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AbsoluteAnonymous

Joined October 2011
1,910 followers

Stories (17)

  • The Light Goes Out
    Twilight Sparkle and Princess Celestia's final conversation together.

    3,014 words · 17,877 views · 1,841 likes · 23 dislikes
  • Pinkie Watches Paint Dry
    Pinkie Pie has an existential crisis about paint.
    2,500 words · 38,805 views · 3,397 likes · 57 dislikes
  • Diamond in the Rough
    Applejack gets drunk and Rarity has to help her get home.
    2,961 words · 11,543 views · 727 likes · 11 dislikes
  • A Million Things to Do
    Pinkie Pie forces Rainbow Dash to help her complete a list of things to do before the world ends.
    6,046 words · 8,924 views · 724 likes · 11 dislikes
  • Shipping Goggles
    2,778 words · 26,218 views · 1,645 likes · 33 dislikes
  • Transdimensional Zoology
    3,811 words · 12,367 views · 1,228 likes · 24 dislikes
  • Ambition
    4,714 words · 4,249 views · 368 likes · 5 dislikes
  • The Cold Light of the Stars
    4,919 words · 4,207 views · 513 likes · 9 dislikes
  • The Games We Play
    137,602 words · 23,669 views · 1,904 likes · 55 dislikes
  • Sweet Nothings
    9,419 words · 6,215 views · 536 likes · 12 dislikes

Pinkie Pie has an existential crisis while painting her room. This self-parody is dedicated to Professor Piggy, who once told me that I could write a story about Pinkie watching paint dry and weave it into an incredible psychological journey. Let's see if he was right.

Featured on Equestria Daily.

Dramatic reading by MicTheMicrophoneZero.

Cover art by chaosdrop.

First Published
24th Apr 2012
Last Modified
24th Apr 2012

Comments ( 680 )

#1 · 127w, 1d ago · 1 · 9 ·

just for the idea it gets my thumb (but not my attention)

#3 · 127w, 1d ago · 1 · 1 ·

This gets an upvote from me, if only for the premise alone. :rainbowderp:

#4 · 127w, 1d ago · · ·

oh u :heart:

#5 · 127w, 1d ago · 3 · ·

To be honest the first part of the story went straight over my head. :pinkiehappy: Pinkie is functioning on plane of thought I have yet to discover myself.:pinkiecrazy: However, at the end I could really relate to what she was thinking. Damn, that was a lot of philosophy for a story about drying paint.:twilightoops: I give you props for making me rethink existence. :pinkiegasp:

#6 · 127w, 1d ago · · ·

I had to wipe away a tear at the end.

#7 · 127w, 1d ago · · ·

Mundane but fantastic.

#8 · 127w, 1d ago · · ·

Second line in, and you've already got it.

Also: red velvet cupcakes are the most delicous cupcakes.

#9 · 127w, 1d ago · 4 · ·

This is genius. I know I said that already, but it really is.

Pinkie's thought process is just absolutely Pinkie - it's perfectly captured, and I can imagine her having all kinds of smaller crisis moments just like this - especially because she seems to base her own worth on how people perceive her. Naturally she thinks the inanimate room is exactly the same way. And I love the idea of Dash being freaked out and doing everything in her power to fix it as quickly as possible - in fact, I love everything about Dash in this story.

I meant it when I said it - but you've proven me more right than I could ever have guessed. This is awesome.

Thanks, AA. :pinkiesmile:

#10 · 127w, 1d ago · 1 · ·

this was deep...

it also hurt my brain.

#11 · 127w, 1d ago · 3 · ·

I figured it was a joke.

Then I read it.

Holy fffffff.

#12 · 127w, 1d ago · · ·

how.....

How....

Peculiar. Yesss....

That's the word. Peculiar.

What a peculiar story.

Still trying to recover from my brain exploding earlier, so this kinda deflated it again.

......

DARNIT! Now I gotta get it back working again!

Also, good story.

#13 · 127w, 1d ago · 1 · ·

If Only - Queens Of The Stone Age

So Pinkie is one of those stoners who just likes to go "Duuuude, like have just looked at your hands, dude." Good to know.

Kinda reminds me of Bill And Ted.

#14 · 127w, 1d ago · · ·

Pinkie watching paint dry... why didn't I think of that?

Nice job!

#15 · 127w, 1d ago · · ·

Oh god. You need :pinkiegasp: when making a fic about drying paint~

#16 · 127w, 1d ago · 1 · ·

"Cupcake!.  Look at the Cupcake!  Eat the Cupcake!  BE the Cupcake!" :rainbowderp:

Oh man, Dash to the rescue again. Fun little fic I gotta say.  Reminds me of an old monolog we used to do in Theater 101.  

#17 · 127w, 1d ago · · ·

BEST. STORY. EVER!!!:rainbowlaugh::pinkiecrazy::yay::trollestia::rainbowderp:

#18 · 127w, 1d ago · · ·

Ooooh  :pinkiehappy:  this could be a serial!  Next up!  :pinkiegasp:  Pinkie Watches the Grass Grow!  :pinkiecrazy:

Seriously though, great job.  :pinkiesmile:

#19 · 127w, 1d ago · 2 · ·

:ajbemused:  Really now Pinkie?

:pinkiesad2:

:rainbowhuh:  Still confused.

:twilightblush:  Give her a cupcake, STAT!

:pinkiegasp:

:pinkiehappy: THANKSDASHIENOWI'MNOTAMURDERER!

:rainbowderp: ....wut?

#20 · 127w, 1d ago · · ·

Ahahaha this was great.

I really think Pinkie is a lot deeper and more intelligent than the other characters often give her credit for; she simply chooses to live a more carefree life, because, hey, that's a lot more fun, right? :pinkiehappy:

#21 · 127w, 1d ago · · ·

Aww man, you had to tell me the moral! It was going so well, too!

Still, this was pretty damn hilarious. I enjoyed it a lot.

#22 · 127w, 1d ago · · ·

came for the premise stayed for the awesome

*claps*

#23 · 127w, 1d ago · · ·

Since you appear to be taking on challenges, here's a good one for you,

Pinkie Pie Vs The Fourth Wall.

Match of the century.  

#24 · 127w, 1d ago · · ·

What a deep joke story, dude. Oh, by the way...

Pinkamena was Pinkamena. That was all there was to her life, aside from harvesting rocks. Then, the Rainboom occurred. She was changed... She was painted a brighter shade of pink by this spectacular color spectrum phenomenon. There was too much life for her... but there wasn't, at the same time. For Pinkie Pie was Pinkie Pie and not Pinkamena Pie, and for Pinkie Pie, there was no such thing as too much happiness...

OH CELESTIAL BEING BASED UPON THE READER'S RELIGION MAN THAT'S DEEP

#25 · 127w, 1d ago · · ·

Wow that was pretty deep

#26 · 127w, 1d ago · · ·

I can't help but think of this as a prequel to TGWP.  Pinkies thoughts about changing the nature of something by altering it's appearance could easily lead to her decision to change herself.

#27 · 127w, 1d ago · · ·

This appears to be awesome, coated with win, sprinkled with a dusting of epic, and baked in a mix of perfect characterization.  You, my good sir, rock.  Please continue to do so.

#28 · 127w, 1d ago · · ·

I love psychological whoop-de-doo like this. :heart:

It really :derpytongue2: with the mind.

#29 · 127w, 1d ago · · ·

Notes while reading:

"Her furniture had been covered in protective tarps, but there had been nothing in place to protect those poor walls – perhaps, Pinkie mused, because painting the walls had been the entire point of the exercise in the first place." Everything in bold is unnecessary. This is entirely a personal opinion, but I've always felt that as a writer, if you make an implication, trust your reader to understand; you don't have to explain it. It makes your stories more interactive, and therefore more interesting.

"and force a knew one upon it." Slight misspelling here.

"as thought they’d forgotten the unicorn was even there." And here.

As for the actual story, I love it. But I'm torn on whether or not I think it would be better if everything other than the first section simply disappeared. I mean, it's obviously a comedy, but in my eyes, that whole first section, with all its deep introspection about paint drying was already comedic.

There were some good lines in the later parts, (particularly amusing was when dash gave her the cupcake), but it felt unnecessary. My first instinct (which I've learned to trust), is that it would've been much more powerful, and funny, if it had ended after the first section.

#30 · 127w, 1d ago · · ·

I feel sad for the Orange Wall now :c

I'll never be able to paint a wall without thinking of this story from now on.

Amazing one-shot :D

Have a good one.

#31 · 127w, 1d ago · · ·

that was one of the only well written philosophical fim fics i have ever read. well done good sir!:twilightsmile:

#32 · 127w, 1d ago · 1 · ·

Okay, that was brilliant. Only Pinkie could learn a life lesson from paint drying. Seriously, her inner monologue is golden. Rainbow and Twilight are great, too. Especially Rainbow with her cupcake. This whole story is just made of awesome. :rainbowkiss:

Thank you Piggy for inspiring this and thank you AA for actually writing it. :pinkiehappy:

#33 · 127w, 1d ago · · ·

Silly Pinkie.:pinkiehappy:

#34 · 127w, 1d ago · · ·

Woah. Pinkie, you're a genius.

Now, excuse me, I think I need to go have a discussion with my walls, or something.

#35 · 127w, 1d ago · · ·

*reads description*

*looks at upvotes*

*looks at downvotes*

Apparently the brony community thinks your friend is right.

#36 · 127w, 1d ago · · ·

Deep down Pinkie gets into a philosophical stupor that never ends like this;

Sugar snaps her out of it... Sugar is the answer to life's questions as well as... the enigma called Pinkie?

#37 · 127w, 1d ago · · ·

This was very good and it also helped me emotionally in the moment, so I thank you for that. An impressive piece of prose.

#38 · 127w, 1d ago · · ·

Oh wow. I read it before, and while it was good, I never expected it to be featured. You truly are a genius.

#39 · 127w, 1d ago · · ·

I...I don't understand how a story with a premise this simple could wind up bringing tears to my eyes...:fluttercry:

Bravo. This was excellent, and a compelling read. :heart:

#40 · 127w, 1d ago · · ·

Only pinkie pie

#41 · 127w, 1d ago · · ·

Okay... Now I can talk to walls properly

#42 · 127w, 1d ago · · ·

ok...:ajbemused:

This lleft me depressed and introspective...:pinkiesad2:

Then I FINALLY remembered 'It's a story about pinkie pie watching paint dry'....:pinkiegasp::pinkiecrazy::pinkiehappy:

...yeah.....:yay::trollestia:

#43 · 127w, 1d ago · · ·

>>491704

No, no, no. Not be the cupcake! NOT be the cupcake!

Nopony needs to be a cupcake, okay?

#44 · 127w, 1d ago · · ·

Bravo, I would say mission accomplished. And now, I must issue you a new challenge.

"Pinkie Pie watches grass grow."

Go.

#45 · 127w, 1d ago · · ·

Yes, well... :twilightoops:

It certainly is interesting.

I guess this proves the point that if you're good at something, you can basically do whatever with it and still come up with something good. :twilightsmile:

#46 · 127w, 1d ago · · ·
#47 · 127w, 1d ago · · ·

:rainbowlaugh: what did I just read? Is that really what comes out of a challenge? Still I guess it WAS pretty good considering the subject. Good job:twilightsmile:

#48 · 127w, 1d ago · · ·

I wanted to write "What did I just read", but I found that I understood this completely.

How can...

I mean, that subject....

It's a story about paint for the love of god how....

:facehoof:

No, just... I don't know.

Lovely story anyway, I found myself lauging more than I should about it. :twilightsmile:

#49 · 127w, 1d ago · · ·

Like the best parodies, this story works as the very thing it is parodying - as off-the-wall and bizarre as Pinkie's ponderings are, they're not without a point. If you ask me, you've risen to the challenge, and kicked its flank! :pinkiegasp:

#50 · 127w, 1d ago · · ·

:facehoof:

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