This is the story of Harmony Muse, or simply Harmony to her friends. A young transpony, she never speaks of her past before coming to Ponyville.
Finally, she decided it was time to come clean to those who've welcomed her to her new home, and to tell them about her past.
Fair warning in advance, folks, I have positively zero clue how long this story's going to run, if i'm going to do multiple chapters, or what precisely.
Also, I apologize in advance for not having any of the fancy cover art other authors luck out on. While I consider myself a passable writer, I couldn't draw to save my life.
Chapters (4)
Follows a lot of cliches, but we all start somewhere. I recommend finding an editor if you plan to release later chapters and work on the story itself some more.
5242744 I appreciate the input.
Honestly, the mane six are ultimately only minor players. There largely to mimic my own support system of friends. Honestly I've considered completely rewriting it, and using ponified versions of the actual friends who supported me through my own self acceptance. Now, here's the stupid question. Once a chapter's submitted, can it given a huge rewrite?
The more I think about it, the more I feel that's exactly what I wanna do.
5242866
Yes, I would recommend reworking this one and put more time into future chapters and submit them when they are fully done.
I like thus far & thank you for going with the Fluttershy is Trans bit.
As a 16 yo fellow mtf I approve of this fic (which doesn't really mean anything...)
static.comicvine.com/uploads/scale_super/5/52246/2060390-i_like_it.jpg
Eagerly awaiting the next chapter!
Okay, folks, just a head's up, first chapter's probably going to see a bit of a rewrite. Fact of the matter is, I'm honestly not all that comfortable using the mane six (except for Fluttershy, her being TG just plain fits, cliche as it might be, she's also the one of the mane six I identify with the most), so expect me to replace them with a few OCs, loosely based on my friends, as Harmony's loosely based on me.
Right now I'm just in the outlining phase. My normal "let the thoughts flow" methord of writing really isn't going to work here. and I apologize for the rough quality so far.
Very interesting. A bit extreme, but I like it.
5261591
Thanks, and yeah, I know it's a bit harsh, but trust me, this is tame compared to what a lot of real world kids in Harmony Muse's situation have gone through
So +- 1.3-1.5k words every 4 days? Sounds like a good update schedule to me!
I personally don't think Celestia is omnipotent though.
Don't really like Extra Credit as a name. :/
Otherwise I liked this chapter keep it up.
5261606
Yeah. I am actually writing a Tg story, a sequel to a TG story I wrote not that long ago. It's much more tame though. It focuses less on tragedy and more on finding acceptance.
5261613
Just because ponies swear by her name doesn't make her a Deity. Indeed, many fanfics explore that point thoroughly, even having Queen Shinypants disabusing the protagonists of the notion herself. :)
Also, yeah, "Extra Credit" was a bit cheesy, but it was the first thing I could think of.
5261640 Actually I wasn't referring to swearing by her name,
I was actually referring to this line
The moment I abandoned all kinds of theism was when I prayed to (any) god to make me wake up female, I am assuming this is a similiar thing to what Harmony was trying to do in that line?
5261673
Pretty much hit the nail on the head there, EclipseStar
5261673
5261692
My favorite argument against bible thumpers is that no kind and loving god would dare to put the mind of a woman in the body of a man (or vice versa) and then tell them it was a sin to want their body to feel right. Therefore a kind and loving god does not exist. Since I am still here and alive after stating that, an angry and vengeful god doesn't exist either. Therefore the only god that can still logically exist is a trickster, and I'm not praying to the one that gave me a prick for shits and giggles.
Tracking this.
5284709
I think its just the fact that she has a regular codename, because she probably made the codenames. The rascal.
5284807
Essentially, Green Cheese comes from the old superstition that the moon is made of Green Cheese. Given Luna's association with the moon, I felt that it fit.
5285307
Ah, that makes sense.
Please do a sequel, this was a great read & you nailed the ending perfectly -I always say if you have to go out go out with a laugh & your codenames joke was perfect for that-.
5314265
Thank you so much, Flutterfox. Lizzybell and I really appreciate it.
The problem with a sequel is, well, I'm not sure where I'd take it. Harmony's now an officer in the guard, well situated with good friends. I worry about going into the 'future' with it because I don't want to run into Equestria Girls territory, because I consider everything EG to be Fanon Discontinuity. Also, I worry about potentially turning Harmony into a Mary Sue.
Anywho, I'll put some serious thought into it.
5261673
This. I can't tell you how many nights I spent asking "God" why I couldn't be who I felt like. (still occasionally do when I'm really desperate/depressed) I think a lot of trans people have this experience, at least from who I have talked to.
And once again, I'm sure a lot of the people who would read this story can relate to this, me included. Honestly it's disturbing to look back and realize I tried to kill myself when I was eleven.
Ugh... sudden emotional outburst aside, I really like this story. That dad is a total plot, though.
In fact I can actually relate with that too. My dad often forces me to get haircuts, though thank google it's not the equivalent of in this story.
I really enjoyed this story, and whether or not you write a sequel I hope you do continue writing on Fimfiction. Even though it was only a couple of weeks of writing (going by the dates the chapters were posted) I noticed improvements chapter to chapter, and I'd love to see more from you
The on thing I would like to say is that the decision to tell the story through flashbacks and exposition doesn't sit well with me. Flashbacks are necessary at times, of course, but it makes the whole story feel like a summery, which robs it of its power. There were a lot of great scenes here, but it's hard o get into the characters head when we jump around so quickly. For example, the first time Harmony dresses as a mare. It comes off as a cute happy moment, but imagine if we had been following her story every step of the way, been there through all the horrible parts then saw this eye opening moment. I think it would have been incredible.
In any event, I hope you're not shying away because of the rating bar. I'm sure you've noticed but every trans story on here gets unnecessary negative response
6280633 Thank you very much for the kind words. Lizzybell will be sure to appreciate them when I pass them along.
And you're right, the constant switch between flashback and 'now' did make some of it very awkward.
To tell the truth, I've been considering another story in the "Dissonance-verse" for ages now. Only problem is, I'm really not sure where to go from here with it. considering the "now" of the story, if I were to continue, I would worry about Harmony coming off too much of a Mary Sue. Given how she's an Lieutenant in the Night Guard and has been for a few years at this point, there's not much further she can go.
For comparison, Shining Armor is explicitly titled "Captain" of the Royal Guard. This could mean a few things: either Equestria's standing military is very small, corresponding to a company sized unit, the size usually lead by an O-3 Captain, that he's Captain specifically of Princess Celestia's personal Guard which is separate from the military proper, that he's -A- Captain and not -the- Captain meaning he's just a bigger link in the chain of command, or that he is the Commander in Chief of the Equestrian Military and "Captain" is a ceremonial title.
The first would lead to potential spotlight stealing issues. The second would also imply that, as a personal guard of Princess Luna's, meaning she's already important enough to interact with the Royalty personally, again, bordering Mary Sue here. The Third and Fourth are not quite so difficult to work around
Course the other line of thought on the matter is "So what if she is? Many well written fics have OCs interacting with the Diarchy on a peer level, much less direct subordinate", though that's not a line I'm sure I want to cross because it would mean being very careful not to tread into red and black OC alicorn territory.
Now, my other thought, rather than a direct sequel, is a sequel to the flashbacks, but told normally. a story about Harmony's time in the Night Guard -before- going to Ponyville, or perhaps doing a non-adventure slice of life piece. Anywho, given that I have vastly more free time than I used to, I am putting serious thought into how I want to proceed.
6280765
Hmm, with no real military knowledge I've never actually given too much thought to where Shining Armor falls in the chain of command. But another thing to note is that post Chrystal Empire I don't believe the show ever refers to him as captain of the royal guard, meaning that he potentially isn't anymore, as he's now prince of the Chrystal Empire.
But a true sequel could definitely make her too much of a Mary Sue, as you said. She seems to be quite happy with herself and her situation now, which makes drama going forward seem unlikely, especially if you're thinking about her military advancement. On that note, there's no particular need for her to advance her career to tell a meaningful story. An adventure story with her as Lieutenant could still be done just as well, if you had one in mind. I also like the idea of a slice of life story, getting to know her a bit better with something more personal than her job.
6280846 nod, nod. See, for Lizzybell and myself with a little bit of a military background (see, i actually DID join the US Army as a sort of last gasp at trying to be a "Perfect Young Man" for my mother..) so I realize I might be overthinking it.
Regardless, thank you, again for your support. I'll talk it over with Lizzybell , and start brainstorming ideas
I think you give me far too much credit. I may have bounced a few ideas and proposed some written lines during editing, but I wanted this story to be all you. I'm glad I helped since it seems to have improved not only your own writing, but your confidence in the craft at hand. As evident by the reviews posted here.
"The magic was inside of you the whole time!" To quote every inspirational ever. LOL
6280855
I wouldn't say you're over thinking it, added bits of realism make for more interesting stories.
Anyway, while I was at work last night I was thinking about your story (because I'm the type of nerd who spends all night thinking about ponies
) and I realized something else I would recommend keeping in mind. If you decide to write a sequel I would definitely recommend doing something more with Fluttershy being trans. At the moment her role in the story isn't particularly important, but she's set up perfectly to be a foil character for Harmony.
Harmony still has a little to learn. She was born a filly it just took her awhile to figure it out.
It was nice, can't say I haven't seen much of it before, but it's good anf I'll keep reading.
Why does every transcharacter need to have a pure evil villain for a parent...
...is it really this bad in some places?
9904918
Given that this is semi-autobiographical..... yes. Yes it can be this bad, even if it is dramatized just a bit here.