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Twilight isn't feeling well, and unfortunately, that's all anypony knows. Her best friends try to understand, but even they are at a loss. That is, until a petty theft of Twilight's personal diary leads them on the track they least expected.
Art by: up1ter
Featured on: Equestria Daily
I really didn't have any expectations going into this story, but it turned out pretty good. Not intensely deep, but the emotions of the characters were strong enough to feel in a slightly personal way, and the ending was fairly good. I noticed that "quietly" or "quiet" was repeatedly misspelled as "quite" or "quitely," which wasn't bad, it just threw me off a few times. I think that the actions of the characters could've been a bit more intense. While I don't usually like people who write characters to be over-dramatic, I felt that you underplayed a lot of reactions. Specifically Applejack, with her continuous 'little reaction, we just need to push on' attitude. Overall, a good story that shows plenty of writing potential, but isn't amazing in itself. 
>>524182 Yeah, it's not good. I know. I hammered though, so I'll let my sober self cry about it in the morning. Honestly, my writing isn't that good, but thank you for the input. And no, it's not amazing. It's bad, I haven't a clue why you say it's good. No, it's bad. It's bad and I should feel bad.
Anyways, I'm going to pass out on a couch. Once again, thanks 
I have DID. This is not DID.
I'm not sure whether to feel insulted or pity you. I may not handle it like anyone else (really, seriously, I handle it weird), but it sure as FUCK is not emotionally draining this often. Also, there is a nonexistent possibility of Twilight getting DID. It usually comes from abuse as a child or, like with me, traumatic experiences and loneliness.
Oh. I guess people do handle it in different ways. That... I mean... it makes sense, even though from experience it's not what I would assume to be true. 'Cause, you know, I have friends with other disorders (it's a bonding factor), and two I know have light schizophrenia. They've scared me and my mates a lot, with their... well, shit they do.
What I'm trying to say is that this isn't what I would think of as schizophrenia. It makes sense, it just isn't... I'm rambling. Sorry.
All right people, I've got a huge hangover, so I'll try my best to be polite
>>525239 Well in the Author's Note (I don't know if you've read it) I said that this was a fair bit extreme. Normally, those with schizophrenia don't behave like this. To be more extreme would force me to push onward to violence. But schizophrenia is different for each person it affects, which is true for all disorders. I think I hit the facts well, even if I didn't exactly portray them well. But to be fair, it's hard to accurately portray a mental illness, at least it was for me. This story was my attempt to do such. It didn't exactly work.
>>527112 Haha, thanks. But I don't think I'll do it again. The quality of this story is...pretty down there.
>>527570 Thank you. To be blunt, though, I regret this fiction.
Lynked wanted a story that was a lot better than this, but everyone already loves it.
I love it too, although I did catch the odd typo.
I think, when Lynked says he doesn't like it, this is actually good news.
Because this means Lynked has high standards for his work.
If this level of story is something considered poor of him, then I have the first person I'm going to fully watch, because when he produces work he considers of quality, that's something I wanna see.
>>524182 That's fair. I see where you're coming from, and you have my thanks for not blowing a fuse about it.
Though could you please elaborate on the Applejack issue a bit more. I plan to go and fix a few things, but I don't quite understand what you're saying.
Also, thanks for pointing out the quite/quiet issue.
And I honestly don't even remember replying to your comment before, so can we just pretend it didn't happen?
Interesting, but as you stated in your comments, it is an extreme case of schizophrenia; this made me not think about schizophrenia until the last minute. I'm glad you didn't go with Manic-Depressive Psychosis (Bipolar shit), because I have that and I'm not one to dilly dally with self delusions.
Still, one of the first symptoms would be the "nulling of feelings". Twilight wouldn't feel anything towards anyone; real or not. She wouldn't feel happy about Morning Dusk nor sad when her friends "abandoned" her. Actually, social isolation is a pretty common (if not mandatory) symptom of schizophrenia.
I tip my hat to you for writing this. Extra points because of the (somewhat) correct understanding of mental pathologies. But this story was pretty straightforward. I mean- it's not bad, it's just... predictable, I guess? You start reading and the moment you see 'Morning Dusk', bingo- you nail down that she's fucked up.
Still, I think this is a good story; definitely different than the average bunch (even tough its very straightforward; but I think you made this on purpose).
Thumbs up.
[Edit] I read your comments and I have to say that, in the mental pathology department, you did pretty damn good. Not 100% accurate, but you missed the bullseye by a few inches.
And now I'm left wondering... how do you know so much about mental disorders?
It was nothing huge, but it seems like Applejack is kind of detached in her reactions, as are some of the other ponies. Instead of being surprised/disgusted with whats in the text, or even appearing truly scared by them, its a constant "thats what we were expecting, its hard but lets keep reading to find out more so we can help Twilight" like reactions. You have bits and pieces of emotion from the characters, but it seems like they're reserved. It could be that you were aiming for "they're so scared that they aren't surprised at this point," but it just seemed a bit much. I mean, if I was reading the diary/journal of a friend who had been acting odd, and in this diary I saw things that clearly showed mental instability as well as dangerous delusions, I wouldn't be thinking/saying to my friends; hey, its not like we didnt know this already. Lets keep looking to help her. It seems like that line is repeated many times, rather than have each character (Applejack was my example because she seemed to talk the most) give a real/individual reaction.
>>529254 Thanks! You have a good point there; that's an important factor that I think I've left out completely.
Also, predictability was actually something I was struggling with when I wrote this. I was aware that the first entry would hit the nail on the head, but I couldn't quite grip how else to start it. That said, once again, I was drinking 
As for my knowledge; I'm...not so clear in my own head. It's been about three years I think. And at the beginning of it all, I did some fairly extensive research that actually kept me up a good many nights.
>>529257 I'm not sure, I guess I was just bored. I honestly only remember writing about two-thirds of this. I was sober when I started, but it's amazing what a bottle and a half of wine can do. It wasn't pretty when I was at the end of the fic. By then I had some Smirnoff and chocolate liquor in me too. Bad night....
>>529360 That's a good point. I'll have to fix that 
Thanks for the elaboration; that's a pretty big problem with the fic I see.
>>529457 It's an extreme case of schizophrenia.
That was pretty good. From what ive read and hear of other fanfics in this site i thought twi was gonna murder her friends and drop their corpses in the pond. Thank god ur not that kind of writter or atleast hope u arent. Its seems that ur putting ur work a bit down too. Probably becuase u do ur best, which is pretty good, but always think u could of done better. I like to over analyze things. Keeping this in my book marks.
July 7-
...Who am I? Who am I really? I don't feel like myself. I'm not seeing through my own eyes anymore, I'm looking though them...I feel so sick, but I don't. I don't feel at all, but I feel everything. Where are my thoughts? Why are they everywhere? My mind feels so empty, but there's too many thoughts to think.
Should it be "through"?
Ho... Holy hell. What... What even is this.
You, my dear Writer, have done the amazing; you created a story that actually portrays everyone well, and has a non-canonlike plot that is completely plausable.
As for you drinking during this, I can't say I agree with it, but I've met people that can preform far better is certian things while drunk than they ever could sober, so i see how you managed this. I wouldn't recomend it again, but amazing job.
As for the sonic fine-tooth comb(criticism), i can only echo those critics before me. The characters weren't perfectly nailed, namely AJ. She simply needed more, and may the Great Gods of Writing forgive me for saying this, but she needed to be more dramatic. For example, a more dramatic reaction to the events described in the diary.
But I digress. I'll sing nothing short of praises for this one-shot. Please, keep up the amazing work.
-The Librarian
I have actually gone through a very toned-down and drawn-out version of this over the passed six and a half months. It's scary, especially when you have no friends to help you, and you're not sure about laying your problems on your family. In times like those, I wish I had m friends back; and the bronies can only do so much.
~Jack
Thank you author for sharing this.
*Statue Discord chuckles merrily in his petrific prison* Silly Twilight. Did you think I couldn't touch you? Did you think the Elements would rid you of every trace of my taint? No no no, the Elements can only remove what's foreign, what something evil has planted within you. As with Luna, so I did to you. I only nourished the seed of what was there to begin with! *his silent chuckle turns into manic laughter, and though not a sound is heard, the mere force of menace is enough to scatter a number of birds who'd come to roost* And oh! Look at how it blossoms!
And the growing season has only just begun...
Well, this story was much more interesting than I expected seeing the discription and at first I expected Twilight's illness to be the side effect of Morning Dusk helping her when her friends were busy and leaving afterwards but after the point where she mentioned Morning Dusk being quiet during her visit I started to suspect that Twilight's new friend was either a ghost who caused headaches due to proximity or a halucination and then when more of her symptoms started to appear I figured it out.
Either way, the story itself is interesting and even a bit sweet towards the end, the characters were well written and I love that you differentiated schizophrenia, bi-polar and disociative identity disorder (being someone who has been reading psychology textbooks since she was a little filly, it's always been a pet peeve of mine when people confuse the three) and it works both as a story and on a techinical level.
The one nit-pick I have is that the disorder you gave to Pinkie was bi-polar disorder when the closest thing to a depressive phase that we've seen from her was due to enviromental factors and in general the shortest you can expect either phase to last is a month and a half (maybe attention dephisate hyper activity disorder....) but that's a minor issue. Good Work. 
>>573599 Yes, thank you for pointing that out
>>573687 Applejack's personality was very hard to pull off in this story. I'm not sure why 
As for Pinkie being distractable, I meant for her to be like that. I hope it wasn't too odd.
>>573823 Wow, thank you! This is actually my second or third time writing something hammered, though Hah, but even still, I agree with you. As I said above, AJ was a hard sucker to pull off here
>>573997 While it may not be much, you have my condolences and best wishes.
>>574587 That's... genius... 
>>575714 I know how you feel. I actually know people with all three, and coupled with my odd liking of psychology, I find it easy to differentiate. Though it seems that - for the people that don't - that there's a lack of basic research into the topic of mental disorders.
When drafting up Pinkie in this story, I knew it was a bit misplaced to give her bi-polar disorder. Though, at the time, I was in a haze; it was all that came to mind And honestly, while it's not a perfect fit, it's fair. Though true, your suggestion would probably have been better.
Thanks for the review, and the kind words
I was expecting demons too 
This one's not gonna be one of my favourites but I enjoyed reading it at least. I particularly liked Twilight's Journal entries, they wanted me to find out what was going on! However I'm slightly disappointed it was merely a breakdown and not something otherwordly... but that's just me.
I also feel the characters culd've come across a little clearer as to who each of them were. I felt their personalities weren't as distinct. Also, I'd be careful of discribing hair so much in a fanfic as that can be seen as.. well... "fanficcy" if you get what I mean
I'm not trying to complain or anything though, Im trying to critique.
I liked Fluttershy's portrayal though. I felt maybe the others were treating her a little too much like she was made of glass and might break but I liked how Fluttershy herself spoke and behaved so kudos on that!
>>576351 That's fair enough. I see what you're saying with the characters. And, to be honest, I agree. I found them...dissatisfying. It really irks me, even now Though I don't understand what you're saying about the hair.
Don't worry, you aren't complaining. This is useful; I always appreciate a well thought critique
Ah, I'm glad I at least go her right. Thank you!
>>576488 I feel like there wasn't much sincerity in that. Mainly the 'that's everything to it'. Let's be fair here and say that sure, the characters were a bit off balance. Did I miss them completely? No. In fact, I hit them well enough to be above many other writers on the site, however unfair that may be to say. I don't mean to gloat, but please don't say that just because I missed the characters by an inch or so that the story was bad. You haven't even said anything about the story, only that the characters were off (which, as I said, they aren't really that ooc)
I can take constructive criticism. I do, however, have a serious dislike for comments that point out one (small) flaw, and say that the story is bad because of it. Please, if you insist on telling me where I've gone wrong, either also tell me where I've done well, or explain what else is wrong with the story.
Nothing against you personally - in fact, thank you for reading it and taking the time to leave your comment. Just, next time, please tell me more, that's all I ask.
what i ment with "that's everything to it" was that what i said about the characters is the whole reason why i didn't like the story - not that that's eveything there is to the story iteself. it was probably not the right way to say it, so i'm sorry for that. It was just cause my english is not flawless, its not my native language
about the story: i always look closely at the characters in all fanfics cause for me that's the most important part - i feel like that if you write about characters from a show then they have to be exactly like the characters in the show. your fanfic is almost certainly one of the better fanfics overall. Whether its "good" or "bad" all depends on where you place the scale. since there is so much that you can read, for me only the best fanfics are worth the time, which is why i only ready fanfics that are featured on equestria daily. So if i say i that i don't like this fanfic it just means that i feel its significantly worse than most of the other ones featured in eqD, cause they're all so good
and about where the characters are off - there is no specific moment in the story. its just that if i read this i don't feel that the "real" characters would act and respond the way they do it here.
>>576724 I see. Well, to be fair, this wouldn't happen in the show at all, so there's no real way to tell. I do, of course, understand your position and respect it. As for all fiction on EqD being good...I can't say I agree. Almost half of the stuff I see on there I graze over. But that's a personal preference, and I don't judge
I can also respect that English isn't your first language. I hold no bias on that.
However...calling my story significantly worse than most on the sight is quite the blow, my friend. I think you should take a step back there and re-evaluate the situation. It is you personal opinion, and once again I understand and respect that as well. But I disagree. I'm the author, and therefore my opinion may be biased, but I doubt that mine is of the worst on the site.
This was more interesting than I thought it would be. Then again, this reminds me of my days playing Dark Fall: The Journal, Myst, and other games like that. Rooting through sock drawers to read journals and piece together a story in a point-and-click adventure was always fun for me, haha. So, that made this story a particularly good match-up.
I did like, by the way, that you never explicitely had Moon in the ROOM or anything. Completely embracing madness would've made it campy. This was truly an illness, and you can definitely tell it in the details. You weren't going for supernatural or imaginary friend, this was a legitimate schizophrenia case. Well done, I gotta say.
Rarity was especially spot-on, too. 
~Cleff
I am actually a long time sufferer of chronic depression. And man, this story really touched my heart. Too bad I don't have anyone in real life here for me, but it feels good know that they are people out there someone that are wishing the same as me; to have someone understand. Thank you for that reminder. Take care.
Is it not said that those who laugh the loudest have been hurt the most? This ending was spot on. I expected the scene, expected a climax, then Pinkie. I felt humbled. I like how you're channeling fanon (or perhaps just my personal headcanon) with a Pinkie who has faced and surpassed a personal crisis, and a sensible Rarity who naturally leads the group when Twi is otherwise engaged. I felt Celestia's absence, but hey! She didnt help with Nightmare Moon or Discord either. I enjoyed - thank you
Here's the part where I say I liked your fic, except I don't. Don't get me wrong, it was entertaining, and a great insight into the mind, both Twilight's and the general public's, tho I'll admit I first thought of more mystical things than a mental illness. I was scared she might end up burning her library, too.
I didn't like how you portrayed Pinkie. Even if she was bipolar, it felt off character. Everypony else was fine, I'd say, although I do wonder why was Spike not included on the mares' plans.
The ending, too, felt off-tone. Sweet as it was, it was rather anticlimatic. I'm not sure I liked this so much, but I did enjoy the read.
>>722445 Sorry. Didn't mean to offend you. What I meant was more along the lines of I enjoyed the reading, but it wasn't pleasurable the way a happy fic is. I'll try to mind my reviews better and not to insult anyone without meaning. Once again, I'm sorry if my carelessness with words hurt you.
>>725397 I dislike it because it's sad, and because the ending seems a bit rushed. It's like 90% of the fic is building for the climax, and it's solved just like that. Of course, the Twinkie scene is really sweet, but somehow, doesn't fulfill what I had hoped.
Don't worry about the content part tho. The premise is really good. Schizophrenic Twilight is a first for me, and you developed it really good. Like I said, it's the finale I have problems with
WOW. That was fantastic. There is literally nothing I could possibly say against that piece. The atmosphere was perfectly composed through the writing and specific choice of words, along with character actions. All of the characters stayed true to their tone, which is one of the things that will pull me out of a story the quickest. (In fact I noticed there were certain parts where the writer had multiple ponies talk in a row with no narrative interjection to identify them and I still knew who was saying what) The author kept the reader intrigued throughout the entire story, and he definitely finished the reading with the perfect finesse that I love to see in short stories.
I'd give this a 10/10 a thumbs up and a favorite. And I hope that Lynked continues to write fantastic entertaining stories such as this one.
And by the way SkyWalker I can see the point that you're making but fact is that it was a short story. You can only have so much content in 6000 words. The way I see it was not an entire story made to build up a non explosive climax, but story that allowed you to understand the problem get the reader in the situation with the characters, and create an atmosphere so that when the main confrontation happens you actually feel something. As for the non-climactic ending, schizophrenia is REALLY freaking weird to deal with. While I was working construction I worked alongside a huge black guy in his forties named herbert. I had worked with him a long time and he always seemed a little 'off'. One day me and another worker, scott, were just talking and herb comes running into the half finished room and yells "WHAT THE FUCK IS HE SAYIN ABOUT ME!" before we could say anything he goes on this whole rant about how scotts always tellin him to suck his dick and other nasty stuff. Then out of nowhere he swings at scott (a 5'10 little white guy) I try to hold him back he swings on me, scott takes the opportunity to scramble into the yard. Herb catches him, throws him to the ground, and heavily beats him for a good 30 secs. My dad (360lb. contractor) has to run out from the house and tackle herb off scott. As soon as my dad pins herb to the ground he starts bawling, like really all out sobbing. My dad drags herb inside his car and drives him to the psychiatrist and I drive scott to the hospital. Herbert now is living in north carolina with his mom. Who he hates
. Anyways what I was saying is that he turned from I violent manic with a vengence to a crying victim of a psychological disorder in about 20 seconds. Twilight can have her moment.
Wait... So, Pinkie hugs Twilight, and she's good-to-go again? So Twi relaxes when she realizes Pinkie's not a threat (and never was). But she's still suffering whatever psychological ailment (we can only assume it's what the others concluded). You kinda left us hanging here. What happens to Twilight? Does the princess find out about her problem and call her back to Canterlot for treatment? Does she stay in Ponyville and get help? Does she gradually lose it completely until she finally can't function at all anymore? 
>>904933 "... but fact is that it was a short story. You can only have so much content in 6000 words."
Yes, it's a short story. However, even a short story has to have an introduction, plot, climax, and conclusion. The only difference between a short story and a novel-length story is that a novel-length story is told in multiple acts while a short story has only one act.
This story had no conclusion. It had a short introduction, an okay plot, and a good climax, but there was no conclusion. The author could have easily added a proper conclusion in a couple hundred words. I really enjoyed the story up until the end. Because of this serious technical flaw, I'm forced to give the story a thumbs-down.
>>1326969 Well its your opinion, so I'm not upset. Though, I ended it just how I wanted. The point was, there is no 'conclusion'. The point is that there is more Twilight has to overcome, though with the help of an empathetic friend, things are looking manageable. Yes, I could have written something like, "And then Twilight got help from Celestial thanks to her friends, and everything was better." But you should be able to build that conclusion yourself. This story had a point to make that sometimes the best friend is the least expected of them all, and it did just that. That was the point. Therefore, this story did indeed have a 'conclusion'. Hope that clears things up.
Also, while I don't agree with how you judged the story, thanks for the comment!
I really liked this fic; I have a friend who has Multiple Personality Disorder/Dissociative Personality Disorder, and this reminded me a lot of them, in mannerisms, discovery, etc. I don't know that much about schizophrenia, but I'm sure you wrote it fairlly accurately. I also liked the way you wrote the story to hint that Morning Dusk was in Twilight's head, but not outright explicitly say it until all the ponies realize it at the end together.
Kudos on a great oneshot, even if you were drunk at the time of writing.
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I have thought about adding a bit more, but it seems like that would deflate the mood 
Alcohol just isn't worth it. 
but it's very well written. Nice job!
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