Jadec Silver is somehow transported to a far away land full of freaky magical ponies in the middle of the night. How he got there remains a mystery, but whats more troubling is how to deal with living there. If feet-first was the only option then get ready for a long stay.
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A small Chapter mishap at the beginning. Chapter 2 is where Chapter one should be and vise versa.
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There are quite a few spelling mistakes nothing major though and the story is moving a little fast.
But other than that. This is pretty good
Please continue, I like this story and you got my green thumb and favorite. That's kinda funny about the chapter 1 and 2 mishap.
Couldn't help but laugh at the "I am man! I bring food!" thing.
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to many spelling errors for me to enjoy
i will track this to see where it goes but the spelling...
FIRST!
SECOND!!!
dont know why there are dislikes...i mean sure it is WAY too fast but some of this just makes me laugh and laugh
THIRD
FIFTH...wait.. FOURTH!
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also,
troll.me/images/frankenstein-its-alive/its-alive-thumb.jpg
epic finish XD
Anyone who doesn't care to check their grammar and check their spelling does not care about the story they write. I prefer my authors to care about the world they weave and the words they write.
That was.....interesting ta' say the least but I'll follow for now ta' see where this goes
thrid weirdest hair if your talking real life what's the weirdest hair you've ever seen?
It's an interesting premise, but it's not very well written. Work on that mah boi.
533693 what are yah gonna do?dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Twilight_Sparkle.png
542449
Down vote and move on. There are too many stories that deserve readers for me to waste my time with someone who doesn't care about their own.
543278 Im going to tolerate this and let you move on with a little something.
I might not have the best spelling, but that doesn't mean I dont care about my story. I can agree it was way to fast and messy, but dont say I dont care about it. Get over yourself.
As for all the people who have been reading this and have been giving me real advice, thank you. I'll start writing more soon.
543841
If you feel that strongly about your story then why not put the extra effort into it? Why not find a pre-reader? There are groups dedicated to that on just this site alone. From my prospective, you may legitimately be writing a good story and care about it, but the spelling errors are amazingly jarring.
I didn't just randomly stumble on this story and decide to say what I did. I came here because the premise interested me. You want constructive criticism, get an editor/pre-reader, fix the spelling and grammar, and that will do a ton to improve yourself as an author. If you don't, then the people who will want to help you to get better will just assume you don't care because 9 times out of 10 what I just read is a huge red flag for someone who is just 'cashing in' on the latest fad.
Words are great and all (and that goes for me too) but actions speak louder. If you decide to clean it up ever, PM me, throw it in my face and I'll come back and give it a real review and be happy to eat crow.
543854
lol wut?
yea i think u ment "we'll". Oh and "be happy to eat crow." I get that you obviously want to help him out but...happy to eat crow? what does that mean?
(Like what refference? What saying?)
But I really think your point of view is flawed. Yes he can do better with someone proof reading but he doesn't have that luxury. The fact that he was able to get it mostly right is impressive and I know you wouldn't be capable of understanding how much time and effort he ACTUALLY put into this story because...Looked at your page...NO STORIES. So keep your comments to yourself. especially if you can't relate to your argument.
544054
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eating_crow
Also nice ad hom. Just because I haven't written doesn't mean I can't have valid points. I haven't written pony fanfiction but that doesn't mean I haven't written. While I may have been too harsh in my words earlier there is no need for personal attacks. It reflects poorly on all of us and degrades the quality of your own arguments.
I am trying to point out why going "oh well" when the author's spelling problems are so bad when there are resources available to get that taken care of. A lot of them would be caught by a simple spell checker. Brony-dom is beginning to evolve as a fandom. The days of just being able to put up any sort of story and have people eat it up because "it's MOAR ponies!" is long gone. Even EQD has revised what they're willing to put up with showing that things are changing, hopefully for the better. If we want to grow in a positive direction then we're going to have to help raise standards everywhere.
We, as a fandom need more people to be critics, editors, proofreaders not less! When I finally publish the story I'm working on I want people to tear into it with a vengeance! To point out every last mistake, error and problem I have. All authors should strive for that because how else will they improve?
Anyway, I think we are detracting from Jack Knight's story at this point. If he thinks I'm wrong and doesn't feel it's an issue then nothing you or I say will change that. If he's right he'll get a lot of accolades and show that what I think (and what /fic editors think) is important for a story is perhaps outdated.
And to prove that I'm serious about wanting this fandom to grow, if you are interested in having me edit/proof read your work just shoot me a PM Jack. I'm working on 4 other projects right now but I'm willing to put a couple off a day or two to help you out.
544100
Thanks for the offer but I actually already have someone doing that. (I'm pretty busy so we can't talk all that often) And yea I did act somewhat impulsively because I felt that a fellow writer was being...well attacked. But again I have to disagree with some of your counter argument. Any spell checker...Is flawed. It doesn't know how to properly place words for your purpose so it uses a default template...(am i saying that right?) Well I know spell check fixes your misspelled words but it at times causes some of the grammer errors. Though it can be a very useful tool if used properly. (I'm guessing you already know this...writing it anyway) So it is understandable why someone would choose not to use it if they are confident in their own writing capabilities.
Degrade the quality of my arguement? -.-
kinda mad...but what ever. I can deal with that constructive criticism.
544188
Huh? Are you an alt account for the author? I was offering to edit his work. I didn't know you had written anything. I was attempting to "put my money where my mouth is," so to speak with him.
544204
No I'm just...Defencive....I guess. And I don't know the Author.
so the first thing you do after finding you're immortal is to jump out of a massive building. seems legit!
If i was in Equestira and told i was turned immortal by one of the princesses.. I have no idea how I would really take that news..
Am I really the only one who noticed that Luna said "code lyoko"? 'cause I loved that show. Too bad that I can't watch it nowadays.
552076 I knew someone would find that eventually
SAXTON HAAAAAALLLEEE!!!!!!
short..........NEED MORE
BRING THE EPIC
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the little girl... she want's your soul
526802 now turn that into a 16 year old man carrying a bear with a bloody leg
EIGHTEENTH
when no one answered I thought he slept for a few million years! 560269 where did you get that vid
Yes. Yes you are.
Also, FIRST!!!
573766
all you have to do to find it is go to "google images" and type in "evil little girl gif"
and it should be in the top row
2dayblog.com/images/2011/march/550x-fail-bomb-demo.gif
"IT DIDN'T WORK!! RUN AWAY!!!!" - wuss guards
umm...Ok being honest. I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE MAKE THE MADE UP CHARACTER TOTAL DUMB ASSES!
I totally would have gone the rout of "Oh just wondering how ponies put cloths on without any hands." Or "I got bored waiting around for you to come by so I decided to make a bon fire Trollface.JPEG"
ok maybe not that last one but I KNOW YOUR STORY HAS TO HAVE SOMETHING FUN OR WHAT NOT...so we can laugh at character.
but. I was just...
but I love a good human in Equestria story so I'm sticking around.
578398
you never disappoint me :)
578878
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It's what I do
552076
I feel your pain
The dream thing is most unlikely but not impossible. I had it three times. Never met the person or seen them and Igot names and face and look em up and there they were.
578878 Thats the thing. In this story, he is supposed to be dumb. Hes a high school student with bad grades. I never found it very intresting or realistic when the I read a fanfic about a human in Equestria and the only people that ever got teleported there were either rocket scientists or very well off back here on Earth :P
579253
well ok but I'm in high school too and...No one is that dumb. that's mainly my only problem. other than that its pretty good. besides why would ponies worry about someone going through their cloaths anyway? they often don't even wear them.
he trolled Trollestia so hard she had a mental breakdown...
as an immortal and a being quickly gaining more and more power he shall now receive his new role in the land of Equrestria
ladies and gentlemen, I present the new
futirinhas.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/god-of-trolling.jpg
618699
I'd worship that
you should start naming the chapter to make it more interesting
the horny one??