Rick has been a shy and seclusive person of humble growth ever since he came to Equestria, much like in his previous life back home. However, when Twilight invites him to the Grand Galloping Gala in the hopes of getting him out of his seclusive shell
Brightlight24, normally I am not very threatening, but if this story is not continued for at least five more chapters I WILL find you. That is not a threat, it is a promise.
5283395 "I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. What I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you write five more chapters, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you." "Good luck."
Hmmmm... the social anxiety route eh? This served as a good intro chapter, though I'm sure the entire story won't take place in a journalistic point of view. Either way, I like what I see.
Thumbed, favorited and followed. I want to see where this goes.
About the only thing that stands out is some of the wording. Twelve minutes seems oddly specific, for example, and a lot of the narrative is worded curiously given that it's being written in a journal. Mostly stuttering, pauses, that sort of thing. They work for the spoken word, as though he were using a Quick-Quotes Quill (TM). In a journal, that hesitance to write should
No, that's not right, how do I
Might look better expressed through cutoff statements, possibly strike-through used to good effect, like you used at the end.
Ultimately it comes down to styling and personal preferences, and as the author of a story that carries great promise, you should decide what looks best to you.
Good. One of my concers is what, twilight buying him a house? That's crazy. Souls maybe be some explanation of that here, or in the future. Like it was abandoned or condemed, or celestia told her to. Otherwise, I'm interested and looking forward to more!
Alright, we'll bite. Kinda odd he totally skipped the whole shebang of being confused and lost in a whole new world, but I figure we can fill in the blanks easily enough. Keep going! ;)
Eh, this character was definitely made in the extreme. I'm sure this was on purpose, but I just can't relate to this character. He's so far to that end of the spectrum that I'm having a bit of a hard time suspending my disbelief while reading. Not badly written over-all, just not my cup of tea I suppose. I wish you the best! :D
Too… many… ellipses… to… continue… reading. Seriously, simplify your sentences, keep them short and sweet, and end them with a period. Makes for a much better read.
>tfw my name is rick I..I don't stutter t-that much..dawg. I'm not a chinese cartoon. Interesting though, I'll give you that, I honestly haven't read very many stories where the main character is sort of meek and nervous instead of yeah bruh ima get dat horse pussi.
5334394 trances and hypnosis can help with that, of course the down side is you run the risk of a very bizarre form of multi-personality disorder, but it's really not that bad once you get used to it, and has some upsides. So overall we would recommend it.
While on th exact opposite side of the spectrum, I most certainly can relate to this. I'm one of those who is a rather big recluse, staying indoors and just not socializing in general...at least, not in public. Online socializing is a lot easier for me, but doing it in public...well, let's just say my reaction when in large crowds is rather similar to his. Anyways, I'm not trying to say that your wrong and that he isn't a relatable character, but at least I can relate to him. Maybe it's not that much, but I just felt like saying it.
Yay first comment anyways this looks good i going to read it
Great so far
I already feel sorry for him. Mainly because of the snobs he will encounter.
This is really kind of you, thank you for writing this on your own accord. *hugs*
I can't wait for more!
I'm liking this so far. good job!
I wanna know~!
Can you show me~!
short chapter, liked it though. looking forward to it
stay classy
5281768
XD Omfg!
Rick's too much of a Fluttershy clone right now for me to like him, but I'll keep reading.
This is the only chapter that you are going to put it like a journey or all the story will be like that?
Brightlight24, normally I am not very threatening, but if this story is not continued for at least five more chapters I WILL find you. That is not a threat, it is a promise.
5283395
"I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. What I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you write five more chapters, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you."
"Good luck."
An interesting perspective. I think I'll enjoy this story. Keep up the good work.
Hmmmm... the social anxiety route eh? This served as a good intro chapter, though I'm sure the entire story won't take place in a journalistic point of view. Either way, I like what I see.
You have my attention, and I await more.
I am interged I shall follow for now and see what happens next.
5284736 "Interged" I think you mean intrigued.
5286444 yes indeed thatscwhat I meant
5286701 "thatscwhat" Don't you mean.....
No... must... resist... the Urge! Must... not... become... a Grammar Nazi!
Ah, who am I kidding? Father was and English Professor with a PhD and my brother is a English Major.
It is "that's what," or "that is what."
Heil! Grammar!
5286758
Oh the irony. XD
5286758 you sound like one of my friends she's a grammar nazi as well but the truth is
I am a bad speller.
Thumbed, favorited and followed. I want to see where this goes.
About the only thing that stands out is some of the wording. Twelve minutes seems oddly specific, for example, and a lot of the narrative is worded curiously given that it's being written in a journal. Mostly stuttering, pauses, that sort of thing. They work for the spoken word, as though he were using a Quick-Quotes Quill (TM). In a journal, that hesitance to write
shouldNo, that's not right, how do IMight look better expressed through cutoff statements, possibly strike-through used to good effect, like you used at the end.
Ultimately it comes down to styling and personal preferences, and as the author of a story that carries great promise, you should decide what looks best to you.
Good. One of my concers is what, twilight buying him a house? That's crazy. Souls maybe be some explanation of that here, or in the future. Like it was abandoned or condemed, or celestia told her to. Otherwise, I'm interested and looking forward to more!
i dont care for grammar all Nazis must die ill be there lead because i dont use grammar this what i look like when im happy
s2.quickmeme.com/img/3b/3b6ceec525559d91f62918118b15e4c84c361fdc8ae4cdb7af7f7de07491cc25.jpg
My name is rick...and I would eat this man alive and screaming.
Interesting... I like it.
Alright, we'll bite.
Kinda odd he totally skipped the whole shebang of being confused and lost in a whole new world, but I figure we can fill in the blanks easily enough.
Keep going! ;)
Eh, this character was definitely made in the extreme. I'm sure this was on purpose, but I just can't relate to this character. He's so far to that end of the spectrum that I'm having a bit of a hard time suspending my disbelief while reading. Not badly written over-all, just not my cup of tea I suppose. I wish you the best! :D
Too… many… ellipses… to… continue… reading. Seriously, simplify your sentences, keep them short and sweet, and end them with a period. Makes for a much better read.
5281768 XD
5281768 If someone were to make a music video involving Rick and Celestia to this song, I would probably have a heart attack
Tried to read this, but ellipses galore forced me to stop.
>tfw my name is rick
I..I don't stutter t-that much..dawg. I'm not a chinese cartoon.
Interesting though, I'll give you that, I honestly haven't read very many stories where the main character is sort of meek and nervous instead of yeah bruh ima get dat horse pussi.
A person with anxiety issues? Very interesting. And the first pony to introduce themselves was Pinkie...poor guy. Let's see how this goes.
Only half way through, but this guy has some major issues. Is he a recluse or something?
5334394 trances and hypnosis can help with that, of course the down side is you run the risk of a very bizarre form of multi-personality disorder, but it's really not that bad once you get used to it, and has some upsides. So overall we would recommend it.
5334394
While on th exact opposite side of the spectrum, I most certainly can relate to this. I'm one of those who is a rather big recluse, staying indoors and just not socializing in general...at least, not in public. Online socializing is a lot easier for me, but doing it in public...well, let's just say my reaction when in large crowds is rather similar to his. Anyways, I'm not trying to say that your wrong and that he isn't a relatable character, but at least I can relate to him. Maybe it's not that much, but I just felt like saying it.
This isn't Rick Sanchez. I'm out.