Just a humble pony writing stories.
A week has passed since the events of Pattycakes. Scootaloo is concerned about the mysterious disappearance of Rainbow Dash and goes off to investigate. However she may not like what she finds...
Hoo-lee shit! I didn't expect the creator of the original Pattycakes to actually upload the stories onto FIMFiction!.
Hell, I was writing my own version of Pattycakes in tribute to your story, I loved it.
Here is the link to the remake:
These stories both creep the fuck out of me.
Considering that was probably your goal (at least I hope), then congratulations.
IT IS YOU
YOU ARE THE REASON WHY I CAN NEVER LOOK A BABY IN THE EYE!
One normally shouldn't be able to combine ponies, Saw-like atmosphere, and infantilism into a story. You sir, however, have managed to do just that. I tip my hat to you.
Thank you very much!
Oh wow! I'll have to read this in depth. I'm honored!
I do feel the urge to watch beat the crap out of now.
I'm not the best writer around, but I wanted to do something that wasn't as hardcore as the original story, tone it down a little bit and create something more adorable and even passable for some readers. I got a mediocre reaction from readers and I'm still writing the story.
Ah yes, more Fluttershy craziness. Well done.
It's Saw without the gore.
If you can get past the infantilism aspect, it's a deliciously creepy psychological thriller.
And really, Soarin' and Big Macintosh in diapers?! What the hell possessed you to come up with that idea?! Though I gotta admit the idea of those two in diapers is sickly hilarious (or hilariously sick)
Awesome story!! You did it again Pegacorn Ondacob
Oh, now, this, this definatly a lot more creepy then the first one. And I love how you could include Saw without the gore. You, sir, are a genius writer.
that is my reaction to this story
That was soooo messed up...
Now I can't stop thinking of Saw and ponies.
Overall, I definitely liked it, although it lacked the minimalism that worked so well for the first story.
WHAT I LIKED
In general, it was very well-written. It was only very reluctantly that I had to take a break half way through the piece to deal with various responsibilities that needed to get done ASAP.
The pacing was really remarkably well-done. You could be a terrific crime/mystery writer if you wanted to be. Very suspenseful.
Good job going for psychological scares rather than 'Cupcakes'-style gorn. I think the lack of any kind of overt physical violence magnified the impact of what Fluttershy was really doing.
I love the idea of Fluttershy going overboard with her fetish to the point of her losing control and breaking her own rules. She isn't the most mentally stable pony in the series.
I loved how you essentially integrated a 'Choose-Your-Own-Adventure' element into the ending of the story. I always LOVED those types of books as a kid and it was a lot of fun seeing it pop up so unexpectedly here.
WHAT I DIDN'T LIKE
I don't think the whole 'Saw' angle works very well with regard to Fluttershy. Your first Pattycakes story did a remarkable job of making her creepy as all hell while not really taking her too far out of character. This doesn't feel like something Fluttershy would do, psycho or not
Although it was well-written, there are also numerous typos and missing words which I found distracting. It certainly didn't spoil my enjoyment of the story, and I didn't have to guess at what meaning you were trying to convey, but these mar an otherwise, as I said, very well-written piece.
I don't really get the mental leap that Scootaloo took in the 'drink from the milk bottle' ending. It seemed very abrupt to me.
I'm definitely giving this one a thumbs up. Aside from some editing issues, this piece is technically very good, and as regards two of my three issues with it, YMMV.
Alright, that was awesome. 20% cooler than the first, I must say.
again, this is undenialbly creepy
The part where Scootaloo sacrificed (for lack of a better word) Rainbow Dash made me laugh... does this make me a bad person?
Reminded me of Saw and that last test seemed like that potion part of the first harry potter
I certainly preferred ending B over A.
This is agian a good story i liked it, parts of it are SAW bassed nice touch, still good and well done
this is a good story.
Ironically i watched the first 4 saw movies just before i even read these and started laughing when I got to the first reference, and for that
I give you /5 moustaches
Oh and delete my comment and I will just add another one way worste! Derpy threateneds you!
This is a very good story I especially like how there were two endings to choose from But honestly, I don't feel like either one of them was "the good ending"
oh my both endings are creepy as hell........
Much more well developed than the original and the choice of ending was a nice touch. who knew Fluttershy had such a big basement or the mechanical skills to set up all the test. This was a little out of the Fluttershy character. I saw the baby bottle choice equaling freewill as soon as the test was described but that is not necessarily a bad thing. Overall, better than the original!
PHEW! I got the good ending!
I drank the water
Actually, that was the bad ending, where she becomes a foal. The good one (I guess) IS the one where she drinks the milk, becomes free, and then becomes Fluttershy's assistant (kinda like with Amanda in the SAW films)
>>18628021862802 umm... i was joking
Oh... Because someponys think both of them are the bad/good endings.
I actually thought that was the good ending ._.
Dude it's me Luke and I just have to say this............[img][/img]
This was pretty fucking messed up, yo.
Pun... maybe intended?
Still ain't my cup of tea, but you made it dark enough for me to enjoy regardless. A big step up from the original trollfic. That "Game Over" was pretty goddamn chilling .
~ ~ ~
Edit: Experiencing a momentary lapse in braining at the moment, so if anyone would be so kind as to remind me what the song at the end of Ending B was a modified version of, I would be very appreciative.
The one bug here is that losing RD means losing the Element of Loyalty, and that means making the Elements useless against the big nasty to come down the pipe.
Umm I didnt really like the fact that Fluttershy was Jigsaw. Its just was out of Character.
But over all it was Not bad.
The Portal 2 end credit theme, "Want You Gone".
As it were, I've been looking for some decent adult foal stories, but usually find them boring and unimaginative, utterly over the top to the point where the whole thing just crashes down, or filled with so much grimdark that the diapers are more used as a torture device than a mean of regression or ageplay. This one is well-balanced to say the least, adding in a dose of diapers and ageplay into a brilliant storyline wrought with some darkness, but not so much as to be overloaded by it. Well done, and I'll be waiting for number 3.
Many embarrassed thanks, yo . I've got that whole soundtrack in my iTunes, so I really have no excuse .
As for the grimdark, that's actually what drew me to this story. No offense to the author, of course, but the original wasn't really to my taste, but this one managed to mix those aspects in a thoroughly enjoyable way . Dunno what it was about it, really. I'm not at all a fan of the "Saw" films, but the incorporation of that plot did somehow work for me regardless. Maybe it's just that those movies were missing Fluttershy . Either way, an enjoyably dark read with two very interesting endings.
Wow. That was dark. So much for
By the way, you said recently that you were starting work on Pattycakes 3. Can you tell me which ending of Pattycakes 2 will be canon for that? Or would it give away too much?
If Scootaloo had trusted in Dash to save her and let her free, would she have actually been freed, and would Scootaloo have been only temporarily foaled like most that we have seen in your story or would it have ended up as the water ending?
Another messed up story! Are you really working on a third?
I actually think Scoots would have saved RD regaurdless of what she did to her but I still loved it wow now i feel messed up but it is a good read
I actually really enjoyed this story I feel it's a lot more well written then the first and plays more on the message of the story itself, rather then the fetish it's trying to relate to! It's a big step up from the first, and quite frankly I'm glad I read it and I can't wait for a part 3
That scared the shit out of me, but i decided to borrow the milk option, I WIIIIIIN OH YEAH!!!!!!!
Really? The cutiemark of Scoots a pacifier?
...Am I the only one that found this to be quite humorous? I mean, sure, its a bit dark, but I find it too hilarious to be taken seriously.
Am I the only one? Please tell me Im not.
A significant step up from the first in quality. Better writing, better story.
The endings, however...
The water ending works, but the milk ending... Scoot's sudden 180 into being Fluttershy's assistant seems to lack explanation or motivation. Sorry...
I also don't think Fluttershy is capable of doing something like this. At all.
>>30692683069268 it think its wired but funny at the same time. much better than pattycakes
I think this might fall under the category of creepypasta with those two endings.