Lance Hardwood
Joined 21st Apr, 2012 ·
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This is my first attempt at writing clop, so please give feedback.
I'd like to explain the character tags, just so those of you looking for specific characters aren't confused or disappointed: Twilight will remain the viewpoint character, but she will be encountering all of her friends, as well as Discord, again. I will be adding one more character once he/she is encountered, as the addition now would constitute a bit of a spoiler.
Again, my first time writing clop. I don't normally go for these sorts of things, but an outline suddenly came together in my mind. No amount of effort could make it go away.
502229 I don't read that much clop, but seeing as you asked for feedback, I thought I should comment anyway. I can't see any spelling/grammar mistakes, so it's all clear on the technical side of things.
My personal feelings on this story? Well, I'm not a massive fan of clop, and tentacles aren't realy what I'm into (I leave that to Japan!). Even so, I managed to read this chapter all the way through, which is a rare occurance for me, as, like I said, I don't ussualy read clop fics. In all, I think this is a pretty good job for a first attempt. I probably won't track this story, but you can have my thumbs up nonetheless.
please continue the story as i can't wait to find out what happens next.
this is going on my watch later simply for the epic cover pic
Can't wait to see what happens next! You did great on writing your first clopfic!
Just one question: Is there going to be more clop in this story?
I don't really like clopfics but I really like this story!
More plz
503770
There will be more clop, but it will be gradually increased. Gotta work up to the climax, you know.
503647
My thanks.
503658
Oh, don't worry. This story idea has been stuck in my brain for far too long to NOT continue it.
........ Im reading this only because of the closeness to my account name, on the upside it aparently promises sex and strageness from discord so win all around..... ya no maybe
505570
Very fair, and all useful points. I'll try to work on all of that in future chapters. To be honest, I was rather worried about the swearing, and it seems it didn't play well. Oh well. Lessons learned.
I'll definitely try to get more into description. I see your point about that. My writing tends to be somewhat terse, probably thanks to my small background in journalism; we're "all tell, no show" there.
Thanks for seeing enough promise to leave feedback and continue to follow. It's nice to see I'm not alone in liking tentacle on pony action.
it'll be interesting to see where this goes,
Dark? Don't you mean Comedy? "Help, Twilight, I'm starting to like it!" Who says that?
507644
Comedic relief =/= a comedy tag
I'll laugh when Discord reveals he only gave back the horn to her.
Gee, let me guess. Those are actually her friends, she thinks they're fakes, and is going to let the monsters impregnate them, and do nothing about it until it's to late. Is that about the gist of it?
517287
Gee, let me guess. You like feeling clever and superior to everyone by acting smarmy on the Internet while using the wrong form of "too". Is that about the gist of it?
all of them are obviously the real element bearers and Discord is just a sick bastard who's a great deceiver... giving Twilight back her powers and saying he did the same to everypony else.... but even HE can't be everywhere at once and Twilight calls them fakes as:
a. in RD's case, she was letting herself get raped; the problem here: Twilight wanted to get raped after having her first taste which means that those tentacles have some form of mind-wipe
b. Discord can easily hide data from everypony
and c. Discord is a master troll who doesn't want to be returned to a stone prison, so he's ready to trap the ones capable of doing that in any way
hey.... look at that, at the end it will either be: Twilight is the only one to reach the end of the maze, at which point Discord will tell her that they were her true frends or Twilight is the only one to never reach it if those were nothing more than illusions for each element bearer (which are different depending on their fetishes and stuff)
517375 Nope. But I did hit the nail on the head, right? lanteanboy's got it figured out, too.
517985 WHOOP!
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Oh, and you're writing a dissertation on a
and this seems to be your fetish. You must feel so proud of yourself.
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517985
518155
I love you both for entirely different reasons.
518170 Let's spread our manly love across the interwebs!
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Woo Hoo!!
518205
WHAT THE FUCK IS A HYPERBOLE? I DON'T GET IT!! And what the hell is a joke?!
518249 Someone that use google! MY ONE WEAKNESS! NOO~!! Not the wiki page! Anything but that!
Oh, and:
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518314
GASP!! You mean, this is a place where you can comment on any any fanfic you want, and sometimes someones opinion is different?! It can't be! Nothing like this has happened on the internet before!! How dare some people not like a fanfic!! AUGH!!
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518386 Hey, you do know what a hyperbole is! Oh, and once again:
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518415
Going by your comments and a simple background check. You're a troll who hates clopfics. Have fun with your inferiority complex, condescending attitude and need to rely on images and GIFs to illicit a reaction, not hard to see why everyone doesn't take you seriously, oh well. Ta-ta!
518833 Yep, I'm such a troll and hate clop fics SO much, that I even Favorited some! Wait...
Have fun grabbing at straws and making shit up, stalker! It's like you're trying to put me on the defensive, and change the topic or something! But, then this is the internet. I'd have an easier time getting a holy paladin to level 69 while you and your father performed it on each other than getting a intelligent response. If you really need to give anyone advice, teach your dad how to work your balls without biting. Or better yet, choke on each other so you can at least bring some joy to some bored obituary writer.
I don't hate clop fics, I hate how serious some people take it. I'm also a reviewer, and clop fics (and grim-dark) fanfics are so beyond silly, and are easy to rip apart. If you did a proper background check (holy crap, am I becoming infamous?!), you'd know that I'm also a riffer, not that you would know what that is.
518940
Hmm, I upset you. Goody.
I just took a brief glance at your profile page and your comments here, I suppose background check was an exaggeration. Nonetheless, you're gone ahead and proved your immaturity by insinuating that I fuck my own father.
You might be a reviewer, but you're obviously a very bad one.
519096 Tells me of my immaturity, begins reply with
And it seems that I was right about people (you) taking your tentacle rape clop fics so seriously that you think you need to defend it's honor. How cute. And learn what a joke is, by the way. Like this one: Your words have the tiny, impotent sting of someone whose asshole is considered a workout machine at the local gym. If you take that serious, evaluate yourself. Really.
And if we're going to be imagining each other as things, you're the candy stripper who has to wash me. While you hungrily change my gigantic diaper, one of your probing sponge strokes finds the skeleton of a cat in one of the meat pockets between my armpit and seventh love handle. It was your cat, missing for weeks. In that moment you realize you never gave yourself a chance to cry. You sob like what your people call a poof, and I take a bite out of your stupid fag arm. The doctors can't save you because surprise: You were a fucking pussy the whole time.
And seeing as people add me to their watch list simply because I'm a reviewer, your little tiff is invalid. And seeing as I made the author of this story laugh and he didn't even like the guy that was defending him, I think you're taking this way to seriously. How can someone that left a comment like this:
518191 get under your skin so easily? And you're defending this clopfic. Yeah, I'm not going to take you seriously, not that I ever did.
519166
I haven't even read the fic actually for the record. I'm not defending it at all, just looking to get under your your skin and hey presto it's working like a charm!
Your insults speak so much about you. Such butthurt and vitriol!. You've been trolled darling.
519198 Oh, you.
I've been bamboozled! I have seen the light!!
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Oh God, my eyes!!
You know, with all these replies, I could've written a fanfic instead. Oh well.
Internet arguments among bronies. Buck yeah.
Hope both of your lives are complete.
As for the story... not my cup of tea, but heck, people seem to enjoy and the writing is above average, so, bravo, Sir! Keep up your good, perverted work, I guess!
Well then. First clopfic I ever read. I hope you're happy for spoiling the genre for me, because I seriously doubt the rest of it is this good.
i am sorry but it is clear what the end could be, there is a few different endings it will be....
1) they are all real and twilight let her friends be raped half to death and possibly impregnated, kind of grim....
2) they are all fakes, they seem so real, TOO real
3) this is all in her head and non of it happened or a dream/nightmare
4) does not matter if they are real or not, twilight gives up and turns into a fuck slave
5) some cheap twist on the other 4....
I am going to wait for the ending and see which you did, i may be wrong and you might make a ending which surprised me which would be awesome, real or fake its too painful to see them getting raped like this...see you at the end!
520676
Clearly, I am the god of clop.
Lay your horsedicks before me in tribute.
(Anyone who takes any of this seriously needs to re-examine their lives.)
Twilight's interaction with Dash made Twi disloyal. Her interaction with AJ made her dishonest.
Do I see a pattern here?
Loving the premise to the whole thing, and the execution even more. It's hot as hell. It may follow a linear pattern, but I don't think it suffers for that. I actually think it's enhanced by it.
I don't know what everyone going on about Discord plays by his own rules sure but he doesn't cross them though so i do believe the first RD was a fake now AJ ehh theirs no reason to assume Discord told AJ about the return of wings and horns since it didn't directly effect her so she may have been real this is actually pretty interesting both for the tentacle clop (Pony hell here i come) and for the "whats really going on here" factor.
527402
If you'll forgive my pretentiousness for a moment, I've always thought that one of the elements of great tragedy was being able to see the tragic hero(ine)'s doom coming a mile off and being helpless to prevent it.
That said, I think this thing is going to turn out a little less predictably than most think.
Thanks for reading.
527848
True enough. But if it's a tragedy, there are few ways that you could end it NOT being predictable, wouldn't you say?
527862
Eeeeyup.
527880
I have to give you some credit for that one. Smooth.
Can't wait for your next chapter!
I actually, really liked this!!!
I'm totally not going to clop to this, *cough cough*
I. Love. This.
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I am not a fan of tentacle stuff.
I find your story very interesting still.
You will continue it, yes? As I wrote above, though it's not my thing, I want to read more of your work.
535158
Yeah. It's just a matter of finding the time to write.
I have no idea what in the fuck is going on, but it both disturbs and amuses me. Please continue.
643839
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