• Member Since 10th Dec, 2014
  • offline last seen Oct 18th, 2015

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I cannot believe I'm doing this, but I'll do it anyways

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Source

Granny Smith has always been an important part of the Apple family. She had helped raise Applejack, Big Mac, and Applebloom, and she has been there for every part of their lives. When she dies, the three ponies have a difficult time coping with their loss.

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 3 )

Aside from ending a little suddenly, a well written little piece.

I couldn't find any gramatical errors, but some areas could get a little love in being fleshed out a bit. For example, when Applebloom first says 'You Jinxed it," there may be more dialog, more information on how AB thinks about it all: "It's her fault... She jinxed it."

Flesh out the ending a bit, and it'll be golden.

Again, excellent job.

-Hyari

5393103

Don't mean to sound rude, but how should the ending be fleshed out? I can understand wanting to flesh out Applebloom's thought processes, and I will get to that.

5393109 Honestly, it could just be another chapter of AB adjusting to life without Granny. While the last bit of the story works really{/i] well, there just needs to be a little bit more to it.

If you want to try a new chapter, or just editing in a new half-chapter, consider starting with something lie "AppleBloom woke up the next morning feeling like a little bit of the weight had been taken off of her back. She opened her eyes to see a tussle of hay-yellow hair in her face."

From there it could be as simple as "AJ, sorry I've been so mean the past couple days," yaddayadda something about something special Granny used to do for AB when she was a foal. Put in detail where you see fit, and call it a day. You could even have a solid cal back to the end of the chapter, and have AB end the story by falling gently asleep, with tears of remembrance instead of sadness, smiling at all the memories they shared.

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