- Member Since 4th Nov, 2014
- offline last seen Aug 25th, 2022
LilyBlossom
Lily Blossom, not even as important as a background pony, and also a lingerie company in Spain. What can you expect from here? Clop! My goal is to enrich the sexual lives of all readers.
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Moar
So much want.
This is your first fanfic? Well I have to say it's a lot better then most people's firsts, I enjoyed it a lot and wouldn't mind seeing this one continued, definitely faving and tracking
Sheer brilliance. 10/10 would have sex with plant again.
Wow just wow really good story good job
Great story always love a tentacle story that has wanted sex from them. Side note those stories seem to have plants produce the tentacles not something else. Weird coincidence.
great work id love to see more ^,..,^
I know you from RLPV!
This story was great. Please write more.
5922269
I'm actually working on a sequel! It'll be a collection of shorter chapters, but I'm definitely done with this story. Thanks for your support.
5925024 Cool. I look forward to reading it.
This story reminds me of my first before I found my editor! Actually, this is a bit less shameful than mine in certain regards, especially grammar and formatting. I didn't dislike my first story, so have a like!
My two biggest issues with this story are the setup for the sex and the general lack of description. The latter will work itself out in time if you keep plugging away at your writing hobby. As for the setup, I'm not really sure why you went with a depressive effect on Roseluck caused by the plant after showing us Roseluck in fear. It's jarring when Roseluck's behavior shifts the first time and contradicts the decidedly rapey tone of Lily's capture. It also doesn't effect the outcome, depressant or no, Rose is still getting tentacle poked. All it does is kill the excitement for something so completely jacked up happening to our helpless mare.
Try to maintain a consistent tone with your clop, and stick to it!
I do have to credit you on this line though: it made me laugh!
"I'm being raped, this is so inconvenient! Rose, this is on you!"
Keep practicing and never stop trying to improve.
Edit: If you were going for consensual sex, don't show anypony in fear! You could have made the sedation mechanic work better by just having her go along with it immediately and skipped the Lily rape. Sure would have fit with the ending a lot better! Just some things to think about.
I'm your 100th like on this story!