Gloom and Doom

by casualbrony10

Silence

Author's Note:

I recommend listening to this as Erebus/Gloom rampages across Equestria, personally I think it sets the atmosphere. I did not create it nor did I post it to youtube, I simply found it. I'm not claiming anything I am just recommending to listen to it.

Twilight looked around at her friends as they shook off the disorientation from the long distance teleport.

"Celestia, Luna, Discord!?" She called, but there was no answer. A bright light shown in the sky and they all looked in wonder. Never before had the Sun and Moon shined so brightly. They hung side by side in the sky, flaring as their light pushed back the darkness. SNAP SNAP SNAP! The sound of loud frantic snapping echoed across Equestria, it was the sound of Discord snapping his claws only a thousand times louder and coming from all directions. All of them felt the massive energy generated in the North, where the Crystal Empire was. It was like electricity in the very air.

"Is that them? The princesses and Discord?" Rarity asked, her eyes wide as her horn tingled.

"Holy smokes, alright princesses! If we can feel that from all the way over here they must be really strong. Maybe they'll beat Erebus!" Rainbow explained hopefully.

"Don't be so sure, do you feel the 4th energy?" Sunset looked shaken. Then they felt it, the power of Erebus drowned out all the others. It was like a cold wind biting to the very bone. The Sun and Moon dimmed and faded, the snapping stopped. After a moment, the celestial bodies hung motionless in the heavens, the Moon was barely visible as a dark rock. The Sun was a dim orange color, like a dying ember. There was no snapping, only silence, and still Erebus unleashed his might.

"Whoa, does everyone else feel that?" Twilight said, her horn almost vibrating as it reacted to Erebus' magic from a distance.

"Feel that? I think I can taste that!" Pinkie was twitching and vibrating all over, "Ewwww, dark magic tastes terrible, worse than trashcan cake!"

"Now ah can't sense stuff very good, but ah can feel that, what the hay does that mean?" Applejack asked.

"It means we're gonna die," Spike whimpered.

"No, it doesn't matter how strong he is, we can still win, we have to," Fluttershy said quietly but forcefully.

"I can't feel them anymore, they're gone," Tears were in Twilight's eyes.

"They bought us time, c'mon, we should go to the Tree of Harmony. That worked last time with Tirek and we definitely need it's help, unless anypony else has a better idea," Rainbow started to glide towards Everfree and everypony followed. Twilight lingered for a moment, staring at the dead celestial bodies and listening to the silence, then she turned and followed.

Erebus was ecstatic, the ancients trapped in the heart along with all the crystal ponies. He had beaten them easily, he felt invincible. Now all he had to do was kill that tree and his victory would be complete. He began to move South towards Everfree. Wait, Tirek came close to victory, so did Chrysalis, so did the Nightmare, so did Sombra, and Sunset, and Discord, and the Sirens, even the plunder-seeds nearly killed Harmony. All of those times he had thought for sure that harmony would die and he would be free. Every single time they still lost at the last possible second. Harmony had a disturbing talent for pulling victory from nothing. He had to be absolutely certain. He had to make sure that his power was unbeatable. There was still one way to increase his might further. Erebus grinned and flew off towards his destination.

(Best place to start music)

Manehatten was in chaos. The strange display of the sun and moon, the loud noises and large concentrations of dark magic, what was happening? All communication with Canterlot, Ponyville, and the Crystal Empire had been cut off. Police forces and the royal guard were desperately trying to prevent a panic. Then a shadow fell across the metropolis. And enormous monster of black crystal loomed over the city, rising out of a massive cloud of smog, dwarfing the skyscrapers. With a great pulse of shadow a wave rolled across the city. Ponies caught in it vanished as they were pulled into it. The shadow then retracted back into the creature, drawing everypony kicking and screaming into something glowing within its chest. In a matter of minutes Manehatten, home of thousands of ponies, was silent and empty. The monster moved on.

Spitfire barked orders as she rallied Wonderbolts and volunteer pegasi around Cloudsdale. They were in the process of evacuating, scouts had confirmed the Canterlot, Ponyville, the Crystal Empire, and Manehatten had been overtaken by an unknown enemy. The princesses had gone silent, the sun and moon had gone dark. Spitfire had seen combat before, after all she was captain of the Wonderbolts and commander of Equestria's pegasi air force, and part of that experience was knowing when she was completely outmatched. If something was powerful enough to take 4 cities in mere hours, then there was nothing her forces could do against it. She hoped that they would hear something from any of the 4 princesses or the royal guard, but until then she was in command. Then a shadow fell across Cloudsdale. An enormous cloud rose up from the ground, every cloud it touched turned black. The cloud buildings of the floating town became dark and twisted. The last thing Spitfire saw was a massive wave of shadow barreling towards her.

Braeburn stood alongside the chief of the Buffalo in Appeloosa. An enormous monster casually walked across the desert towards their town, it could be seen for miles in the flat desert. The ponies and bison of the small frontier town had gathered in the center. They knew there was no point in running or fighting, not against that. It was Discord and Tirek all over again. Braeburn looked up at the tall buffalo.

"Well partner, looks like we're up a creek with no paddle, you got any regrets?"

"None my friend, I go to my ancestors and the spirits, you?"

"Me? Nah, want ta share one last hard cider with me? It's the good stuff from the saloon, no point dying sober."

"Eh, why not?" As they finished that final drink a wave of darkness roared across the little town.

Fillydelphia, Trottingham, Baltimare, Las Pegasus and more fell to Erebus. He also returned to Canterlot and Ponyville to absorb the ponies there. Those poor ponies, barely free from their trances and already subject to a new nightmare. The power of the dark heart grew with each new soul trapped within it, and as it grew Erebus forced the cracks in his prison ever wider, forcing Harmony to expend more and more energy to keep the dark titan down. Now that all of Equestria was trapped within the dark heart and Gloom's body, Erebus gleefully turned towards Everfree, eager to finish off the bearers of harmony and the good spirit herself.

Comments

[Ixion]

This is a very poorly written story. The feelings feel forced. The dialogue tends to be wooden. Too much tell, no show. Your understanding of the characters is limited to the superficial. The edge is soooo sharp. When ever this Erebus shows up, I want to yell, "lookout, we got a badass over here!" This guy just screams "EEEEEVVVVVIIIILLLL!!!!" and not in a good, well built villain way. He might as well eat babies and use a power that hurls burning kittens at people.

[casualbrony10]

7369979 At last some good criticism, thanks for the input. I was somewhat aware of the problems you mentioned, but was unsure how bad they were or how to correct them. I've read good stories and bad stories and I know that mine is among the bad, although maybe not the worst. I honestly don't spend a lot of time on this and do it as a minor hobby. This story is almost finished (about 3 chapters left) so I probably will not be able to fix it as a whole, but anything I learn from writing this story I will use in my next one. I may also go back and rewrite some of this story once it is done. Will you please look at my short story The Waste. No one has commented on that and short stories have a different style and thus need different criticism. Much appreciated.

[krazykidfannumber2]

Only one thing to say about this. FK!!! FK!!! FK!!!