Brotherly Bonding Time

by Sketcha-Holic

5.3--Funny Business

The festival was back in full swing once the Flim Flam Brothers had their circus integrated into the celebration. A good chunk of ponies were watching the show, and being wowed by the the strength of Tyrannosaurus Pecs, the acrobatic cloud jumping of Jeff, the beautiful magic tricks of Silk Shimmer, and the feats of the other ponies. The audience was flinging their spare change onto the stage, which was often swept up by the Flim Flams or one of their lackeys after each act.

From a table on the pirate ship, Silver Shill was slurping his soda noisily and with a red face and a glare pointed at the circus. Across from him, Tomato Sandwich just quietly munched on a slice of pizza, his eyebrow raised at Silver's strange behavior, while simultaneously being a little cowed at the stares of other ponies and the performing animal band.

Tomato swallowed his bite and asked, "Are you all right?"

Silver slammed his drink on the table. "I'm not! I still can't believe the mayor let those weasels be part of the festival! I tried to tell her that they're con ponies, but nope! She keeps telling me that they must have 'turned over a new leaf' since I last saw them."

"Mind telling me what they did to make you so angry?"

Silver sighed. "Ever since Goldie got sick and needed surgery, me, my mom, and my other sisters Platinum Pen and Pearly Whites have been trying to pay off the hospital bills. I tried and failed multiple times to get a job, often being turned away because I didn't quite pitch myself the best. By the time I met the Flim Flam brothers, I was pretty desperate. And even when their idea of selling apple and beet juice as a miracle tonic rubbed me the wrong way, I stayed, because I was sure that no one else would take me. I just thought, 'better to lie than to let my sister die or put us into debt.'"

"So... you got yourself involved in a scam to pay for your sister's surgery," Tomato said.

Silver nodded. "We sold the tonic in several towns, with Flim and Flam singing a catchy song and me... well, I pretended to be crippled so I could be 'cured'. We got away with the lie... until we reached Ponyville."

"Hey, that's where Pinkie lives."

Silver shrugged. "I didn't meet this Pinkie. Instead I met a pony named Applejack, who threatened to blow our cover after her grandmother bought some of the tonic."

"Oh, yeah, I've met Applejack. She's actually one of Pinkie's friends."

"Really? Anyway, she caught me being 'cured' a second time, chased me, and then Flim and Flam came in to quell her anger. They pretty much said that she had a choice of outing us and ruining her grandmother's happiness, or just let us sell the harmless tonic and let ponies believe it was a miracle cure." He rubbed the back of his head. "I felt bad for her, since they had played the family card with me, but since the tonic was a fake, I figured that her granny being sincerely healthier than Goldie meant there was no harm done."

Tomato stuffed the rest of his pizza into his mouth and swallowed the whole thing. "So... what happened then?"

Silver stared at him for a moment, noting that Tomato didn't even chew that rather large piece. Shaking his head, he continued, "Oh, well, we were selling at a swim meet, where the grandmother and Applejack's little sister were doing some impressive tricks." He chuckled. "She's a spry old mare, I'll give her that. Anyway, Flim and Flam started billing the tonic as 'Applejack approved' and well, she wasn't very happy about that. And she was even less happy when her grandmother decided to do a high dive into a small pie tin."

"Wait, what?" Tomato blinked. "Okay... that is just stupid."

Silver nodded. "Applejack saved her, of course, but when Flim and Flam encouraged the grandmother to do it again, I was just disgusted. I mean, they'd let an old mare break her neck--or worse, die--just so they could earn more bits? I don't know about you, but I think that would have turned away customers because of that stunt."

"Because it's common sense to stop an old lady from doing that and say that the tonic doesn't make ponies invincible. It would have been obvious it was a fake. Plus... the Apples are highly respected in Equestria, so maiming or killing the matriarch... yeah..."

Silver laid his head on the table. "I was pretty disgusted with myself for going along with the lie until it got to that point. I know I had a good reason for doing so... but let's be honest, more often than not, you're judged by actions, not intent. Applejack finally said that the tonic was a fake, and then when it seemed like Flim and Flam were going to smooth talk their way out of it... well, I decided to provide backup for her. And then they left the town with minimal consequence. Needless to say, I quit working for them and went to earn money elsewhere."

"So, how are things going with that bill?"

"Oh, Mom negotiated with the hospital in order to lower the cost, Penny managed to win a case in Manehattan, Pearl had a well-timed raise, and I sold off the costumes I used in the scam, so we're well on our way on paying it. Everything went well in the operation and Goldie's getting better every day, but I'm worried about her exerting herself before she's completely healed." Then his eyes widened and he scrambled off his seat. "Speaking of whom, where'd she go? Oh, I hope she's not getting into trouble!"

Before Tomato could say another word, Silver Shill dashed away. After staring for a moment, Tomato leaned in his hoof and drew his hoof in circles on the table. He glanced at the rest of the square, where he could see Cheese rolling around on a giant cheese wheel, playing his accordion with vigor. He could see the other ponies laughing and cheering at his stunt, and nearly let out a laugh himself when someone threw a pie at his face.

"Ah, and there's the strapping young Sandwich from earlier!"

Tomato blinked upon finding himself joined at his table by the Flim Flam brothers. Furrowing his brow, he asked, "Uh... don't you have a show to run?"

Flam waved a hoof. "Nothing to worry, dear boy--Silk Shimmer can handle things on her own."

Tomato's eyes went to the train, where the white unicorn was levitating foals through rings of fire, much to the terror of parents in the audience. Recalling Silver Shill's story, he wondered how she ended up as one of the Flim Flams' lackeys, as well as the other ponies.

Flim leaned on the table. "Forgive us for calling you Cheese's father earlier, young colt--it was a joke in poor taste."

Flam chuckled. "A joke based on the clothes you wear and the demeanor you put forth."

"Though we would have truly--"

"Undeniably--"

"And positively have been truly confused had it not been for your baby face."

Tomato huffed and turned away pouting. "I do not have a baby face!"

"Oh, don't worry about it, Tomato," Flim said. "A baby face means you're going to age well."

Flam chuckled. "Still, I can see why he dresses in a suit. After all, he seems like the type who wants to be taken seriously."

Tomato whickered in annoyance. "You got that right. Okay, what do you want with me?"

Flim grinned at him. "We were hoping that we could give a few pointers to you, so that you could bring your talent to its fullest potential."

Tomato rolled his eyes. "Thanks, but no thanks. I can learn from plenty of others."

"Oh, come on, don't you want to earn lots of money? It's obviously your special talent, am I right?"

Flam clucked. "I don't know, I think he'd prefer to learn the party trade from that brother of his."

Flim laughed. "Ah, but doesn't Cheese Sandwich have a good pitch? That song of his gets stuck in your head after all."

"I do believe you're right, brother of mine... shame when we spoke with him, he said that the majority of his parties are nonprofit. How does he live?" The two of them looked at Tomato in hopes of an answer.

Tomato gave them a bored look. "I don't know. He says I wouldn't comprehend it. And I can't really learn the trade, since I'm not a party pony."

The twins burst out laughing, which made Tomato nearly stumble out of his seat. His stool fell to the floor, but he caught himself by his tail and balanced on it. He quickly swiped the stool, and put it back in place before sliding back on.

Flim finished laughing first. "You have quite the sense of humor, Tommy-boy. Come now, if you can't learn from your brother, we can give you some nice tips so that you could grow into something extraordinary."

Flam swung a fist. "Ripen into a glorious pinnacle that businessponies everywhere will aspire to."

"I can see you being so big, millions of ponies will envy your success."

At the word "envy", some unpleasant memories cropped up in Tomato's mind, and he started to sink. It didn't help that even with their positive tone, they were still making him rather uncomfortable. He attempted to rationalize it in his mind by thinking, It's that circus theme they've got, is all. I've never really liked circuses, since the music's annoying and... clowns....

He froze when Flim slung a front leg over his shoulder. "Now, now, now, Mr. Sandwich, do realize a business pony cannot be coy."

Flam appeared on his other side. "Especially when trying to promote whatever product or service you're offering."

"Speaking of which... what kind of business are you planning to be involved in, boy?"

Tomato swatted them both away. "Okay, you're in my personal space! Do you need to ask questions that close? I don't want to feel your breath. Not to mention you both need mints."

Both brothers shook their heads at the same time. Flim clicked his tongue and said, "No need to be rude. Seriously, is that the best way you can avoid the question?"

Tomato huffed and grumbled, "I'm sure I'll be in the financial department... somewhere in some company... I'll figure it out. Right now, I'm just in college, still learning."

"Oh... you'll figure it out, eh?" Flim chuckled. "And yet you're dressed like somepony completely confident and sure of their goals in life."

Flam tapped his brother's shoulder. "Let's not forget, brother of mine, that a tomato is a fruit pretending to be a vegetable."

Tomato's face turned redder than it already was, and he sharply exhaled hot breaths through his nostrils. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Flim smirked. "Well, I suppose if you don't want our two bits, I guess we'll leave you to 'figure it out'."

Flam nodded. "We wish you the best of luck, young stallion. Maybe if you remember how you earned your cutie mark, things will sort themselves out."

Flim and Flam started to trot away, snickering. One of them then said, "I'm sure someday he'll get that ponies do whatever it takes to earn bits as quickly as they can. Something tells me that he'll become quite the pennypincher once he gets in the game."

The other laughed and said, "I'll be sad if he doesn't ever get into the game with how shy he's being."

Tomato snorted as they trotted out of his earshot. Crossing his forelegs, he growled, "I'm not shy! I will figure it out... if I don't, Mom will get on my case."

His gaze fell from the brothers to his cutie mark. He took a long, hard look at it, examining every detail of it. The slight triangular shape of the dark red tomato's globe, emblazoned with the classic dollar sign, seemed like a foreboding cutie mark. The leaves being tied up reminded him of how trapped he felt. But, as class after class had told him, a cutie mark was a representation of who he is.

His tail whipped around to cover the mark, and he wondered whether or not he had earned the wrong mark.

---

Comedy Gold's plan was simple enough. All she had to do was kidnap that white unicorn mare, and then the cloudwalking spell on that pony pretending to be a wingless pegasus would wear off--exposing the Flim Flam brothers for the liars they were. All she needed was an opening where she couldn't get caught.

From her perch behind the circus train's stage, in the support beams of the roller coaster, Goldie watched Silk Shimmer create a magical tightrope between clouds for Jeff to walk across. Scoffing, Goldie took a frying pan from within her cloak, and twirled it. "I can't wait to use this."

So she sat there, waiting for the moment when Silk would have to leave the stage. As admittedly impressive some of the tricks were, Goldie had to remind herself that this entire thing was a fake. Jeff was an earth pony, Miss Whiskers' beard was a fake, the things that Tyrannosaurus Pecs lifted were actually really light and he was just wearing a muscle suit--the only thing she was sure was not a fake was Silk Shimmer, given she was casting a whole lot of spells. If anything, she seemed to be above average in magic ability.

Which would make it all the more sweeter when everything came crashing down due to her being missing.

Silk Shimmer made the rocks that Tyrannosaurus Pecs juggled larger, and she made hoops that Miss Whiskers leapt through with her now walking beard. Silk herself summoned a lot of doves, which formed into a flying carpet for her to sit on. As her "carpet" soared above the crowd, she blew kisses and pulled thornless roses out of her sleeve, tossing them to the crowd.

Goldie scoffed at this and rolled her eyes. You have some nerve showing off like that.

However, when Silk pulled out a long balloon and blew it up, she tried her best to twist it into a balloon animal... with her hooves. Of course, her attempts resulted in it slipping out of her hooves, and it drifted down to the audience. In a panic, she blasted it with magic. Instead of levitation, however, the balloon exploded into flaming confetti, much to the fright of the audience.

Alarmed, Goldie stashed away the frying pan, and took out a water machine gun instead. She quickly shot at every piece of confetti before she hid behind a support beam. She held her breath, awaiting the moment that somepony would find her.

A pause occurred instead, and while there was murmuring, it sounded as if they assumed it was part of the act. Goldie exhaled, and she rubbed her aching side. Things were getting a little too excitable for her, but why quit when she had a fraud to reveal?

Finally, the moment came when Silk Shimmer jumped off her dove carpet, and announced, "Well... uh... I hope you enjoyed my magic tricks! I'll be back later with more, so don't you fret!"

She hopped off the stage and trotted to the other side of the train. The unicorn sat down, took a deep breath and wiped her brow. Crossing her front legs, she grumbled, "Ugh, levitation! I messed simple levitation up! Oh, Celestia, I'm so stupid... no wonder Kazam's ahead of me in this business." She stood up and walked away, shaking her head. "And Party Favor would balk at what I did to that balloon..."

She unknowingly walked directly under where a certain party pony was perched...

CLANG!

Comedy Gold's leap was swift, and a frying pan knocked off Silk Shimmer's hat and met her skull before the unicorn even knew it. The clang produced a warped echo, and Goldie grabbed Silk's suit jacket and attempted to pull her away. But she quickly discovered that she had two problems.

One she found out when her side started to scream, with a harsh stinging sensation on her skin, while inside felt like a crocodile ripping her muscles and organs apart, radiating throughout her barrel. She found herself unable to get far in that kind of agony, so she plopped herself on the less painful side of her body, breathing through her teeth. She checked under her bandages, only to find a sight that wasn't very pretty. She groaned, now regretting not listening to Silver about taking it easy.

Her second problem came when she realized that Silk Shimmer hadn't been knocked out. She was awake, wincing from her throbbing head, and her blue eyes were giving Goldie a glower that was hardly lenient. In fact, she looked nearly ready to kill her.

"What'd you do that for?!" Silk snapped. "I didn't do anything to you!"

Goldie bit her lip. "Uh..."

Silk levitated the frying pan, and then tossed it away. "You've got some nerve assaulting me like that. What, you don't like me or something? You hate magicians? Or is this a weird way of asking if you could join our little crew?"

Goldie put her front hooves on the ground, and lifted herself up. Even though pain was gnawing at her side, she kept herself from crying out, only letting out a grunt between her teeth. Taking deep breaths, she growled, "Why would I want to join a fake circus and scam ponies?"

Silk's eyes widened. "How did you--uh, I mean, I don't know what you're talking about."

"What, you didn't think I saw you perform a cloudwalking spell on Jeff?" Goldie spat. "He ain't no wingless pegasus, he's just an earth pony! And I'm sure Miss Whiskers is just wearing a fake beard that's enchanted, and that those 'boulders' Tyrannosaurus Pecs are in reality, super light."

Silk scoffed. "Seriously? What proof do you have...?" Her eyes widened as it clicked. "Oooh, you were trying to expose them by taking me out of the equation..."

"You're obviously a powerful unicorn, you didn't need the help of those scammers to show your stuff. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got twins to destroy." Goldie snorted, and started her slow, agonizing walk. Her stomach was churning as she did so, and her world was slowly starting to spin. Pain radiated from her left to her right, and her hooves felt heavy. But there was no way anypony was going to stop her now.

Silk Shimmer hopped right in front of her. "Please don't tell anypony! I joined this troupe because I wasn't doing very well and getting overshadowed by my older brother, and the Flim Flams were helping me back up on my hooves! Look, I'll take you to the hospital in exchange for--"

"I don't need to see a doctor!" Goldie snapped. "Gosh, why does everypony insist on babying me?"

Silk Shimmer scowled at her. "I'm not babying you, I can tell that you're seriously in pain--stop being such a stubborn brat!"

Goldie attempted to shuffle around Silk. "I'm... not... in... pai--" She bumped into a support beam, and then she screamed. She was on the verge of both tears and collapse, but she was still keeping herself steady. She glanced at Silk, who was giving her a look of pity. Pouting, she grumbled, "Don't give me that look."

That was when they both noticed the Flim Flam Brothers strolling up to them.

"Ah, I see you're making new friends, Silk Shimmer," Flim said with a smile on his face.

Flam nodded. "And with that adorable little sister of Silver Shill's."

Silk Shimmer chuckled and said, "Yeah... in fact, I was just about to take her out for ice cream!"

Goldie scoffed. "I'm lactose intolerant."

Flim clicked his tongue. "There is no need to lie, girls. We heard poor Comedy Gold screaming in agony."

Silk's smile fell. "Oh... well..."

Flam waved a hoof. "Don't worry your pretty head, Silkie. We're feeling generous today, and so we'll gladly take your friend to the hospital."

Goldie snorted. "You can forget it, you poor excuses of ringmasters! You're just trying to butter me up so that you can get away with fooling audiences with those ponies just given a temporary superpower by your lackey here!"

Silk jumped, and whispered, "Shush, you! Don't let them know you're onto them!"

Goldie ignored her. "At least the showoff that got here first is doing genuine tricks and stuff, and is not lying just for profit. I have to say, as irritating as that wannabe cowboy is, at least he's a good party pony. Pfft, as if you can top one of those ponies, I should know, I'm one of 'em."

Flim and Flam glanced at each other, not quite impressed with her rant. One of them lifted his hat and pulled out a spray can.

Goldie continued, "Anyway, Silver was right when he said you were untrustworthy. It's a real shame that he had to work for you bozos just to--"

Flim nonchalantly sprayed her with the spray, and Goldie collapsed in a snoozing heap.

Flam shook his head. "Shame that we had to use the Spray n' Scape."

Silk groaned. "Guys, she could barely move! You didn't need to use it."

"She talks too much," Flim said. "Besides, we can't have her exposing our little secret, and it's difficult to convince a stubborn filly like that not to talk."

Silk put a hoof to her face. "Then what are you going to do with her? I don't know any memory removal spells, and even if I did, those have nasty side effects."

"Theoretically, if she had damaged anything of ours, we'd have to expect her to be able to pay us back..." Flim scratched his chin as a smirk came upon his face.

Flam nodded, the same smirk coming upon his face. "Yes, yes, either with money, or with her own hard work--though only after she heals from her problem."

They turned to Silk Shimmer. "Say, Silkie, you know any glamour spells?"

Author's Note:

Well... this chapter is... something.

Yeah, I headcanon Silver Shill as having three sisters--Platinum Pen, Pearly Whites, and Comedy Gold. Not sure if Penny and Pearl will ever appear, though. Probably will show them if I ever get around to writing a Silver Shill oneshot--and yes, I do have an idea for that.

Goldie's being kind of an idiot here, I know.

Lastly, the Spray n' Scape... came about by this video my cousin made with some classmates.
It's been deleted from YouTube, so have to link to it elsewhere.

Comments

[SageBrony07]

Oh no!!!! They are EVIL!!!!!!!

Thanks for the update. Great chapter.

[Glitter89]

This is why I love and hate the Flim Flam Brothers at the same time.

[Jordan179]

Comedy Gold is very obviously impulsive, passionate and perhaps a bit too aggressive and brave for her own good.

[FanOfMostEverything]

I do love Tommy pulling gags without even realizing what he's doing. Chewing is for the weak.

Not sure what the Flimflams are trying to do with Tommy. Maybe they hope to recruit a pony with an actual financial talent instead of one for apple-based get-rich-quick schemes? (Well, that's my interpretation of their marks, at least.)

Goldie, any plan that involves a pony falling through a cloud is a bad plan. I'd be disappointed in you if I weren't worried about your immediate future. Whether or not Silk Shimmer is willing to entrap another pony remains to be seen, as is whether or not the Flimflams will be able to get away with it. I'm thinking they won't on that second one, though I'm stumped as to how they'll be exposed.

[howard035]

I'll be honest, I'm stumped here as to how the FlimFlam brothers are being villainous. Their sinister plan is to set up an entertaining circus and ask for donations in exchange for providing fun and laughs for the entire town all day? I guess it's kind of deceitful that the bearded mare is a fake and the "strong man" pony is lifting fake weights, but I kind of assumed that was true of every circus ever in real life as well... The circus is roughly as fake as the average magician show "sawing someone in half."

I think the Flimflam brothers just generate an aura of sleaziness that injects a rotten vibe into everything they do. Where others walk, they slink. Where others plan, they scheme. They could find and sell a real genuine miracle tonic that cures all diseases and turns everypony into an alicorn, and it would still be a shady conjob because they are the ones selling it.

I also want to say, I feel like you really nailed the FlimFlam brothers' dialogue when they were talking to Tommy. I could hear their voices in my head clear as day.

[ChaoticKindness]

I can't wait to see the next chapter, whenever it's finished! (no rush, I know as a writer that these things take time ) You are seriously one of my favorite writers of all time, fanfiction or not.

I'm always so happy and excited whenever this story shows up under 'unread chapters'.

[Godslittleprincess]

Oh, crud. Tommy, Cheese, Silver, DO SOMETHING!