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Aquamarine and Garnet are both members of Queen Celestia's Solar Guard. One day they get summoned to her study to get a new Assignment, from the Queen herself, to create a regiment of Royal Guards for Princess Twilight. Thats how the Orion Guard is born. Now Aquamarine and Garnet are tasked with commanding this new regiment and protecting Princess Twilight and the Council of Harmony from a dark force brewing in the forbidden Shadow Lands.
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Very good but I have a few gripes to mention. You should mention its a human representation of equestria most people will give a thumbs down if they expect ponies but get humans. Also is there a reason Celestia and Luna are being called Queens instead of Princesses like in the original production?
Its a cool idea. Thanks for posting it and good luck in future Fim Fictions.
5710904 as far as them being Queens I just decided to change things up a bit.
I hate to say it, but this is almost painfully cliche and the protagonist is well into Mary Sue territory. She's amazing at everything, people in high positions are singing her praises, she's being handed a plum assignment, and we haven't even made it to chapter two yet. There's no tension in the story, no hook. There's no particular reason to care about these two; they don't have any apparent problems or worries to empathize with.
Also, you badly need an editor to clean up the various punctuation and word choice errors.
That said, there's always the potential for things to pick up. These two are sergeants, not officers, and may have a tough time creating a unit from scratch (why weren't officers chosen?). Twilight may well not understand what it is they're trained to do and give them unexpected or unusual instructions. These two also appear to be pretty casual and may not be quite up to snuff when it comes to the top tier of palace guard protocol. There's likely to be conflicts with higher-ranking guards who feel they were snubbed for the job and want the two to fail so that they have a shot at it.