Author's Notes
[Special thanks to Fresh Blood, AwesomeSauce57, and the reviewers down at Ponychan. Check those guys out. They've done much for me, and deserve some more attention.]
Well, my own 'Morning Dusk' finally convinced me to write this. It may have helped that I am drinking, but either way, it made it's way to a word processor. Now before I get rambling, I'll just say that I wrote this for myself more than anything I've done before I think. And damn I feel better. All right, onward then.
Schizophrenia. That's what that was, but more to an...extreme, we'll say. That was very much extreme, and I'm well aware of it. I think the only way for me to amp it up any more would be to make her violent. For those of you who don't know, violent schizophrenia is an extreme.
Now I assume you people want an explanation for Twilight's crackdown? Well, the awful excuse that used to be here was deleted because I've gone back and actually done something about it. In fairness though, what you read was correct. It's causes and symptoms. Also, for those who don't know, voices affected people hear don't always tell them to go murder their lover/friend/second cousin twice removed. Sometimes it's actually a rather productive thing, like it was at the beginning of Twilight's diary.
Onto the ending. I had planned for there to be a huge argument. Words were going to fly, then at the end, Pinkie would pull her little caress. But then I got drunk. Oops.
And besides, ending's (especially this one for some reason) aren't my forte. I try, don't get me wrong. But they're pretty tricky to pull off.
Speaking of being tricky, Pinkie's personality is a pain to try to pull off correctly for me. Now so more than ever, because of how she was in the fic. It makes me a bit worried, actually, because she's one of the best ponies, and I felt like I haven't done her justice.
Also with this fic, I jumped the psychological-journal bandwagon. Why? Eh, I felt like it. It seemed like a good idea, so I hope it all worked.
All right, because I'm still drunk, I think it's a fine time to say that I appreciate the time you took to read this, and thank you. I hope this was at least fair quality-wise.
Art by: http://up1ter.deviantart.com/
[Sober Edit] I'm sober now. I don't know if that's necessarily a good thing or not, but it is what it is.
After a reread, I found that I didn't quite like how I portrayed any of the characters with the exception of Rarity, Pinkie, and Twilight. Also I see that a few of the sentences are a tad bit jumbled. Maybe I'll fix them later. And, because now I'm feeling good about this story for some reason, I think a rewrite may be in order to fix these problems. If not, then certainly some screwing around with the internals of the story.
If you think this wasn't that great of a story (I'm not drunk and brooding now, so I'll not be ragging on my story, because I rather liked it) then I urge you to tell me why. Input can only help, you know.
[Edited Edit] I've gone back and done a tiny bit of tinkering with it. Like I said, I really like what I've written here, so I'm doing my best to fix it up.
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524182 Yeah, it's not good. I know. I hammered though, so I'll let my sober self cry about it in the morning. Honestly, my writing isn't that good, but thank you for the input. And no, it's not amazing. It's bad, I haven't a clue why you say it's good. No, it's bad. It's bad and I should feel bad.
Anyways, I'm going to pass out on a couch. Once again, thanks
524219 Are you o.k., maybe you should take it easy for a few days?
P.S. Are you serious about drinking or are you just making up an excuse?
Judging by the NO thumbs down, and 36 thumbs up, we'll have to say your story was awful. *Sarcasm*
525957 *cough* 38 *cough*
As for the story, it was written really well. Maybe you should drink before you write a story every time...
No, you shouldn't, drinking's bad, mmkay.
Drunk and wrote a one-shot fiction, not even My second cousin Half-Removed could do THAT, Bravo and hats off to you sir. Too bad I have no hats to off in honer of you.
aww come ON! you were drunk and were able to create a story that amazing? I want to see how well you write without being all *drinky-drinky*. I bet your writing is even better!
525104 Excuse? ouch.
But no, I'm not making an excuse. I spent the night on the bathroom floor. Needless to say, life sucks.
And what do you mean, Am I okay? I mean, I understand the question, but not why you asked.
All right people, I've got a huge hangover, so I'll try my best to be polite
525239 Well in the Author's Note (I don't know if you've read it) I said that this was a fair bit extreme. Normally, those with schizophrenia don't behave like this. To be more extreme would force me to push onward to violence. But schizophrenia is different for each person it affects, which is true for all disorders. I think I hit the facts well, even if I didn't exactly portray them well. But to be fair, it's hard to accurately portray a mental illness, at least it was for me. This story was my attempt to do such. It didn't exactly work.
527112 Haha, thanks. But I don't think I'll do it again. The quality of this story is...pretty down there.
527570 Thank you. To be blunt, though, I regret this fiction.
527869
Stop putting down your story. It's good, and you should feel good. You tackled a difficult subject (a severe mental disorder) with elegance and emotion. Not many writers could pull it off well.
Lynked wanted a story that was a lot better than this, but everyone already loves it.
I love it too, although I did catch the odd typo.
I think, when Lynked says he doesn't like it, this is actually good news.
Because this means Lynked has high standards for his work.
If this level of story is something considered poor of him, then I have the first person I'm going to fully watch, because when he produces work he considers of quality, that's something I wanna see.
Interesting, but as you stated in your comments, it is an extreme case of schizophrenia; this made me not think about schizophrenia until the last minute. I'm glad you didn't go with Manic-Depressive Psychosis (Bipolar shit), because I have that and I'm not one to dilly dally with self delusions.
Still, one of the first symptoms would be the "nulling of feelings". Twilight wouldn't feel anything towards anyone; real or not. She wouldn't feel happy about Morning Dusk nor sad when her friends "abandoned" her. Actually, social isolation is a pretty common (if not mandatory) symptom of schizophrenia.
I tip my hat to you for writing this. Extra points because of the (somewhat) correct understanding of mental pathologies. But this story was pretty straightforward. I mean- it's not bad, it's just... predictable, I guess? You start reading and the moment you see 'Morning Dusk', bingo- you nail down that she's fucked up.
Still, I think this is a good story; definitely different than the average bunch (even tough its very straightforward; but I think you made this on purpose).
Thumbs up.
[Edit] I read your comments and I have to say that, in the mental pathology department, you did pretty damn good. Not 100% accurate, but you missed the bullseye by a few inches.
And now I'm left wondering... how do you know so much about mental disorders?
527828 I was worried that you were actually drunk in real life. If that's true then why are you writing fanfics and not passing out or losing your train of thought.
529290 Missclick.
529145
It was nothing huge, but it seems like Applejack is kind of detached in her reactions, as are some of the other ponies. Instead of being surprised/disgusted with whats in the text, or even appearing truly scared by them, its a constant "thats what we were expecting, its hard but lets keep reading to find out more so we can help Twilight" like reactions. You have bits and pieces of emotion from the characters, but it seems like they're reserved. It could be that you were aiming for "they're so scared that they aren't surprised at this point," but it just seemed a bit much. I mean, if I was reading the diary/journal of a friend who had been acting odd, and in this diary I saw things that clearly showed mental instability as well as dangerous delusions, I wouldn't be thinking/saying to my friends; hey, its not like we didnt know this already. Lets keep looking to help her. It seems like that line is repeated many times, rather than have each character (Applejack was my example because she seemed to talk the most) give a real/individual reaction.
529254 Thanks! You have a good point there; that's an important factor that I think I've left out completely.
Also, predictability was actually something I was struggling with when I wrote this. I was aware that the first entry would hit the nail on the head, but I couldn't quite grip how else to start it. That said, once again, I was drinking
As for my knowledge; I'm...not so clear in my own head. It's been about three years I think. And at the beginning of it all, I did some fairly extensive research that actually kept me up a good many nights.
529257 I'm not sure, I guess I was just bored. I honestly only remember writing about two-thirds of this. I was sober when I started, but it's amazing what a bottle and a half of wine can do. It wasn't pretty when I was at the end of the fic. By then I had some Smirnoff and chocolate liquor in me too. Bad night....
529360 That's a good point. I'll have to fix that
Thanks for the elaboration; that's a pretty big problem with the fic I see.
529457 It's an extreme case of schizophrenia.
528678 527977 Thanks!
530170 Indeed, that sounds awful. No need to apologize; it's perfectly fine. I can't say I know how you feel, but either way, I wish you luck
That was pretty good. From what ive read and hear of other fanfics in this site i thought twi was gonna murder her friends and drop their corpses in the pond. Thank god ur not that kind of writter or atleast hope u arent. Its seems that ur putting ur work a bit down too. Probably becuase u do ur best, which is pretty good, but always think u could of done better. I like to over analyze things. Keeping this in my book marks.
Read this on fanfiction.net and enjoyed it.. friendship is indeed the best ship
550277
Thanks! I agree, to be honest. Friendship is best ship.
546623 Thank you! Though your analyzation is pretty much right.
And why do you think it's ironic that Pinkie was most helpful? Pinkie is best pony.
Ho... Holy hell. What... What even is this.
You, my dear Writer, have done the amazing; you created a story that actually portrays everyone well, and has a non-canonlike plot that is completely plausable.
As for you drinking during this, I can't say I agree with it, but I've met people that can preform far better is certian things while drunk than they ever could sober, so i see how you managed this. I wouldn't recomend it again, but amazing job.
As for the sonic fine-tooth comb(criticism), i can only echo those critics before me. The characters weren't perfectly nailed, namely AJ. She simply needed more, and may the Great Gods of Writing forgive me for saying this, but she needed to be more dramatic. For example, a more dramatic reaction to the events described in the diary.
But I digress. I'll sing nothing short of praises for this one-shot. Please, keep up the amazing work.
-The Librarian
I have actually gone through a very toned-down and drawn-out version of this over the passed six and a half months. It's scary, especially when you have no friends to help you, and you're not sure about laying your problems on your family. In times like those, I wish I had m friends back; and the bronies can only do so much.
~Jack
I liked it.
I would like to see something from Celestia and Twi's family point of view.
This was a good read, thanks for posting it. I'd love to know more about the situation, if your creative juices flow that way again. If not, it stands well on its own too.
Take care,
Juan Garbanzo Bean
RULE DISCORDIA!
573599 Yes, thank you for pointing that out
As for Pinkie being distractable, I meant for her to be like that. I hope it wasn't too odd.
Hah, but even still, I agree with you. As I said above, AJ was a hard sucker to pull off here 
573687 Applejack's personality was very hard to pull off in this story. I'm not sure why
573823 Wow, thank you! This is actually my second or third time writing something hammered, though
573997 While it may not be much, you have my condolences and best wishes.
574587 That's... genius...
574835>>575233 Thank you
I have thought about adding a bit more, but it seems like that would deflate the mood 
did you at least like it, or was there something wrong?
575538 So is your comment
575714 I know how you feel. I actually know people with all three, and coupled with my odd liking of psychology, I find it easy to differentiate. Though it seems that - for the people that don't - that there's a lack of basic research into the topic of mental disorders.
When drafting up Pinkie in this story, I knew it was a bit misplaced to give her bi-polar disorder. Though, at the time, I was in a haze; it was all that came to mind
And honestly, while it's not a perfect fit, it's fair. Though true, your suggestion would probably have been better.
Thanks for the review, and the kind words
576351 That's fair enough. I see what you're saying with the characters. And, to be honest, I agree. I found them...dissatisfying. It really irks me, even now
Though I don't understand what you're saying about the hair.
Don't worry, you aren't complaining. This is useful; I always appreciate a well thought critique
Ah, I'm glad I at least go her right. Thank you!
i also think that you missed the characters which is why i don't like this story. that's pretty much everything to it
576488 I feel like there wasn't much sincerity in that. Mainly the 'that's everything to it'. Let's be fair here and say that sure, the characters were a bit off balance. Did I miss them completely? No. In fact, I hit them well enough to be above many other writers on the site, however unfair that may be to say. I don't mean to gloat, but please don't say that just because I missed the characters by an inch or so that the story was bad. You haven't even said anything about the story, only that the characters were off (which, as I said, they aren't really that ooc)
I can take constructive criticism. I do, however, have a serious dislike for comments that point out one (small) flaw, and say that the story is bad because of it. Please, if you insist on telling me where I've gone wrong, either also tell me where I've done well, or explain what else is wrong with the story.
Nothing against you personally - in fact, thank you for reading it and taking the time to leave your comment. Just, next time, please tell me more, that's all I ask.
what i ment with "that's everything to it" was that what i said about the characters is the whole reason why i didn't like the story - not that that's eveything there is to the story iteself. it was probably not the right way to say it, so i'm sorry for that. It was just cause my english is not flawless, its not my native language
about the story: i always look closely at the characters in all fanfics cause for me that's the most important part - i feel like that if you write about characters from a show then they have to be exactly like the characters in the show. your fanfic is almost certainly one of the better fanfics overall. Whether its "good" or "bad" all depends on where you place the scale. since there is so much that you can read, for me only the best fanfics are worth the time, which is why i only ready fanfics that are featured on equestria daily. So if i say i that i don't like this fanfic it just means that i feel its significantly worse than most of the other ones featured in eqD, cause they're all so good
and about where the characters are off - there is no specific moment in the story. its just that if i read this i don't feel that the "real" characters would act and respond the way they do it here.
576724 I see. Well, to be fair, this wouldn't happen in the show at all, so there's no real way to tell. I do, of course, understand your position and respect it. As for all fiction on EqD being good...I can't say I agree. Almost half of the stuff I see on there I graze over. But that's a personal preference, and I don't judge
I can also respect that English isn't your first language. I hold no bias on that.
However...calling my story significantly worse than most on the sight is quite the blow, my friend. I think you should take a step back there and re-evaluate the situation. It is you personal opinion, and once again I understand and respect that as well. But I disagree. I'm the author, and therefore my opinion may be biased, but I doubt that mine is of the worst on the site.
576767 To everyone who wanted demons...there you go.
Though I'm generally very biased against drunken people, what you wrote here was much more interesting than I hoped it would be.
Alcohol just isn't worth it. 
But please, if you need to get wasted to write such a fic, do not write that often.
I am actually a long time sufferer of chronic depression. And man, this story really touched my heart. Too bad I don't have anyone in real life here for me, but it feels good know that they are people out there someone that are wishing the same as me; to have someone understand. Thank you for that reminder. Take care.
609557 Of course
I actually wrote the fic because I needed a little reminder of my own.
606351 Well I didn't start wasted, I just ended up that way
Thank you though!
Wow. This was very emotional. I really like this story, it's so sad
but it's very well written. Nice job!
613731 Thank you
I always appreciate kind words.
556480 cuase she seems the less stable. The one who needs help is the one helping.
636206 Ah, that would make sense
I see where you're coming from now.
Sir, I have advice: drink more. Please?
668962 You don't have to tell me twice. Though, writing fiction while drunk is extremely, gruesomely, death-defyingly hard.
Well, maybe that's an overstatement, but it is pretty hard when everything becomes funny for no reason.
670127
I understand. Cannot overstate the number of gdoc replies that amount to "are you drunk-editing again?"
But you seem to have a damned knack, and I'm a happily terrible influence. Have some whiskey!
Is it not said that those who laugh the loudest have been hurt the most? This ending was spot on. I expected the scene, expected a climax, then Pinkie. I felt humbled. I like how you're channeling fanon (or perhaps just my personal headcanon) with a Pinkie who has faced and surpassed a personal crisis, and a sensible Rarity who naturally leads the group when Twi is otherwise engaged. I felt Celestia's absence, but hey! She didnt help with Nightmare Moon or Discord either. I enjoyed - thank you
Are you going to make a sequel explaining Pinkie's disorder and treatment for Twilight?
676146 Probably not, I think it's complete. Any more and the mood may plummet.
Here's the part where I say I liked your fic, except I don't. Don't get me wrong, it was entertaining, and a great insight into the mind, both Twilight's and the general public's, tho I'll admit I first thought of more mystical things than a mental illness. I was scared she might end up burning her library, too.
I didn't like how you portrayed Pinkie. Even if she was bipolar, it felt off character. Everypony else was fine, I'd say, although I do wonder why was Spike not included on the mares' plans.
The ending, too, felt off-tone. Sweet as it was, it was rather anticlimatic. I'm not sure I liked this so much, but I did enjoy the read.
703211 Here's the part where I pretend the way that was written didn't hurt, but I can't.
I understand your points, and thanks for reading.
Please, try not to sound so insulting though.
722445 Sorry. Didn't mean to offend you. What I meant was more along the lines of I enjoyed the reading, but it wasn't pleasurable the way a happy fic is. I'll try to mind my reviews better and not to insult anyone without meaning. Once again, I'm sorry if my carelessness with words hurt you.
724474 It's fine. I had had a long day yesterday
I understand your points with the story, but I'm a tad bit confused. Do you dislike the story because it isn't happy, or because the content is poor? I'm not sure which.
725397 I dislike it because it's sad, and because the ending seems a bit rushed. It's like 90% of the fic is building for the climax, and it's solved just like that. Of course, the Twinkie scene is really sweet, but somehow, doesn't fulfill what I had hoped.
Don't worry about the content part tho. The premise is really good. Schizophrenic Twilight is a first for me, and you developed it really good. Like I said, it's the finale I have problems with