Octavia Melody hid this for years. She is a demon-succubus born in Tartarus and sent to Equestria after her father saw that she was not bad enough, and sending her to Equestria, her father thought she would be a real demon and practice her succubus skills. He was wrong. After many years she maintains a normal life, hiding her identity from everyone, including Vinyl Scratch, her girlfriend. Everything was perfect, till her father, the Lord of all demons, and her mother, the Queen of succubi, makes a visit to the “world above”. She only knows one thing about it: She’s screwed.
Editing by the great VitalSpark and the amazing God of Physics! Give them hugs!
Art by the great megarexetera, used with permission.
Now with Youtube Reading by CaptainBron3y! Get it!
The plural is Succubi.
Interesting concept! You have my attention !
Oh, you meant your Inner Demons. I thought it was cool as I have a story with the same name, but eh.
I'm gonna check yours out though. This looks really cool.
I FUCKING KNEW IT! I FUCKING KNEW IT! I KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING WRONG IN HERE! FINALLY ITS HERE!!!
I think I'm going to enjoy this
Edit: I was right!
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I am going to love this. Great start.
A succubus is a type of demon, so the whole 'she's half demon that's also a succubus' bit is redundant. Also, holy run on sentences Batman. More periods and semicolons, less commas.
Honestly, just get an editor.
Wait, what was Octavia's mum called? Queen
I see a boss cover art. This'll be in read later for sure.
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Did you mean Tartarus?
Interesting start. Will see how this turns out.
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IT NEEDS MORE!
5722155 Wonder how many people thought of that when they read that(/those) line(s).
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The twist, Vinyl is also a vampire! The two dark queens of the night end up joining forces and conquering Equestria, bringing eternal night in a way Nightmare Moon never could! With sick rave parties!
Good ma'am I have a simple but serious request for you MOAR
um that is if you can
5723111
By making it up. lol I've been yelled at for making predictions like that before in the comments though so I made it hidden to avoid that again.
My interests have been sparked.
Nice, very nice.
need next chapter so good
Well, you definitely have a character for Octavia down, and you seem to have Vinyl's character portrayed pretty well through the results of her actions (like Wub Wub). You have a very interesting looking plot set up so far. I'm very interested in seeing where this goes.
My only gripe with this is the grammar. You got plenty of improperly used commas where you should have instead used periods, and you have a couple of points where what your characters are saying are being placed at the end of paragraphs rather than in their own like they should be.
should instead be formatted as
Still, the rest of your grammar is good enough that your errors don't interfere with my overall enjoyment of your story. If you could fix those errors, I'd enjoy it more, but I am still able to enjoy it as it is.
5722827 Nope nope nope, I had enough Vampire Vinyl. Thank you. (Really, I love My Rommate is a Vampire, Blood and some other Vampire Vinyl fics, but whe will change a little, shall we?)
5725401 I'll change that and try to improve Octavia's personality.
5724784 Good good.
5724959 5723246 Chapter one is already done! Vital will be editing it for me!
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Hey if it ain't broke don't fix it! :D Haha, yes it's a welcomed mix up. I wonder though what will come up if their lack of mutual immortality is ever mentioned though.
I actually had an idea for a story of this very subject. where Octavia never takes off her signature bowtie because a binding spell has been written on the inside, which allows her to keep a fairly normal human (or pony, if that's what you prefer) form.
This is such an amazing idea
ITS DERPY, YEAH
I'm hype for this story and mlp season 5 of course
Nice chapter
never heard these nicknames for Tavi before and they're pretty damn funny
20/10, just for those
5729268 Well, my job is done there.
5727485
5729263
5729243 Derpy always can bright up someones day! Okay, so I got you hype? Wow, I never did that to someone!
Said guardian angel is an actual guardian angel.
And so it continues.
5729356 Damn it, now I'm expecting that.
Hell?
Already been there and back, literally.
5729518 Said guardian angel who is not a guardian angel is actually a guardian angel who thinks she is a guardian angel but is fallen due to losing her halo, but turns out her marefriend is using her halo for light in their living room and tries to act evil, but said "fallen" guardian angel forces winning lotto tickets onto the homeless.
5729664
Hahaha, I know someone has been reading the same manga as me!
5729725 Jitsu Wa Watashi?
5729664 *MIND BLOWN*
5729731 MIND FUSE!
Can't have you not reading the next update now, can we?
Those nicknames
They made me laugh, very clever. Keep up the good work!
Hype for chapter two
5729767 I thank you, now I can keep writing on Hooves of Ice.
5729844 Good!
Would you mind following me? Join My Blog Posts Discussions!
AND SORRY TO THE AWESOME WRITER WHO IS WRITING THIS AWESOME STORY THAT I REALLY WANT MORE OF THIS STORY SO PLEASE DON'T BE ANGRY AT ME!
Wait so bonbon is an angel but then why isn't she a Pegasus?
5730024 Wait wait to see it...
5730089 uuuugggghhhhh. Fine
Looks very interesting
Nice FNaF drop
5729730
Yes, yes indeed. I wish I could find a cool-lady vampire bride for myself :(
5731551 I like cute tsundere's myself!
Sure, I'll follow this! Great so far!
Ha ha, nice James Bond reference there.