In Memory of a Great Rock

by The Letter J

We will miss you, Tom

I still remember that day, all these years later. But considering everything that happened then, you’d think it would be hard to forget. And at the time, I too thought that Discord’s escape, corruption of my friends, and eventual defeat would be unforgettable. And could you blame me? Those aren’t the sorts of things that happen everyday.

At least, they weren’t at the time. In the years since that fateful day, such things have become commonplace. Villains both new and old seem to pop up every month or two. At least one of us seems to have a mental breakdown or other friendship problem every week. We ran out of windows to commemorate the defeats of those villains and the other accomplishments of my friends and I years ago. And to top it all off, ever since Discord became our friend, chaos has just been part of our lives.

So when I look back on that day now, most of what seemed extraordinary at the time is now just ordinary. But the one thing that still makes the day stand out in my mind seemed, ironically enough, rather trivial at the time.

It was the day I first met Tom.

I didn’t think he was anything special when I first met him. He seemed just like any other rock. I thought that the only notable things about him were that Rarity had a ridiculous obsession with him and that he was really heavy. I thought that he was an inconvenience, at best, but Rarity loved him.

Oh, she tried to play it off as simply being Discord’s influence, and indeed, it was at first. But several months after we defeated Discord, we happened to catch Rarity and Tom having a romantic dinner together. She was embarrassed and didn’t want to tell us anything at first, but it wasn’t particularly hard to figure out what was going on. So after a bit of friendly love and support, she opened up to use about her relationship with Tom.

It turned out that her attraction to him hadn’t gone away after Discord’s defeat. She couldn’t stop thinking about Tom and worried Discord’s influence hadn’t completely left her. So she suggested that Princess Celestia examine each of us to make sure there were no traces of Discord’s magic left in us. We all thought it was a good idea, but never thought anything more of it after the princess confirmed that we were all free from Discord’s influence. But Rarity still wanted Tom.

She knew it was crazy, but she also knew that she would never have any peace until she saw him again. So she did. Repeatedly.

By the time Rarity told us about her relationship with Tom, they had been together for nearly half of a year. She was worried that we wouldn’t approve or that such a thing would ruin her image. And though I think that Pinkie was the only one who really understood her at the time, we all supported her then and when they made their relationship public. And when they did go public a few weeks later, everypony took it in stride. Ponyville had seen much weirder things, after all. (Discord, on the other hoof, laughed for hours when he found out.)

Their relationship was a happy one, but it was not to last. They broke up a few months later. I believe Rarity felt that Tom was "taking her for granite."

But they remained amicable after the split, and we still saw Tom sometimes. In fact, we saw him every time we walked through Ponyville Square, where he could always be found having a cup of coffee with one of Fluttershy’s ducks, who was named Hugh Louis Dewey.

It was around that same time that two other important things happened.

First, I became an alicorn. This was, of course, a huge change for many reasons. But for the purposes of this story, the most important change was that it gave me a large dose of earth pony magic.

The second important thing was that I met Pinkie’s sister, Maud. Though she may not appear so at first glance, Maud is actually a very interesting pony, just as much so as Pinkie is. I had long ago learned that the earth pony magic within Pinkie was incredibly strong, but Pinkie’s nature made it all but impossible to study or understand. The earth pony magic inside of Maud was just as strong, but behaved completely differently. This made it much easier for me to study it and to learn from it, and eventually I became nearly as adept with my own earth pony magic as Maud is with hers.

And that was when I learned that rocks can talk.

I won’t go into all the details of how I handled that discovery here, because that’s not why I’m telling this story. The only reason it’s important is because it allowed me to talk with Tom.

I am slightly embarrassed to admit that talking with Tom had never even crossed my mind when I first learned how to talk with rocks. Instead, I was drawn to him by accident.

I happened to be walking near Ponyville Square one morning, when I heard the loudest, most infectious laugh I had ever heard. (And I remind you that I am friends with both Pinkie Pie and Discord.) The laugh brought an unprompted smile to my face and drew me into the square, where I realized that its source was none other than Tom. He had been assisting a nearby stone with an ethical dilemma, and had apparently told a rather good joke while doing so. This piqued my curiosity, and I began talking with him myself.

Tom, it turned out, was a surprisingly intelligent rock. He had studied at Princess Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns and held several technical jobs before a near brush with death at the hooves of a pony who thought that he was a mere obstruction in a road prompted him to give it all up and really live his life. He spent years after that traveling across Equestria and around the world. He saw and experienced things that I had never even read about. And even to this day, I still have no idea how he managed to do all of that as a rock.

But after the events of Discord’s brief reign, Tom elected to stay in Ponyville, where he spent his time giving advice to anyone (be they stone rock, animal, or even the rare pony who could speak with him) about anything. And though he claimed that he was never right and that no one liked to hear what he had to say, we all knew better.

I also learned that he loved riddles and logic puzzles, though he was absolutely terrible at remembering them. We spent many a day stumping each other with riddles about every subject imaginable, from boats to math to the Bedouin camels.

Once I learned how much fun Tom was to talk with, I made a point of visiting him on a regular basis. At first, it was just once a week. I would drop by every Saturday morning to talk with him, to trade puzzles, and to hear him give advice to anyone who asked for it. But soon, it became twice a week, then three times. It wasn’t long before I was visiting Tom nearly every day.

I think it was only natural that we fell in love and started dating after that.

Ponies were surprised, but accepting. Pinkie threw us a nice party, of course, and Rarity repeatedly reassured me that she was fine with our relationship. Not that I was worried about that and asked her repeatedly if she was really sure if she was okay with it or anything. Nope. Definitely not.

And I’m pretty sure that Discord was laughing for hours again.

Our relationship was a long and happy one. Celestia’s sun seemed brighter and Luna’s moon seemed clearer when I was with him. No matter my mood, he could always cheer me up with a joke and a laugh in a way that Pinkie is still jealous of.

But all good things must come to an end. Including, apparently, the life of a rock.

Equestria lost a great rock today. One who I will always remember fondly. He brought joy and happiness not only to my life, but to the lives of many, and they shall never forget him for it.

Tom may have had the appearance of a rock. But on the inside, he truly was a diamond.

Author's Note:

Well, it's happened again. You've squandered several perfectly good minutes reading a My Little Pony fanfic.

Our esteemed producer is Doug "the airship fugitive, not a slave to Rarity, bongo colt" Bermane.
Our associate producers are David "The Calves of Ponyville" Green and Catherine "Frau Blücher" Fenieghllosa.
Our web lackey is an old gray mare.
Our technical, spiritual, and menu adviser, just back from Pinkie Pie's pad Thai, French fry, cherry pie, stir fry, and cheese on rye party is John Bugsy.
Our Public Opinion Pollster is Paul Murky of Murky Research, assisted by statistician Marge Innovera.
Our Customer Care Representative is Haywood Jabuzoff.
Our Personal Makeup Artist is Bud Tuggli.
The pre-written portions of this fic were selected by staff librarian Albin Seenbefore.
The Ponyville Funeral Director is Hadley Newham.
Ponyville Guest Accommodations are provided by The Horseshoe Road Inn.

Comments

[Mad Maudlin]

So, exactly how stoned was Twilight during all this?

[HelloMilky]

Poor Tom

[thegamerator10]

I thought of Boulder (Maud's pet rock) at first.

[Half Dime]

You should totally add a "sad" tag to this one. Believe it or not, my eyes were getting a bit moist toward the end there.

[Enduring Man-Child]

Beautifully written!

[The Letter J]

5226379
Hey now, be gneiss. There's no need for such basalt accusations.

5226763
Well, Boulder is a pretty great rock too.
He was going to make a cameo appearance, but I couldn't find a good way to fit him in. So instead you just get the implication that Maud really can talk with him.

5226849
I did consider it. I think the story ended up in some weird gray area between a sad story and a comedy, though it probably does fall more on the sad side. I ultimately decided not to use either tag, but I'll reconsider if you think the Sad tag is appropriate.
And I thought that Tom would probably appreciate a funny story more than a sad one.

5226875
Thanks!

[Hillbe]

His re-manes were used for the bed in the I-47 freeway carriage over pass.

Still passing in the slow lane.

[Wasabi-beans]

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/44928/rarity-apologizes-to-a-rock

[Chinchillax]

You had no reason to make this story actually good, The Letter J. But you did, and it was awesome.

Seriously, that last line made the entire fic.

[The Letter J]

5229521
No reason to make it good? Of course there was a reason! I'm not going to go and post something that I don't think is decent, at the very least.

And thank you.

[mrk]

taking her for granite

You're killing me here!

[The Letter J]

5235961
I think it might be a rule now that all of my stories have to have at least one awful pun in them.

[The Letter J]

5226849
By the way, I did decide to follow your advice and add the Sad tag.

[FlourishProse]

Brilliant! I especially liked the fanon about the study of Maud's Earth pony magic allowing Twilight to understand Tom.
An appropriately random end credits note for a random ship fic.

Hugh Louis Dewey

[The Letter J]

5273204

Brilliant! I especially liked the fanon about the study of Maud's Earth pony magic allowing Twilight to understand Tom.

I was pretty happy with that idea myself. I have ideas for at least one other fic based on the same concept that I might get around to writing sometime.

An appropriately random end credits note for a random ship fic.

Hugh Louis Dewey

I wish I could take credit for those, but they came straight from the Car Talk credits. I just ponified some of it.

[Ausbrony]

This was hilarious, and that Author's Note...

[Tranquility_Soul]

This needs a

Tom

tag!