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Swifthoof, you probably don't know him... He was transferred to Canterlot by request of Princess Celestia from his hometown in Manehattan after accidentally killing another pony. No-pony knows what happened to him whilst he was with the princess: Was he teleported to another dimension? Was he banished to the moon? Find out in this short story.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Nice little short story !! I found it interesting to read and its got good grammar :) good job sir
Wat.
5131174
A very non-constructive comment.
What?
5131175
Oh you want a "constructive comment"? I'll give you one.
The grammar is horrendous. I couldn't even read what was going on.
The cover art and the description don't match at all. The cover art shows a giant Celestia about to probably have sex with Luna, and the description talks about a self insert OC who travels to Celestia because "reasons".
And the story. Oh my god, this plot is absolutely terrible.
So, you want me to just stick to my "wat." Comment?
5131187
Both are just as valuable, actually.
5131187
Wait, if you couldn't understand the story from its grammar, then how can you criticise the plot? Obviously you won't understand it if the grammar is as bad as you say it is, and to what I've read of it so far, the grammar is actually pretty good.
>makes comment on shitty fanfic
>author and 1 person people who likes this story liked the good comments and downvoted mine.
Wow, Knighty WAS right about that Twitter post...
5131218
I've read way worse stories than this. I try to keep up with what's going on, but the horrendous grammar keeps me from doing that.
5131220
Calm down with the hostility, please.
5131239
Eenope
5131244
Please leave, obviously you don't like my story, but there are some that do, so, please: Let others cast their opinions.
5131259
You keep replying to my comments.
You realize that after a while the spell will stop working and there will be big bloody mess on the floor and on Celestia leg.
Thumb down for Celestia not being Celestia
5131275
I'm sure they'll assume it's nothing, no-pony would question the princess' actions.
5131239
My issue with this is I see this as a horribly unjust, sociopathic version of Celestia, who relishes in diminishing others to make herself feel more powerful.
I give her three weeks before she's a crazed tyrant.
Furthermore, your description states that this was an accidental death, which, while it doesn't completely absolve him of guilt, it does lessen the severity of the crime considerably. But this Celestia didn't even bother to get the full details of the crime, instead jumping to conclusions and smiting him.
Hell, if she'd put him in her dollhouse after shrinking him to live with other such offenders, I'd be less offended than her outright stepping on him.
This is why we have manslaughter in addition to murder.
Manslaughter is defined as:
Source
5131305
I see what you mean, and it's understandably so,
But, I also stated that it's the first recorded form of a pony killing another pony, so even if it was accidental or not, I guess Celestia would feel somewhat biased from a crime that is so heinous. (For Equestria, anyway)
5131220 what twitter post?....
5131321
However, she ought to love all her ponies equally, as such, to premeditate shrinking one down and stepping on him is grossly overcompensating. To do it with such lack of care for the life of another being is just scary, considering she controls an entire country.
The fiction also states that she doesn't get to practice her shrinking spell often, implying this is more common than just the occasional "murderer".
5131509
True, I suppose that's a fair criticism.
I will admit that this fic is mainly one that's for the Macrophilia/Microphilia community, and with that, I've based the material as a priority, rather than the plot; granted, that's no excuse to have a story totally void of any plot development, but I won't deny that as something I've not put as much detail into as much as I could've.
5131522
The microphillia community?
While I am not a member of either community, I would think this caters more to the macrophillia side of things, except the perspective is from the shrunken unicorn.
I highly doubt "shrink down and get stepped on" is on anyone's "Things I'd Like To Do" list.
i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/538/088/081.gif
Seriously? Seriously.
31.media.tumblr.com/5d51b6aa2303325e289049d723b9b352/tumblr_inline_n0vhkdsxUS1qafrh6.gif
People these days...
Nope.
I don't understand what is bad in this fanfic apart from Celestia OOC; even though, it is clear that this fic is one of the "plot? What plot?" type.
I knew I recognized this story. I still have it bookmarked on pastebin.
It's decent, just a standard macrophilia story. The "OOC" Celestia isn't that much of a problem, since it's just in character enough for a fetish story.
The main problem is that there just isn't much there. It's just shrink, lecture, and crush. The build up isn't very good. I guess that make sense, since she obviously doesn't take much enjoyment in the act, but that just isn't very enticing in a macro story.
Don't let all the "out of character" and people being horrified comments get you down. I got the same thing on my story. It comes with the territory.
this stinks
....So, any chance on a follow-up? Maybe where Celestia tries sitting on a condemned prisoner for variety's sake?
5132294
No.
5132300 *shrugs* Fine by me, just asking.
I wouldn't imagine Celestia playing with her food when it come to matters of punishment.its completely against her character. Celestia is very patient. no matter what the issue, Celestia usually keeps her calm. She would be extremely upset to hear of murder in equestria, however, it would be a lot more swift.
also, some of the grammar wold make fluttershy cry.
cdn1.smosh.com/sites/default/files/ftpuploads/bloguploads/funny-you-tried-swim.gif
Damn, lotta hate on this one. I swear, some people get really pissy about fetish fics.
Outta character? Yup. Badly written? Nope. I've seen shit ten times worse than this get drowned in favorites because it caters to more popular fetishes. Futa x Female clop is widely adored, for instance, even when it's so poorly done as to be barely worth glancing at.
Don't let the generally negative reaction get you down, people are awful. Just take it on the chin and keep writing, you do decent work and you'll only get better.
...Funny thing is, this is on the Overly Stupid Fanfiction group.
Can you please tell me where you got that pic
Even though this is OOC, this is one of my most favorite fics here. It's a shame it only has one chapter...You could do so much more :D
I am planning on doing a voiced version of this story. But with different ending that makes room for sequels. You think you could help me out With this?
5197102
Befitting for a story like this.