Everyone that knew Dangersignal, knew that his life was not a happy one. When he is asked to recount it for ponies who don't know him, he fore-warns anyone who reads this that it isn't all sunshine and flowers.
Chapters (4)
- Member Since 20th Sep, 2014
- offline last seen Aug 14th, 2023
The Stainmore Phoenix
I do not believe that these creatures and lands are all trouble, but this one creature or land has upset our ponies badly and made the princesses very upset
The Stainmore Phoenix
Joined 20th Sep, 2014 ·
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Nice! I'm not even sure what to say, other than great job!
5136985 Thank you. I had scrapped the original Idea of him and his brother being evil and wanting to take over all of Equestria, mainly because it didn't appeal to me. (It actually made me physically sick). I hope you like some more stories that I have planned to come out sometime over the Christmas holidays.
I took a look at this and well...
First of all, your writing is fairly solid grammar, and based on skill alone, you show great promise.
But as for the story, I think the problem is that it's just incomplete: there's really nothing in the story that makes me really relate to the characters. He gets kicked around a lot: but that's not enough for the reader to really feel any empathy for them. Maybe if the story had been longer (as in, several chapters as opposed to just a brief overview of his life), we'd be able to get a better feel for him. But with the story the way it is, your character just feels really incomplete.
This is undergoing a majour rewrite to make it better