“Rarity, can I go with you to Manehattan? I’d like to go visit Babs Seed. You know, Apple Bloom’s cousin.” Sweetie waited as Rarity mused over this information, and gave a shrug. Sweetie shifted slightly, jostling her saddlebags as she waited.
“Sure, we can even ask them if you are allowed to sleep over.” Rarity turned and headed upstairs to pack Sweetie’s bag. Sweetie smiled and waited patiently, and soon enough they were on their way. Following the stallion to the train car, it wasn’t long before they were in Manehattan.
Rarity knocked on the door, and waited patiently. Soon enough Mr. and Mrs. Orange answered the door, smiling as they greeted them. Sweetie tilted slightly to the side, and saw Babs was glancing out at them from what appeared to be a living room. Upon meeting eyes, Sweetie saw a smile light on Babs’s face.
“Hello Mr. Orange, good day to both of you. I’m Rarity, a friend of Applejack. My sister knows your daughter.” Rarity paused, seeing both adults share a quiet chuckle, and shake their heads. Mrs. Orange motioned Babs forward, and she walked toward the door in response, and quickly greeted Sweetie.
“It’s great to see you again Babs, how’s your sister going?” Sweetie hadn’t heard much about Babs’s sister, but she did know the two were very close.
“She’s doing okay. The kids in her class are starting to get Marks, but she doesn’t feel comfortable joining the CMC just yet.” Babs shrugged, and Sweetie nodded. Most kids didn’t want to join their club, it was why they only had three members after all.
“Sweetie dear, Mr. and Mrs. Orange have agreed to let Babs come with us.” Rarity glanced down as Sweetie beamed a gleeful smile.
“Come? Come where?” Babs tilted her head, and Sweetie began to drag the filly toward their taxi.
“To the Water Park!”
“Are you sure this is safe?” Babs looked at the ponies going down the long and windy slide as she ascended, Sweetie by her side. Sweetie nodded, and took the tube as it was handed to her by the stallion.
“See you at the bottom.” Sweetie jumped onto the tube as it landed on the slide, and screamed in joy as she flew down it. A sudden drop, and she was speeding toward the end, spinning around on her tube. Standing up, Sweetie swayed as she felt her head continue to spin.
“Aaah-hahaha wow!” Babs got off and beamed an excited smile at Sweetie, who giggled, glad to see Babs enjoying it. Sweetie gasped, catching sight of the wave pool, and dragged Babs over to it, levitating both their tubes with them. Leaping in, she waited for Babs to join her, and they both paddled over to the deeper end just as the waves started.
“Whoooo!” Sweetie felt her gut go out from under her with each wave, feeling Babs gripping her tightly as the waves grew to twice their height. After a moment, they died down, and both fillies heard Rarity call lunch. Sweetie was pleased to see they had hayfries, and dug in.
“I gotta admit, this is fun.” Babs looked down and blew her hair out of her eyes, and got into her own meal. Sweetie looked around, trying to plan their next water rides. However, something caught her attention instead.
“I kinda wish Apple Bloom could be here.” Babs put her food down, and sighed, closing her eyes. Sweetie bit her lip, confused. Bringing Babs into a hug, she waited for her to continue.
“The Manehattan branch isn’t going too well. All the kids my age already have one, so there’s no Crusaders for me to hang out with. Don’t get me wrong, I’m fine. It’s just this new exchange student without a Mark reminds me of her. And I kinda miss my cous.” Babs rubbed her eyes, and smiled at Sweetie.
“Don’t worry we’re supposed to be having fun right?” Babs blinked as Sweetie put a hoof on her shoulder, and looked her straight in the eyes.
“Babs, this was going to be a surprise, but Apple Bloom is planning to bring you here next week.” Sweetie decided to omit the fact she had chosen to do it early due to the time loop, but Babs didn’t notice.
“She is?” Babs felt her doubts ease as Sweetie nodded, and both stood up. Sweetie grabbed their tubes, and they took off to ride the bigger slides, provided they were tall enough.
Over to one side, Rarity and Mrs. Orange were having a quiet conversation.
"I mean personally I find wool to be a little bit 'Hivernal' for Ponyville during these months. But I could design Babs a few items if you so wish." Rarity smiled as Mrs. Orange considered it, and nodded once.
"I will say though, I'm quite surprised. Babs is so different from you, I would have expected your daughter to be more fancy, but I guess it's unimportant." Rarity leaned her head back, taking a sip of her drink.
“Oh no, Babs isn’t our daughter. Well not in the proper sense. We still treat her as one, and she knows we love her dearly.” Mrs. Orange smiled toward where Babs was playing.
“I’m infertile, so we decided to adopt. When we saw those two huddled together, we just knew they were the fillies for us.” Mrs. Orange wanted to hug herself, remembering how adorable they looked.
"I can imagine, Sweetie Belle might not be adopted, but she's just as adorable," commented Rarity.
After their fun, Sweetie spent the night at Babs’s house. After playing a few board games, Sweetie spent an hour or so asking Babs about her life. It was then, Babs’s sister walked in.
“Hey sis, see ya’ got yerself a friend.” Green Seed was an earth pony with dark green hair and a mud-brown body. Looking at them, Sweetie could instantly see the family resemblance.
“Yeah, this is Sweetie Belle. She’s a Crusader like I am.” Babs smiled warmly, showing off Sweetie to her sister.
“But she has a Cutie Mark,” Green pointed toward Sweetie’s flank, and both fillies giggled.
“You don’t stop being a Crusader because you get a mark,” started Babs.
“You just stop searching for your own, and instead help others,” finished Sweetie, and both shared a laugh. Green, the faintest smile on her face, sat down with them.
“So how do you help others get their Mark?” Green glanced to Babs, who glanced to Sweetie.
“Well, we do mainly the same thing we did to get our Mark, but with the knowledge only those who have one understand.” Sweetie smiled warmly, looking to the roof.
“And what knowledge is that?” Both Green and Babs leaned forward. Sweetie lowered her head, closed her eyes, and smiled.
“It’s not something you can really say in words, you’ll understand what I mean when you get it.” Sweetie glanced at their disappointed faces, and conversation quickly changed.
Sweetie had to admit, talking like they were, she felt so normal, like she wasn’t different to them.
Like she wasn’t stuck in a time loop.
Just happened to notice that. Otherwise
I just realized that you've got 48 chapters already.
spent
eh, needs caps
great chapter
every time I try to read the other story, the screen changes to a different website
That… is actually a really weird way of getting the information across. Just blurting that out to someone at the front door. Also, if they treat her like one, why would the first thing they say be "Oh, she isn't our daughter"
Especially when:
If they are adopted, then they are daughters. Unless they are fostering, though they would be considered foster-daughters.
The whole section feels very clunky, and reads like an information dump rather than a natural conversation. You could possibly get around it by moving these lines further down into a conversation between Rarity and the Oranges. I.e. something like Rarity saying "I was quite surprised ponies as cultured as your selves would… well, I mean, Babs is a little different than what I expect, I guess."
Then you could have them mention the adoption and his infertility. Something like that really needs a bit more than just two throw away lines, else it comes across as a needless head-canon dump.
As it is, it just seems like they are happy to blurt it out cheerfully to anyone who comes to the front door asking after their not-daughter.
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That was a very strangely worded section, to the point that I'd consider it outright wrong. Having been adopted myself and having a handful of friends in the same boat, our parents never would have said 'Oh, they're not our children, we just treat them that way.' If they'd said that we'd probably be like 'Thanks, whoever you are.'
Mr.
Mrs.
Since this happens through most of the fic and would take to much time to copy x paste. Add "." after "Mr" and "Mrs".
______
Apple Bloom (two words)
____________
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I agree, my family adopted my baby bro. And I call him my baby bro to everyone I meet, and my mom calls him her son. That whole segment felt off like it really didn't belong / Babs and Green were tax write offs rather than ponies. If the Apples consider them family rather than "adoptees", and Bab's / Green don't have a reason to say there adopted. Then, it doesn't belong XD.
5456809 Weird, it's loading fine for me. :\
5456809 What is the website? Is it doing it for other stories? It might just be an ad.
Per Candy Morrow, writer of "One Bad Apple" and "Apple Family Reunion, Babs isn't the daughter of Aunt and Uncle Orange... as far as she knows, anyway.
But if she's adopted in this scenario, it isn't a bad thing to have her adopted by family.
5455621 I see nothing wrong with that
Oh cool, another story in the loopverse. *adds to read list*
Just some things I noticed:
*spent
*off
--Sollace
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I've encountered that off and on. it seems like the website goofs, and thinks I double-clicked, with the second click happening halfway through the new page load, so it changes to whatever ad my mouse was unfortunately on. then, i have to close the fimfic tab and reopen it.
Apparently, cannon decided to make this false In a recent show of mlp. "Bloom and gloom" I think it was. Damn it Hasbro! Y U do dis?!?!
5471325 Loopverse?
Sorry, no. Just a time loop.
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Was referring to this
And by loopverse I mean it's in the same world/canon as A Little Loopy, though it may be deviated slightly.
--Sollace
Stallion? Where'd he come from?
Babs's adopted mom outright, seemingly reflexively, denied Babs was her daughter... This does not sit well with me.
I'm surprised she's lasted this long without any bouts of murderous insanity, especially after the death loop...
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I believe insanity comes with hopelessness and figurative claustrophobia. With the fact that Starswirl has refused to help her, she's likelier to go insane, since it starts to appear more hopeless. However, the fact that a was out even exists can renew hope on a whole different level.
However, the figurative claustrophobia is more of the fact that she's forced to repeat the same events happening over and over again. Since it's a week, she repeats events less often, which helps her. Plus, she'd only been in a time loop for... four and a half months. Okay, so it should be coming within the next dozen loops or so.
Really, insanity's not something we're gonna see just suddenly happen with how detailed the story is. It's gradual, and she's been showing small hints for several loops.
But the really important question is why am I telling you this? It probably isn't even relevant anymore.