been in serious trouble fighting those scorpions in his condition. Twilight served as an adorable tank and co dps for the already wounded dragon by engaging one of the two.

[chronocrosser]

5470537 Too true how often is a spell caster a tank type.

[Seraphimus]

-"They all looked like they'd been the Tartarus and back."

Should be "To Tartarus and back"

-"Twilight lowered her ears back, cowed, " Either remove Back, or change lowered to folded It sounds kinda awkward the way it is.

-"she muttered before she raised her ears sharply"

"She muttered before Raising her ears sharply" Has a better Flow to it. Again, try reading the sentences out loud to try and understand what I mean when I'm talking about that.

-"Learning to supply yourself is another step to learning to adventure properly" I dunno, This sentence doesn't sound right to me but It's late and how to fix it is escaping my grasp.

"Learning to supply yourself is another lesson in learning to adventure properly" Perhaps?

-"gave their thanks for him" I think "to him" or even "Gave him their thanks" Would both sound better here.

-side note, The humans, Your description of the scene about their kids is good but, I feel like the words they use lack the emotional undercurrent one would expect when talking about lost/dead children. Then again, maybe that was your intent, after losing their kids, being kidnapped and then rescued all at once, Could be shock.

-"Twilight's last minute grab of snacks were devoured eagerly" Try "Last minute snacks" or "last minute grab bag of snacks" "Grab of snacks" Just doesn't read right and I found myself re-reading the sentence two or three times to try understand it.

-"Twilight raised a hoof, sending two streams of fire with a quick spell." this works, but it's combat. something more dynamic like "Twilight raised a hoof, Lashing out with Two streams of fire" You also don't have to specify it's a spell, Both as a unicorn and as a Mage in the story anything crazy she does will automatically be assumed to be magic, and saying "She used a spell to", or "with a quick spell" Breaks the suspension of disbelief.

-"You did exactly what you could do in such a sudden attack. Besides, I can walk."
"You did everything you could in such a sudden attack. Besides, I can walk." Again awkward dialogue Breaking suspension of disbelief.

-""But, Twilight," said Spike in a soft whine, "You were hurt."" Could also be ""But, Twilight," spike whined softly, "You were hurt."" You overdescribe people talking sometimes.""Well that's terrible," said Twilight in a shocked voice, unsure of what else she should say" Here too it could be "urt."" You overdescribe people talking sometimes.""Well that's terrible," said Twilight, shocked and unsure of what else she should say" And it flows better.

-""You did not mention you were with the Seekers," said one of the human females, who had introduced herself as Clara. "I always thought they were grave robbers, but you prove me wrong."" Here is another example of People sounding too formal, this time with commonfolk not luna. People very rarely use did not, They would say "you didn't mention" or "you never mentioned" Also it should be "You've proven me wrong", not "you prove me wrong"

Straight up, everything I have read so far, this is a great story, you have an involved plot, with more going on than meets the eyes and the story has it's exciting moments and seems a lot of fun, Your biggest issue is People sounding awkward or like they have no individual personalities when they talk And that your descriptions of combat seem to be more Descriptive and less dynamic and exciting... Kinda like you're describing a scene in a game of DND as opposed to a movie, Write the scene like it's a movie.

[David Silver]

5872519 I disagree about mentioning 'as a spell' because there's a difference between something she has to intone loudly for and more intuitive magic she has. She can float things around or power her wings with a thought, but casting spells is quite different, and louder.

[David Silver]

5872519 Most of the other fixes applied! Thankee.

Sounding like a D&D game is likely correct, all things considered. Even the plot rolls like a D&D campaign, much to the annoyance of some.

[WiseIdiot]

"Foals," he corrected, knowing the term the ponies preferred. "They apparently didn't want foal slaves." The mood soured as the painful memory was brought to the forefront. "They left them to rot in the sun," said the human as they all looked dejected and sad.

"Well that's terrible," said Twilight in a shocked voice, unsure of what else she should say.

...I would personally expect a little LOT more emotion from Twilight, who comes from a world where the mass murder of CHILDREN simply because they were an inconvenience would be unthinkable! "Well that's terrible" seriously makes it sound like she doesn't care that much, and she DEFINITELY doesn't sound shocked. How would YOU react to news like that, coming from a world of almost uninterrupted peace? Personally I would feel like someone just punched me in the gut. I would expect stuttering, denial, RAGE. "WHY!? WHY WOULD THEY DO SUCH A THING?!"

Throughout this story I've felt like not enough effort was put in how the characters portrayed their emotions, and this is the most glaring offense.

[David Silver]

5911042 Apologies for the dropped ball there.

[xoid]

It wobbled too and fro,

to

---

Also, I’ve gotta second 5911042’s complaint. although I think rage is a less likely reaction from Twilight than despair that such a thing is a regular occurrence. I’ll also add that the lack of reaction from the humans in the chapters it actually happened was another failing.

[David Silver]

5961656 Fixed, thanks!

[Not so New Brony]

Viewing the Seekers, which I assume is a guild of sorts for adventurers/mercenaries, as grave robbers? Hmm, is that a nod to the 'looting' some players would do during a campaign?

[David Silver]

6837343 The seekers are many things, as a group and as individuals. Ultimately, they're an adventuring guild, but they hope to do more.

[Shadow Lance]

6837394 if i was spike, i would use speed to my advantage which is something he does not know how to do, i would have flown at full speed and cleved them in two. after all if he can make a weeks jurny in half a day, than thats about 420 mph and at that speed he could break that dragon killer who obviously only could kill a dragon younger than spike.

[Skulljack17]

"You did fine," argued Twilight. "There were two of them, and they were big! You did everything what you could do in such a sudden attack. Besides, I can walk."

Need ta switch this word out, or change the sentence a bit...whatever is easier of course.

And you gotta keep back from giant bugs! Or they'll ruin your day, especially the ones with poison!

[David Silver]

10523855
Fix!